Kabaliwan ni Maan

Transferring...

2007-06-02T16:11:00.000+08:00

A blog (short for web log) is a website where entries are written in chronological order and displayed in reverse chronological order. - Wikipedia

2002, the year I registered in Blogger.com and started blogging. My first entry was:

Saturday, May 25, 2002

It's a Sunday Afternoon and I am here in the office. As usual, internet galore! Nakatambay ako ngayon sa www.gwapo.com. Sana naman maayos ko na itong blog ko na ito. Paano ba???

It's been 5 years since and Gwapo.com doesn't exist anymore and I no longer report to work on Sundays. In those 5 years, I was able to create 2 more blogs in Blogger.com: Fleet Diary and Saturday Night Out. Unfortunately, due to my busy schedule juggling work, school and my personal life, I can only manage to maintain ONE BLOG and that's why I will be permanently be blogging in MY MULTIPLY SITE.

Sad at it may seem that I will no longer update my Blogger account, maintaining my Multiply site is the best choice. In Multiply, I get to blog about everything and anything (and organize them using tags), upload hundreds of photos arranged in albums, upload music into my site, download music from other people's site, shop online and more importantly - connect w/ my friends who also blog.

To Blogger, thank you for being a pioneer in the Blog World. You have helped thousands of people to lighten their burdens by helping them pour out their secrets, sorrows, hurts, depressions and disappointments. On the other hand, you have also documented joy, excitement, delight and happiness.

I may be leaving Blogger but I am definitely not leaving the Blog World. See you all in Multiply!

Hiatus? Not really.

2006-12-03T00:16:00.000+08:00

If you've been wondering where I've been the past couple of months, wonder no more.

I seldom open my Blogger account because I found a new place to blog which is MULTIPLY. So come and visit my Multiply Site.

Actually, I haven't been blogging much at my Multiply site as well. Aside from the fact that my PC is still not working since my motherboard has given up alreeady, I am freakingly busy and stressed with work and with the wedding preparations that's why my internet life as well as my corn business is currently on hold.

Corn business? What corn business? Ah that is a long story that unfortunately I cannot write about as of this month since I am just in an internet shop which is near our house (stone throw away) and I don't have the luxury of time.

Baby steps: Living your dream one step at a time

2006-09-24T15:29:00.000+08:00

When I was in college, Shawie and I would stroll around SM Southmall and I would tell her, "I wish I had lots of money that I will be able to buy anything I want in this mall without being broke after."

Until this day, I would say that to any friend I'm with when I am at the mall. Most of the time, I tell it to Connie. Most recently, I said that line to my cousin Joyce while we were accompanying Jas who was window shopping for perfume and I was almost drooling while looking at the displays at Charriol and Tiffany's.

But since I am a big believer of dreams coming true and getting what I want has always been a trait of mine, I know for a fact that someday I will be able to stroll in a mall and SHOP. Not window shop, but to literally SHOP till I drop.

I've been viewing my past entries and I read my 2006 Wishlist which I wrote in Feb of this year for my birthday. Out of the 10 items I wished for, I actually was able to get more than half of them in a span of 8 months.

1. House and The OC DVDs - CHECK!
2. Havaianas - CHECK!
3. iPod - CHECK!
4. Postsecret book - CHECK!
5. Jewelry - not yet
6. Laptop - not yet. But I'm currently using Cholo's laptop. ;)
7. Starbucks Mug - not yet
8. Nike rubbershoes - CHECK!
9. Digicam - not yet
10. Wedding mags - I got 2 from Archie!

5.5 out of 10. I have to say that it ain't so bad given the fact that just 8 months have passed. Like they say, "Reach for the stars!". Or like Oprah said, "Dream big!".

Daydream Believer
by The Monkees

Oh I could hide 'neath the wing
Of the blue bird as she sings
The six-o'clock alarm would never ring
But it rings and I rise
Wipe the sleep out of my eyes
The shaving razor's cold and it stings

Cheer up sleepy Jean
Oh what can it mean
To aDaydream believer
And aHomecoming queen

You once thought of me
As a white knight on his steed
Now you know how happy I can be
Oh, our good times start and end
Without all i want to spend
But how much baby do we really need

It's the thought that counts

2006-09-07T08:07:00.000+08:00

August 30, 2006

For the 2nd time, I tried to organize a surprise birthday party for Trexyl. For the 2nd time, I failed. The operative word here is TRY. At the end of the day, it's the thought that counts. Let's see if I can have a 3rd try by next year. That is if Trexyl will still be here in Manila. Or maybe I might be in New York by 2007. ;)

Since the surprise party didn't push through due to a number of reasons, first being the availability of SNO and second is the availability of the birthday celebrator herself, we just had dinner at Bedspace Greenbelt. Trexyl ordered pasta while Marianne and I shared a bbq baby back rib and had vanilla creme brulee for dessert.

September 4, 2006

Post-celebration of Trexyl's party. Like they say, natutuloy ang plano kapag walang plano. So for this day, we decided to be spontaneous. And since I didn't have a gift for her yet...

