Monday, August 01, 2005
NOTHING FEELS QUITE LIKE A BROKEN HEART
A broken heart is the single greatest pain you will ever have to endure, in fact, the most hurt you can ever imagine: and the one who commits this emotional crime is not someone you hate; it is not een someone you dislike. No, because the only person who is capable of breaking your heart is the one who holds it precariously in their hands, the one with whom you have shared your dreams, your secrets, your fears - the one you love more than anybody else in the world... and therein lies the irony.
However, that is the chance you take. Love is all about risk. If you give your heart to someone else - as most of us do at one time or another - it is theirs to do with as they wish. You now have absolutely no control over it, and whether it remains intact is up to them.
Heartbreak is an odd kind of pain, because you are not dying. You are not even sick. For all intents and purposes you are perfectly fine, yet inside - where your heart used to be - you hurt so much that you can't breathe, you can't sleep, and you can't stop the tears from falling. You may eat too much; you may not eat at all. Non-smokers light up; non-drinkers find a bar.
A broken heart is the world's great equalizer,because it can bring even the strongest man to
his knees.
It happens to the best of us, they say. Time heals everything, they say. What doesn't kill us can only make us stronger, they say. And my personal favorite - it is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. Yeah, right. BULLSHIT, I say.
You will listen to any advice you are given - take a walk, take a holiday, join a gym, get a haircut - because everybody over the age of consent thinks they have an Honors Degree in Heartache. Too much TV!!!
At the end of it all though you won't actually take any of this armchair psychology seriously, because you are STUBBORN, and because nobody else knows what the hell you are going through anyway. I mean, how could they?
It's your heart that lies bleeding on the floor next to you, not theirs. It's your tears. It's your pain for God's sake!
It's easy to spot someone who has just had their heart broken. You'll see them out walking
aimlessly, like extras from a zombie flick, muttering to themselves in a language only they
understand. Every now and then one of them is run down by a passing truck or bus. Man,
LOVE REALLY IS BLIND! Not that it really matters anyway. It's survival of the fittest. Nothing personal.
How long does it take to get over a broken heart? It's simple really. NEVER. There is no glue to mend that kind of thing; no bandage, no quick fix. All you can do is bend down, pick up the pieces, and hope you have enough there to find a little happiness once the tears have dried on your cheeks. Sure, you move on, you go out with other people, you smile, you laugh, you love again, you get married, you have two-point-four children, you collect your pension, YOU DIE.
You may very well have a good life, a great life even - but that break is ALWAYS there.
There may be days, weeks - months even - when it doesn't cross your mind at all, but don't go fooling yourself into thinking the pain has gone.You have it tucked away along with all your best kept secrets. You will be on your deathbed and through the haze of your memory the only thing you will know for sure is what happened to your heart all those years ago.
Very few people go through life unscathed - only the LUCKY ONES amongst us. Love is a bumpy ride. Most of us have to endure a few scratches and scrapes along the way, a couple of bruises, a fracture or two, and then that final rite of passage into adulthood - the broken heart. Pat yourself on the back; you are now in the club. You never wanted to sign up, I'm sure, but you're here for life. 'Til death us do part, baby.
Get over it!
---
Earlier this morning, I was able to chat with my bestfriend who is happily married and living in the US. She said she couldn't sleep so she asked me of we can chat for a while.
Kung kelan ka nga naman maraming ginagawa, dun maraming gustong makipag-chat sayo. Then she told me the reason why she thinks she can't sleep.
Her little sister and the husband has gone to Splitsville. After about 6 months of
marital bliss, the guy called it quits. The guy said that he fell out of love. Of course her little sister, who is also a good friend of mine, tried to work things out. Even though the guy moved out of their place, she still stayed hoping that they can fix things and make their marriage work. But she found out that the guy has been cheating on her. That made her give up on their marriage. She packed all her things, left with their son and went back to her mom's place.
I sympathize with her.
Ang sakit ng iwanan ka ng taong mahal mo at ipagpalit sa iba. But that's the reality of things. People fall in love and hope and pray that it will be like that forever and ever. But shit happens. People fall out of love. If only we can control our hearts to fall in and out of love whenever we please. But that's not how life goes.
I told my bestfriend that I would love to react violently. To get angry at the guy. But I can't. Because even if I know that the guy has been selfish by turning his back on his family and choosing "the other woman" or maybe just choosing to be single again, somehow I still empathize with the guy. Does he have to stay in a loveless marriage? If the feeling is gone, should he suffer and in the long run make his wife suffer also? Should they continue living together as one happy family when the reality of things is that one or the other is not anymore in love? If you were the girl, will you be the martyr and choose to stay married even though you know that your husband has already fallen out of love?
A lot of couples stay in a relationship even after the love has gone. One of the major factors is that they want to be able to give their child or children a happy home, a complete family. But isn't it a bit hypocritical to stay in a marriage even though there's no more love and just bitterness and fighting? Wouldn't that do more damage to all parties involved rather than just going your separate ways but still being good parents to your kids. You may not be a good husband or wife, but that does not mean you cannot be an extraordinary parent to your kids.
I know that the sister of my bestfriend is hurting so much right now. I know that she is praying night and day. Praying for what specifically, I don't know. Maybe she is praying to God to help her get through this. To help her let go of her husband and forget about him and be able to move on. Maybe she is praying for strength to be able to raise their son by herself. Maybe she is not praying for their marriage to work, or maybe she still is. Maybe she is not praying for the guy to fall in love with her again. Maybe she is praying that she may fall out of love for the guy.
But in fairness to the both of them, I believe that they got married because they love one another and they believed that they will be together forever. I believe that the guy loved my friend so much. That he never meant to hurt her. He never meant to fall out of love. Nobody wants to fall out love. But like I said, things like falling out of love happens.
When things like this happen, look at the bright side. Like they say, every gray cloud has a silver lining.
Kung hindi mo sya nakilala, kung hindi mo sya minahal, hindi nyo rin mabubuo ang isang batang mahal na mahal nyo.
Maan @ 11:52 PM
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