Saturday, October 16, 2004
Pseudo-relationships and the like

I recently received an article titled Parang kayo, pero hindi by Noringai in my e-mail regarding pseudo-relationships. If you haven't received this article yet, you may read it here. Since I liked this article so much, I searched for Noringai in Google and I found out that she has written lots of articles for the Peyups website.

An excerpt from the article:

The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

I also read some of Noringai's articles in her Peyups Column This Side Up and another article of hers which I liked because I can relate to it is Mr. Could-Have-Been.

Here's a sample of the article:

Isang araw, I confronted him. Tinanong ko siya kung bakit niya ako tinatawagan gabi-gabi. Sinabi ko pa na tawag siya ng tawag, wala naman nangyayari. Pinupuyat niya lang ako. Hindi siya nakasagot agad. Natakot ako bigla sa sasabihin niya kaya binawi ko. Sinabi ko na siguro wala siyang ibang kaibigan at naghahanap siya kausap kaya niya ako tinatawagan. Sabi niya marami daw siya kaibigan. Pero kung gusto ko, dare ko daw siya na hindi tumawag sa akin ng one week. Dinare ko nga. Kinabukasan, tumawag siya uli. Hindi ako natiis ng mokong!

It seems like pseudo-relationships are such a popular topic. Maybe it's because everyone has gone through this kind of relationship in one point of their lives. In fact, there are two OPM songs (Suntok sa Buwan by Session Road and Wag na Wag mong Sasabihin by Kitchie Nadal) which are currently being played in RX 93.1 and other radio stations. Here's the lyrics to one of those songs:

Suntok sa Buwan by Session Road

Hindi mo ba alam
Damdamin ko'y pinagtakpan
Makasama ka'y suntok sa buwan

'Di mo nga alam
Mundo mo nga'y iyong tignan
Kung ganyan, walang pupuntahan

Hindi ko 'to gusto
Pero 'wag kang lalayo

Itanong mo sa akin
At tatanungin ko rin
Kung ika'y aamin
Lahat ay gagawin

'Di mo napapansin
Kailangan mo akong dinggin
'Di habang buhay ika'y aantayin

Ito'y aking hiling
At sana naman ay tanggapin
Ng puso ko'y 'di nabibitin

So if you're currently in a pseudo-relationship right now and feeling quite depressed, don't be - dahil ginusto mo yan! Haha! Just kidding. Isipin mo nalang na hindi ka nag-iisa and maraming katulad mo na nagpapakatanga at malamang-lamang ay umaasa sa wala. So if you're a girl and you're currently in a pseudo-relationship and want to get out of it but you just lack the will power, I hope the points listed below will bring you the enlightment that you need:

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
3. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
4. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
5 . Slower is better.
6. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
7. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
8. Don't settle.
9. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
10. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
11. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
12. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
13. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
14. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
15. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
16. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.
17. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.
18. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
19. Never let a man define who you are.
20. Never borrow someone else's man.
21. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
22. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
23 . All men are NOT dogs.
24. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.
25. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
26. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
27. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
28. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
29. Never move into his mother's house.
30. Never co-sign for a man. (Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!)
31. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Maan @ 10:54 AM
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Very talkative, very frank to the point of being tactless. Major hyper active and super kulit. Tampuhin, selosa and madalas may topak. Psychotic but bearable most of the time. Pakialamera. Addicted to those excel quizzes and surveys forwarded through e-mail. Have learned how to say no to FREE FOOD and resist the temptation of buffets. Listens to The Morning Rush with Chico and Delamar and is a major fan of Sex and the City. Fiercely loyal to friends (especially the under dogs). Can't dance, can't sing, can't act but very OA (Outstanding Actress). Doesn't smoke, drink nor do drugs but definitely a great girl to hang out with (sagot ko na ang kwento). Cynical on the outside but a hopeless romantic deep inside. Tries not cry over a guy but will shed buckets of tears while watching a movie. Escapes from the real world by reading books, watching movies,and tv shows. Dreams of travelling the world someday and joining The Amazing Race with a friend who knows how to swim, ride a bike and drive a car.

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