Trexyl: gusto mo movie
Maan: lakas ba ulan?
Maan: wala akong pera. hehehe
Maan: anung gift gusto mo?
Maan: wag masyadong mahal ah!!!
Trexyl: movie
Trexyl: nalng
Maan: also. sabay tayo enroll.
Maan: ano libre kita movie?
Maan: nuod tayo ng devil wears prada :)
Maan Ganda: huy
Trexyl: go!!!!
Trexyl: libre mo ko
Trexyl: our first movie date
Trexyl: as your gift to me
Trexyl: hehe
Trexyl: GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maan: hahaha
Maan: oo nga
Trexyl: nuod tyo
Maan: tonight?
Trexyl: yup
Maan: check mo nga sa click the city
Maan: kung anung time yung devil wears prada
Trexyl: tonight is the night
Maan: taena wala akong pera pero para sayo...
Trexyl: ill check
Maan: gagastos ako kahit cant afford ako
Maan: ganun kita kamahal!
Maan: Only God knows how much I Love you!
Trexyl: wahahah
Maan: hahaha :))
Trexyl: cge, tayo na...
Maan: easy girl. :P
Trexyl: hahahah

So we went to Powerplant to watch The Devil Wears Prada which we enjoyed immensely. After that, I brought her home and that's how our first movie date ended. Trex, next year mami-miss natin ito. =)

To end this really mushy entry, I dedicate this song for you (and Jedd) and me (and Red).

THAT'S ALL

I can only give you love that lasts forever,
And a promise to be near each time you call.
And the only heart I own
For you and you alone
That's all, That's all...

I can only give you country walks in springtime
And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall;
And a love whose burning light
Will warm the winter's night
That's all, That's all.

There are those I am sure who have told you,
They would give you the world for a toy.
All I have are these arms to enfold you,
And a love even time can't destroy.

If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear,
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small.
Say it's me that you'll adore,
For now and evermore
That's all, That's all.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

2006-07-02T03:13:00.000+08:00

After months of wanting to get rid of my layered hair, it is now back to its usual style - straight. I had a hair cut earlier at David's Salon with Trexyl. She had her hair trimmed as well. She was thinking of getting a "power dose" to make her hair a little dry but I talked her out of it. Her hair is damaged and a power does might cause more harm than good.

After our trip to salon, we decided to have dinner with the SNO gang but only Marianne and Allan were available. Don cannot make it due to a prior engagement, Thea is home already and Glenn is nowhere to be found. So we went to Greenbelt to meet up with Marianne and Allan for dinner, restaurant to be annouced as soon as Trex and I are able to decide between Italianni's and Grappa's.

When we got to Gbelt, we went first to GB4 and checked out the posh stores such as Charriol and DKNY and hoped that one day we may be able to shop at these stores and not worry about how to pay the rent or the utilities. While window shopping and daydreaming at the same time, we chanced upon a booth by Sony Ericsson and Fuji Films which is offering free photo printing from any SE cellphone. I had 2 photos printed, a photo of myself which was taken by Red and a photo of Trex and I during Anton's wedding.

Then Trex and I decided to eat at Red Crab. We wanted to go to Dampa but it was too far so we decided on Red Crab - a more expensive choice. But as soon as we saw the prices, we decided to just go to dampa instead. So we fetched Marianne from her office at 6750 and headed to Dampa.

When we got there, we went to Aling Tonya's and reserved a table. We went to the wet market because Trex and Marianne wanted to buy the food themselves. We bought crabs, shrimps and maya-maya. The crabs and shrimps were cooked with butter and garlic and the maya-maya for Sinigang sa Miso. We waited for about 20 minutes for our food and to tell you frankly, I wasn't that ectstatic over it. The buttered shrimp was good but I wasn't excited with the crab. The sinigang sa miso was OK but the fish was not cooked to well. May dugo pa! Eewww!!!

After dinner, Allan met up with us then we went to Shell Macapagal for coffee. We talked about migrating to Australia, going to Boracay and my wedding. Allan was so sweet to offer to be the usher and Trexyl will be helping me with the designs for the gowns of my entourage. Marianne will be a reader during the mass... "Love is patient...".

We finished at around 11AM. I brought Trexyl home - my payment for the countless times I slept in her condo. I also brought Marianne home because I copied our pictures in her laptop to my flash driver and I borrowed her Grey's Anatomy Season 1 dvd.

I got home at 1AM. Mama was obviously pissed at me. She told me that when I get married, my night outs will be OVER! If that's the case, I guess I have 6 more months to enjoy my singlehood.

----

I come home in the morning light
My mother says when you gonna live your life right
Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones
And girls just want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun

The phone rings in the middle of the night
My father yells what you gonna do with your life
Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one
But girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have--

That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls-- they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun

Some boys take a beautiful girl
And hide her away from the rest of the world
I want to be the one to walk in the sun
Oh girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have

That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls--they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun,
They want to have fun,
They want to have fun...

---Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Cyndi Lauper

99 secrets by Carl Steadman are finally revealed

2006-06-27T23:31:00.000+08:00

90. sometimes, it feels as if we're repeating the same mistakes only to forget the ones we've already made, she said.

91. the women on television never wear mismatched underwear, he said. yes they do, she told him, but they're often talking, in those scenes.

92. alone, she thinks of his touch, but then remembers how he would only fill her with emptiness.

93. all of my thoughts are of you, he said, and of the way you would hurt me time and again.

94. when i try to remember what we had, he said, all i can really remember is what we wanted.

95. i don't really see how your need for closure necessarily entails fucking me one last time, she said.

96. there's nothing left, is there, she said. i think there's a pop-tart in the cupboard, he said.

97. you've found the right words, she said, it's just that you never quite discovered the right order.

98. you could stop, she said. and do what? he asked. something else, she said. he threw up his arms. that's exactly what i was doing before i started doing this, he said.

99. i still love you, he said, to no one.

Celebrating Don's 25th B-day with Videoke & the Name Game

2006-06-22T12:47:00.000+08:00

Who: Saturday Night Out Gang aka SNO (Maan, Trexyl, Marianne, Don, Allan, Joe)
What: Don's 25th Birthday
When: 17 June 2006
Where: Parque Espana, Alabang
Why: To celebrate Don's birthday and reunite with SNO
How:

By being overdressed which means that this is NOT JUST YOUR USUAL PARTY
By taking lots of pictures and videos
By shamelessly eating the food prepared by Don (pizza, pancit, cake, salty snacks)
By drinking San Mig Light, Coke, Mudslide
By singing with so much passion and conviction with the help of the Magic Mic
By participating in the Name Game and trying to answer all the jologs categories by Don such as "Who are the hosts of Lunch Date?", "80s Pinoy Movies" and "Tagalog Teleseryes".
By being KARENS aka Kaladkarin and going home during the wee hours of the morning
By leaving our heartaches, heartbreaks, sorrows, & disappointments outside the door and celebrating like there is no tomorrow and like life is as simple as drinking, eating, singing and bonding with the people you care about and care for you too. That by tomorrow when reality and the bitter truth sinks in, they will still be there and be your friend even when the music ends and make you realize that life is worthwhile.

Why I am almost always late for work

2006-06-17T03:13:00.000+08:00

The reason why I am almost always late for work is because of the freaking internet. Until now, I am still addicted. If I'm not checking my e-mail, I'm logged into Friendster or Multiply, or most of the time I am chatting with my friends who are in the US - usually Kartika and Leny.

Here's a sneak peak of my chat conference with Kartika and Leny, complete with timestamp:

Maan (6/15/2006 11:43:00 PM): tomorrow i might watch The Lake House with my ojts
Maan (6/15/2006 11:43:07 PM): grabeh these are the things that make me sad
Leny (6/15/2006 11:43:15 PM): ano ba wag ka na masad
Maan (6/15/2006 11:43:18 PM): ojts ang kasama ko to watch a movie instead of u guys
Maan (6/15/2006 11:43:25 PM): i feel as if wala akong friends
Leny (6/15/2006 11:43:26 PM): but we chat naman everyday
Maan (6/15/2006 11:43:26 PM): :(
Leny (6/15/2006 11:43:39 PM): we are always "communicating" with each other just like old times
Leny (6/15/2006 11:43:41 PM): naks
Maan (6/15/2006 11:43:47 PM): kahit na
Leny (6/15/2006 11:43:53 PM): although i miss our italiannis days
Maan (6/15/2006 11:43:57 PM): iba pa rin yung dinner, coffee, movie, bar
Maan (6/15/2006 11:44:02 PM): and then overnight at leny's
Leny (6/15/2006 11:44:05 PM): and coffee and kikay days
Maan (6/15/2006 11:44:08 PM): and then kwentuhan until madaling araw
Leny (6/15/2006 11:44:20 PM): yeah i know, that was so much fun
Maan (6/15/2006 11:44:23 PM): sabay gising ng 7AM to make it b4 9AM
Maan (6/15/2006 11:44:34 PM): and then calls ako from 9-11AM with matching internet
Leny (6/15/2006 11:44:35 PM): alam mo ba i bought a huge bottle of white wine the other day..for myself only
Leny (6/15/2006 11:44:38 PM): hehe
Maan (6/15/2006 11:44:41 PM): yan na naman.
Maan (6/15/2006 11:44:46 PM): alam mo red was so funny
Maan (6/15/2006 11:44:54 PM): when we talk abt the time we went sa temple
Leny (6/15/2006 11:45:03 PM): grabe yon, marks party
Leny (6/15/2006 11:45:07 PM): i was dead drunk!
Leny (6/15/2006 11:45:09 PM): as usual
Leny (6/15/2006 11:45:14 PM): i think we all were drunk
Maan (6/15/2006 11:45:15 PM): he said "nalilito ako kay leny, sumasayaw na may dalang beer and bag"
Maan (6/15/2006 11:45:20 PM): no this was valentine's yata
Leny (6/15/2006 11:45:34 PM): hahaha
Leny (6/15/2006 11:45:36 PM): beer??
Leny (6/15/2006 11:45:39 PM): hindi naman ako nagbebeer
Kartika (6/15/2006 11:45:41 PM): ojts kasma mo? loser!!
Maan (6/15/2006 11:45:44 PM): well whatever
Maan (6/15/2006 11:45:50 PM): see! ang sama ni kartika!
Kartika (6/15/2006 11:45:50 PM): wala ka tlgang friends
Leny (6/15/2006 11:45:51 PM): ohmy gosh
Kartika (6/15/2006 11:45:52 PM): ahaha
Leny (6/15/2006 11:45:56 PM): kartika!
Maan (6/15/2006 11:45:57 PM): rubbing it in!
Maan (6/15/2006 11:45:59 PM): :(
Leny (6/15/2006 11:46:00 PM): DONT BE MEAN
Leny (6/15/2006 11:46:06 PM): ano ba
Maan (6/15/2006 11:46:10 PM): sige kartika
Maan (6/15/2006 11:46:13 PM): para makarma ka
Maan (6/15/2006 11:46:30 PM): because of that, God will definitely send u back to Manila to accompany me always
Kartika (6/15/2006 11:47:46 PM): maan!! dont say dat. uuwi nga ako e. kakaasaR!

Right now I'm chatting with Leny again and she just told me the good news about her new job at Shisheido. Go Leny Girl! I'm sure you're going to have lots of fun with your new work. Don't forget to send me make up.

Secrets #38 - #89

2006-06-16T00:13:00.000+08:00

38. as she reddened her cheek, she wondered if he'd bother to shave, or cut his fingernails.

39. just because you can't love yourself, she said, doesn't mean you shouldn't love me.

40. at the point she understood his motives she no longer understood her own.

41. he flinched, then looked away from her. they're just words, he said.

42. she wanted to know his sadness, but could only touch his tears.

43. i love you now more than ever, he said. what are you trying to say? she asked.

44. each time, they acted as if the ending were near, forgetting that it was already over.

45. she stopped longing for him when she stopped belonging to him.

46. you're always clinging to cliches, she said. you may be right, he said. but you have to admit, it's better than talking in riddles.

47. she saw, in the distance, a place where she didn't hurt. but she couldn't tell whether she was looking ahead, or behind.

48. don't worry. we'll still be friends, he said, even after you don't want to talk to me anymore.

49. you're just like bubblegum, she said. how so? he asked. i'm so tired of spelling everything out for you, she said back.

50. when he told her he had waited too long, it was then that she knew that she loved him.

51. she opened her eyes, and saw him next to her. if only for a moment.

52. (it's not the way you toy with my affections), he said. when did you learn to speak in parentheses? she asked.

53. she would close her eyes and imagine herself as someone else, someone who possessed him.

54. they would read the personals together, feigning humor, making mental notes.

55. she kept the love letters he had sent her, to help mark the passage of time.

56. why do you always have to find something to criticize? he asked. it's one big house of cards, as it is.

57. she forgot that the only way to love him was to make him fall in love with her.

58. it's as if we were interrupted at some point, she said, and then we never quite got back around to finishing our story.

59. she reached out to hold his hand, but touched only air and sky.

60. i was so wrong, he said. that doesn't mean that now you're right, she said.

61. avalanche, she said to herself, using a secret language that only she and he understood.

62. he stole her heart, and kept it in a box, by the bed. she found it, one day, and asked him what it was. oh nothing, he replied.

63. you're not like her, he told her. that's right, she said, i'm still here.

64. you think i like this? he asked. i don't think you know anything else, she said.

65. do you love me? he asked. i'm not going to write a song about it, if that's what you mean, she said.

66. he thought of the special face she made only for him, and all the others.

67. i don't know how i could live without you, she swore to him, on a stack of travel brochures.

68. she almost believed it all, until he told her that he believed in her.

69. the world may not revolve around me, he said, but i could go supernova at any moment.

70. i can forgive you for being unfaithful, she said, but not for being indiscreet.

71. the present is just so many possible futures, waiting all together, in a crowded room, she told him, as she moved away.

72. because he reminded me of someone i used to be, she told him.

73. she wasn't able to forgive him for what he hadn't done.

74. you're the one with the steering wheel, she said. i've just got the pedals.

75. sometimes, you make me feel like christmas, she said. and other times? he asked. the rest of the time, she said, i remember how you forgot my birthday.

76. do you ever wonder if we'd be more in love if we'd never had sex? he asked her. no, she said, of course we'd be.

77. i suppose i should have known that when you told me you needed your space, that you'd find it in somebody else's closet, he said.

78. she gave of herself once more, to show him how cruel he could be.

79. he realized he had gotten old when sleep seemed more important than making things right.

80. she never knew what it was that brought him back to her, or if she had anything to do with it.

81. tell me about him, he said. in a lot of ways, she said, he reminds me of you.

82. if you always knew how it would end, she said, you might have at least saved us both the trouble.

83. if you're very quiet, you can sometimes hear the stars, she said. you're not listening to the sighs of stars, he whispered, but to the impossibility of desire.

84. is he going to take the place of me? he asked. don't flatter yourself, she said.

85. you've made all those promises before, she said. the least you could do is come up with some new ones.

86. can we role-play? she asked. who do you want to be? he asked. i'll be her, she said, and you'll be you.

87. he never knew when to stop, she said, but i suppose that was part of his charm.

88. we could try something new, she said. i thought you already were, he said. what was his name, again?

89. he couldn't love her, not even enough to stay away

-- From Carl Steadman's 99 Secrets

Summer is again over!

2006-05-28T01:16:00.000+08:00

The rainy season is about to start. A part of me is liking the end of the hot summer nights and the start of rainy days and stormy nights which would want you to curl in bed, under the covers and wish for Signal No. 3 so that you're excused from going to the office. But a part of me will definitely miss the summer season and its sunny skies which makes you want to get into a bikini and hit the beach and just drink cold shakes on the sand.

This week signalled the start of classes. As usual, my schedule will be full of group meetings and case studies. Last friday was my first Marketing course and I am very fortunate to have Anton (who's about to get married in a few days) and Trexyl (who will be my wedding date to Anton's wedding) as classmates because it means that I won't fall asleep in class. But the drawback of having them as classmates and seatmates also mean that I am again part of the "noisy group at the back of the class". No wonder our professer transferred Trexyl to a different group.

Aside from starting with my graduate school courses, I have also enrolled in Slimmers World with Connie. Since Connie and I got the 2-year program, I went to Nike Park Glorietta to purchase my first-ever Nike rubber shoes in pink and gray! Karir! I have officially worked out in the gym for 2 days. I have to tell you that going to the gym is definitely a lot of hard work, perseverance and patience. I love using the treadmill. The hatest equipment that I have to do is The Transport and the hatest thing that is also in my program is crunches. Dear God! Crunches hurt like hell. But I guess if there's no pain, there's no gain. From the time I started working for Select until this day, I have gained about 6 lbs. For a lot of people, this number is so miniscule and can be shed off in a few days. But for a petite girl like me, 6 pounds is A LOT of FAT! So aside from going to gym, I'm cutting down on my food intake, skipping dinner and avoiding fast food like the plague. I am hoping that by the time I walk down the aisle I have already attained my fitness goals such as smaller tummy, smaller arms and thighs and toned muscles.

Speaking of weddings and getting married, my college summer fling, Claude, will be getting married on January 2007 also. According to chinese beliefs, he should not attend my wedding nor I attend his because this would cause bad luck. Talk about BUMMER! As much as possible, I want all my close friends to be at my wedding and Claude is one of those people. Unfortunately, a belief is a belief. So even if I am not chinese, I have to respect Claude's decisions. I'm hoping that before January 2007, I will be able to convince him and his fiancee that we just need to wear red underwear to counter off whatever bad luck would come during our married life.

So what else is new with me? Well, I recently saw X-men 3 with Red at Greenbelt earlier. Last week Red and I saw The Da Vinci Code and we also bumped into Tina and her friends at ATC. The week before that, Jas and I saw Aquamarine starring Jojo.

Last sunday Jas and I went to BF Homes for dinner at a japanese resto, a little shopping at BF Ruins and a little pampering at Medispa. BF Homes is my home away from home. It almost has everything in it except a shopping mall and cinema. It's so commercialized in an urbanized way. It's contradicting but I just can't explain it. I like to live in BF Homes again and by the time I can afford to buy a house there, I hope that there would already be water readily available. By the way, BF Homes already has Sinigang Express which serves very cheap tapsilog and all the silogs you can think of. Sinigang Express is fondly called "SEx". So if ever I tell you, "Sex tayo.", it just means I want to eat at Sinigang Express.

It's already a sunday and I still haven't finished this entry. I'm still bored so I guess I'll stay online for a few more minutes and hope that Leny gets back so we can resume chatting.

Cannonball

2006-05-24T19:03:00.000+08:00

There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
There's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
It's still a little harder to say what's going on

There's still a little bit of your ghost, your witness
There's still a little bit of your face, I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
That I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love, it taught me to lie
Life, it taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

There's still a little bit of your song in my ear
There's still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love, it taught me to lie
Life, it taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon-

Stones taught me to fly
Love, it taught me to cry
So come on courage
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know

--- Cannonball, Damien Rice

Time Traveling

2006-05-13T23:14:00.000+08:00

The rain just stopped pouring and the winds have finally ceased. I was planning to go to the office to hopefully finish everything that needs to be done as well as attend my last swimming class with Thea under Tatang (who we thought was dead). Unfortunately, the storm hit and I am forced to stay home. But in every cloud there is a silver lining. Due to the heavy rains and I have no choice but to stay indoors, I had the time to start with my newest book The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger.

I've been reading the book for half a day already and I'm halfway through it. If I didn't watch a little tv such as The OC and Grey's Anatomy, I might be finished with it by now. As much as I want to finish the book because I want to know how Henry and Clare's love story will end, I am also feeling a bit sad that in a few hours from now, my adventure with Clare and her time traveling husband will be over. And I have to look for a new book to purchase which must be better than this one.

Since we're on the subject, let's talk about time travel. If it is possible, would you time travel? If you did, will you change a thing? I don't have big regrets in life. I believe that every thing happens for a reason. That everything we do, no matter how small it is, contributes to something really big. But if I could time travel and if my changing something would not cause another World War or destroy the universe, I guess there are some things that I would change like...

...studied more in school. I've never been given any award when I was in grade school and high school and I'm thinking that if I studied rather than just watch tv and being an average Jane, I could have gotten higher grades and walked on stage with medals on my neck. That wouldn't be so bad.

...fought with my brother less. Now that he's far, far away and I haven't seen him for more than a year, I realized that I haven't been the best Ate in the whole world. It would really be great to go back and just be a little less meaner to my brother and a lot more of a great big sister.

...be more outspoken and confident. Believe me, I was very shy when I was in grade school and high school. Terribly and painfully shy that I seldom recite in class and my hatest subject is Speech class. The student that I am now is the total opposite of what I was more than 10 years ago. If I were overly confident back then like I am right now, I'm sure that I'll be loving Speech class and maybe I'll be on the Debate team. I will be able to stand up to the "bullies" on our bus who always sit at the back and I'll be able to tell my 3rd year grammar teacher, Ms. Agnir, "Manigas ka!" when I accidentally stepped on her shoe and she ordered me to wipe it. I wonder where she is right now?

Yeah! If I can time travel, I will definitely do all those stuff and then some.

The Search for 99 Secrets - 37 uncovered

2006-04-13T16:49:00.000+08:00

In 2004, I posted an entry about my search for 99 Secrets. Some time ago, a guy named Matt posted a message in my tagboard informing me of a site where I can find 99 Secrets. Unfortunately, he didn't inform me of the web address. Since it'a a Maundy Thursday, I decided to do a little blog hopping and I got to clicking on Matt's blog and finding 37 of thee 99 Secrets.

The 99 Secrets of Carl Steadman:

1. she didn't break his heart, so much as show him what it meant to be in love again.

2. once she told him a story about a white knight, and a princess that didn't need saving. am i the knight? he asked her. no, she answered. you're the person i'm telling the story to.

3. stay, he asked her, not meaning forever.

4. you're so beautiful, she said, you're so beautiful. he closed his eyes, and whispered to himself, i know.

5. she made no mention of recent events, and how he might be the force behind them.

6. if you had me, you wouldn't want me, he said. try me, she said. he smiled. i already have.

7. he imagined holding her wrists, and not letting go, until he was done.

8. she calls, only to know that he is there. and it pleases him.

9. when he told her that he needed her, he meant that he needed her to desire him.

10. what you lack in experience, he grinned menacingly, you can make up for with enthusiasm.

11. he explained himself to her. not through what he said, but by what he refused to admit.

12. she reminded him of a place that he was almost sure he would never see again.

13. she was not foolish enough to attempt to save him from himself, despite his obvious need for grace.

14. do you practice that smile of yours? he asked. which one? she smiled back.

15. you'll never know me well enough to know what it is that i really need, she wanted to say.

16. he watches her apply, wipe off, and reapply her lipstick, yet again, and licks his lips at her compulsion.

17. i just want to say thanks, she said. for me just being me? he asked. no, she replied, for not mussing my hair.

18. she asked for more, but she wouldn't take what he had to offer.

19. was it good for you? he asked. yes, she said. et tu?

20. i'm not sure you've turned out to be the man that i thought i was falling in love with, she said, but you do have your moments.

21. stop thinking, he said. you stop thinking i'm thinking about you, she replied.

22. she was unwilling to substitute fascination for trust, or beauty for sincerity.

23. she brought her lips to his, then curled them into a mocking smile.

24. you used me, she told him, and then laughed at her assertion.

25. her face was made more beautiful by wisps of hair which he would brush from her cheek.

26. they held each other, dreaming together, but their dreams were not shared.

27. she walked in on him reading her journal. what are you doing? she asked. listening to you, he replied.

28. i don't like that one at all, she said. if a guy said that to me, she said, i'd hit him.

29. she wanted answers to questions he did not understand.

30. it's not me, it's the clothes, he said. does it really matter? she asked.

31. i think i love you, he said. is that what you think, she said.

32. she wondered why the shortest possible distance between him and his dreams was straight through her.

33. he was all surfeit and surface; she was all reason and reflection.

34. i want to be in love with someone like you, he said, holding her closely, and laughing.

35. it's all tricks and mirrors, he said, and then one day you disappear in a puff of smoke.

36. she told him that she wanted him to leave, but forgot to mention when she expected him to return.

37. she knew him, because she knew his failings.

62 more secrets to be revealed...

All I Want...

2006-04-09T02:06:00.000+08:00

...is not always all I need.

But then again, I already have the things that I need that I have the luxury of dreaming for the things that I want. They say that if you think about getting what you want, you will eventually get it.

So for the start of this year, I got three things that I've been WANTING since last year. Those are:

1. Havaianas - which the Saturday Night Gang gave me for my birthday. Note that Trexyl was the one with the biggest contribution from the group. Yes, Trexyl did spend a lot more just so I can get these brazilian slippers I've been wanting for so long and just in time for my...

2. Trip to Boracay - which I already wrote about in my entry before this one. Until now, I still have a "hangover". OA kung OA but I want to go back to Boracay. Much moreso this time that I already have my very own...

3. iPod Nano - which is my Kapatid and my Papa's pasalubong/Christmas/birthday gift for me. It is just the cutest thing that I have ever owned! It is so small, thin and fragile.

It's Holy Week next week and I still don't have a place to go to. I am hoping that I won't get stuck in hot and humid Metro Manila and Cavite during the Holy Week. Sayang ang bakasyon!

Hope I could wear a bikini, go to the beach, lie down on fine sand, and listen to my iPod. Heaveeennnnn!!!!!!!!

----

All I Want Is You
U2

You say you want diamonds on a ring of gold

You say you want your story to remain untold

But all the promises we made

From the cradle to the grave

When all I want is you

You say you'll give me a highway with no one on it

A treasure just to look upon it

All the riches in the night

You say you'll give me eyes in a world of blindness

A river in a time of dryness

A harbour in the tempest

But all the promises we make

From the cradle to the grave

When all I want is you

You say you want your love to work out right

To last with me through the night

You say you want diamonds on a ring of gold

Your story to remain untold

Your love not to grow cold

All the promises we break

From the cradle to the grave

When all I want is you

You

All I want is...you

Boracay: Experiencing a piece of paradise

2006-03-14T22:46:00.000+08:00

I bought my roundtrip tickets for Boracay last December 3, 2005 and scheduled our trip from 11 - 14 March 2006. Once the dates were finalized, I instantly told my boss and my team of my upcoming leave for my first ever trip to Boracay.

A week before my trip, I was so excited that I can't sleep well, eat well, think well, study well and work well. I worried constantly. Days before my trip, I had this feeling that I might go down with the flu. I had allergies, I was stressed and majorly pissed (thanks to Archie, Trexyl, Lawrence and the Vice-Dean of DLSU-GSB).

But the moment I woke up last March 11, I placed my worries and problems aside and decided that my new motto for my 4-day vacation will be: To hell with everything, especially, work. Let's go to Boracay!

So what's so special about Boracay? It's definitely the ambiance. The fine sand, the cool breeze, the warmth of the sun. Boracay can sometimes be over-rated. It's like drinking coffee at Starbucks. They may not have the best coffee but you just can't seem to have the same coffee experience at a different coffee shop.

Boracay is a piece of paradise and paradise is...

...having the confidence to wear a skimpy bikini and strutting your stuff in public
...sipping a cold, thick milkshake and eating pizza at Jonah's
...laughing and talking with your friends and not caring if your bunch is the noisiest group on the beach
...lying on the sand, hearing the waves, while reading a good book and listening to your mp3s using your Sony Ericcson k750i even if it meant only 8 tunes being repeated over and over again
...sand between your toes
...taking lots of pictures and looking good in almost all of them
...snorkeling and going on the banana boat
...having your hair braided for P100 only
...getting a henna tattoo

Thea, Me and Joy at Jonah's while enjoying our milkshakes

But Boracay is only a piece of my paradise. When I left for Boracay, I can't help but feel a bit sad because I know I left my heart in Manila. A big part of my paradise is still where my heart is.

So until my next Boracay trip...

----

Hey lady, you lady cursing at your life

You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife

I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do

But, I wish someone had talked to me like I wanna talk to you

Ooh, I've been to Georgia and California

And anywhere I could run

Took the hand of a preacher man

And we made love in the sun

But I ran out of places and friendly faces

Because I had to be free

I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

Please lady, please, lady don't just walk away

'Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today

I can see so much of me still living in your eyes

Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived a million lies

Ooh, I've been to Nice and the Isle of Greece

While I've sipped champagne on a yacht

I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo

And showed 'em what I've got

I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things

That a woman ain't supposed to see

I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me

Hey, you know what paradise is?

It's a lie.

A fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be.

But you know what truth is?

It's that little baby you're holding

And it's that man you fought with this morning

The same one you're going to make love with tonight

That's truth, that's love

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete

But I took the sweet life I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet

I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free

Hey lady...

I've been to paradise...

But I've never been to me
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

Dalawang tulog nalang

2006-03-09T21:59:00.000+08:00

I'm so excited I can't...

...sleep
...eat
...study
...work

Nakakalungkot isipin na after 4 days and 3 nights, back to reality na naman ako.

Back to work.

Back to spending 12 hours at the office.

Back to studying Management Science. Hhmmm... Pwede na rin. :)

Goodbye My Lover

2006-03-02T23:20:00.000+08:00

Artist: James Blunt
Album: Back To Bedlam
Year: 2005

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry,
I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby,
I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow

Red and Maan's Birthday Bash Ato's

2006-02-26T22:09:00.000+08:00

Thank you to all of our friends and family who came to celebrate our birthday with us at Ato's Billiards, Las Pinas.

We hope that you enjoyed the food and drinks, the company, the billiards table, darts and videoke.

Let us reminisce that night by viewing our party photos HERE.

For those who were too lazy to get off their butts and travel to Las Pinas... regrets for this year and we're sorry you missed all the fun.

Wish List 2006

2006-02-15T00:21:00.000+08:00

For the couch potato in me, DVDs of the complete season of House, One Tree Hill, The OC (yes, this is my newest fave tv show), and Desperate Housewives.

For the beach babe in me who will be going to Boracay in a month's time, a pair of Havaianas, new shades, string bikini, big straw hat, & sunblock.

For the music lover in me, a 4GB pink mini iPod with all my fave tunes in it from Frank Sinatra and the Beatles down to American Idol hits and Parokya ni Edgar.
For the bookworm in me, Gregory Maguire's "Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West" and The Post Secret Book.

For the gold digger in me, a diamond ring from Tiffany's, a necklace, bracelet and watch from Charriol. But right now, I could settle for Technomarine, Kenneth Cole or even Fossil.

For the nerd in me, a brand new laptop with DVD-R, Wi-Fi, bluetooth, infrared, built-in camera and mic, memory card reader and all that jazz!

For the coffee drinker in me, a mug from Starbucks.

For the trying-hard-to-be sporty me, a new pair of serious rubber shoes such as Nike and other sporty apparel.

For the photo collector in me, a handy digicam I can bring wherever I go.

For the soon-to-be bride in me, dozens of wedding magazines and a lot of help from family and friends.

Pre-Valentine's Day Special

2006-02-05T22:27:00.000+08:00

Ito ay dedicate sa kaibigan kong nagpapakatanga para sa ex-boyfriend nya na mahal naman daw sya pero taken forgranted daw sya kaya nakipag-cool off sya eh kaso nakipag-break yung lalake sa kanya kaya ngayon para syang baliw na humahabol sa ex-boyfriend nya at sa sobrang lungkot nya di na sya kumakain at sa sobrang baliw nya, di ko na sya ma-analyze at wala akong payong maibigay kasi martyr naman sya.

Dedicated din ito sa kaibigan ko na sobrang talino pero dahil sa pag-ibig nagiging bobo at kahit alam nyang masasaktan sya eh pagpapatuloy pa rin nya dahil kahit paano masaya sya kapag kasama nya yung mahal nya na hindi lang naman sya ang mahal, may mahal pang iba ang nalilito kung sya ba ang pipiliin o yung ex-girlfriend na ayaw naman sa kanya kaya ang drama nila ay "mahal kita, mahal mo sya, mahal nya iba" at wala rin akong maipayo dahil OK lang daw na masaktan sya sa huli at handa na raw syang umiyak sa gabi.

Pag-ibig nga naman...

---

Ang Puno't Dulo ng Pag-ibig
======================

Nakakatawa talaga ang love. Isa siyang napakalaking oxymoron. Lahat ng pwede mong masabi sa kanya, baliktarin mo at totoo pa rin. Ang labo diba? Pero ang linaw.

Masaya magmahal. Malungkot magmahal. Di mo naiintindihan pero naiintindihan mo. Walang rason. Maraming rason. Di mo na kaya, pero kaya mo pa rin. Masakit magmahal. Pero okey lang. Leche, ano ba talaga?!

May kaibigan ako, sabi niya dati "Love is only for stupid people." Nakakatawa kasi laude ang standing niya, pero dumating ang panahon, na-in-love din ang hunghang. At ayun, tanga na siya ngayon. Lahat kasi ng nahahawakan ng love nagiging oxymoron din. O kaya paminsan, nagiging moron lang.

Hindi lang kasi basta baliktaran ang pag-ibig. Lahat ng bagay nababaligtad din niya. Lahat ng malalakas na tao, humihina. Ang mayayabang, nagpapakumbaba. Ang mga walang pakialam, nagiging Mother Teresa.

Ang mga henyo, nauubusan ng sagot. Ang malulungkot, sumasaya. Ang matitigas, lumalambot. (At tumitigas din ang mga bagay na madalas nama'y malambot.)

Nakakatawa talaga. Lalo na kapag dumadating siya sa mga taong ayaw na talaga magmahal. Napansin ko nga eh. Parang kung gusto mo lang ma-in-love ulit, sabihin mo lang ang magic words na "Ayoko na ma-inlove!" biglang WACHA! Ayan na siya. Nang-aasar. Magpapaasar ka naman.

Di ba nakakatawa rin na pagdating sa problema ng ibang tao, ang galing galing mo? Pero 'pag problema mo na yung pinag-uusapan parang nawawalan ng saysay lahat ng ipinayo mo dun sa namomroblemang tao? Naiisip mong wala namang mali dun sa mga sinabi mo. Pero bakit parang wala ring tama?

Bali-baliktad din ang nasasabi ng mga taong tinamaan ng madugong pana ng pag-ibig. "Ngayon ko lang nalaman ganito pala. Sabi ko na eh! "Ang sarap mabuhay. Pwede na 'ko mamatay. Now na!"

At hindi lang 'yon. Ang sarap din pagtawanan ng mga taong alam naman nilang masasaktan lang sila eh magpapatihulog pa rin sa bangin ng pag-ibig. Tapos 'pag luray-luray na yung puso nila, siyempre hindi sila yung may kasalanan. Siya! "Bakit niya 'ko sinaktan?" May kasama pang pagsuntok sa pader yon, at pagbabagsak ng pinto. Hayop talaga.

Mauubos ang buong magdamag ko kakasabi ng mga bagay na nakakatawa 'pag pag-ibig na ang pinag-usapan. Ang daming beses ko na kasi siya nakasalubong kaya masasabi ko nang eksperto na 'ko. Pero wala pa rin akong alam.

Pero ang pinakanakakatawa sa lahat ay ang katotohanang kapag gusto magpatawa ng pag-ibig, ipusta na mo na lahat ng ari-arian mo dahil siguradong ikaw ang punchline.

Nakakatawa no?

Nakakaiyak.

To Sir, With Love

2006-01-29T23:51:00.000+08:00

I know that I am not supposed to look at other men and find them attractive, being an engaged woman and all, but I cannot help but find one of my professors in grad school cute. He is a cross between Ian Veneracion and Big of Sex and the City.

He's cute but on the heavy side. He's charming but Trex, Thea and I are still guilty of getting bored in class and checking out his Friendster profile while he's lecturing on some boring stat subject. And I am also guilty of dozing off a few times in his class. I blame this on my 8:30 AM accounting class.

Since our subject is on crushes on teachers, I remember NOT having a crush on any of my teachers in high school (I study in an exclusive girl school). I admired some of them because I found them smart and cool but never really had a crush on them. But I do remember a lot of my schoolmates being infatuated and I just didn't get it. Late bloomer lang siguro talaga ako. I remember them having a crush on this teacher who they said looked like Tom Cruise (yeah right!) except that he had polio. Yes, one of his legs is shorter than the other.

Then came college teachers. I remember this Sociology teacher that my friends had who was so cute. His name was Tristan. I cannot remmeber his last name so I can't search for him in Friendster. I wasn't enrolled in the same Sociology class as my friends so I sat in on his classes. Talk about getting an Intro on Introduction in Sociology. So when the time came for me to enroll in Sociology, I was already a master in Introduction to Sociology that I got exempted in the final exams already. Oh yeah, I also had a crush on my Sociology teacher. Not because he was cute like Tristan who is a commercial model but rumored to be gay but because he was smart. And I am a sucker for smart guys who are good conversationalists. I just can't stand idiots.

This is one of the reasons why I enjoy going to MBA classes. Aside from having a chance to make snide remarks and side comments about classmates we don't like, sometimes you get a chance to have a cute professor who has a habit of being late and absent and loves to swear in class.

---
Speaking of MBA classes, we have this classmate in accounting that we just don't like because she was rude to us. So she will never be our friend and she will always be referred to as bobo, panget or both.

We may be in grad school but it sure is fun to act like you're in high school.
---

If you wanted the sky
I would write across the sky in letters
That would soar a thousand feet high
To you, with love

- To Sir, With Love

Operator (That's Not The Way It Feels)

2006-01-11T00:06:00.000+08:00

as sung by Toby Lightman, originally by Jim Croce, and is currently being played in Jam 88.3

Operator, well could you help me place this call?
See, the number on the matchbook is old and faded.
He's living in L. A. with my ex-bestfriend they say
A girl he said he knew well and sometimes hated.

Isn't that the way they say it goes?
Well, let's forget all that
And give me the number if you can find it,
So I can call just to tell 'em I’m fine and to show
I've overcome the blow, I’ve learned to take it well --
I only wish my words could just convince myself
That it just wasn't real, but that's not the way it feels.

Operator, well could you help me place this call?
Well, I can't read the number that you just gave me.
There's something in my eyes, you know it happens every time --
I think about a love that I thought would save me.

Isn't that the way they say it goes?
Well, let's forget all that
And give me the number if you can find it,
So I can call just to tell 'em I’m fine and to show
I've overcome the blow, I’ve learned to take it well --
I only wish my words could just convince myself
That it just wasn't real, but that's not the way it feels.
No, no, no, no -- that's not the way it feels.

Operator, well let's forget about this call --
There's no one there I really wanted to talk to.
Thank you for your time, ah, you've been so much more than kind.
And you can keep the dime.

Isn't that the way they say it goes?
Well, let's forget all that
And give me the number if you can find it,
So I can call just to tell 'em I’m fine and to show
I've overcome the blow, I’ve learned to take it well --
I only wish my words could just convince myself
That it just wasn't real, but that's not the way it feels.
No, no, no, no -- that's not the way it feels.

Which Greek Goddess Are You?

2006-01-04T20:33:00.000+08:00

See which Greek Goddess you are.

The Best and The Best of 2005

2006-01-01T21:52:00.001+08:00

"Live with no excuses and love with no regrets." - Montel

I would like to look back on all the years that have passed with a nostalgic smile in my face. So here's the Best of the Best of my 2005.

JANUARY

Sibling Reunion - after more than a year of my brother staying, living and thriving in San Francisco, he came home! So for about 3 weeks, it became the usual chaotic scene in our house which I hated but missed when my brother's gone.

FEBRUARY

Birthday Bash / Despedida - to celebrate my 25th birthday and to throw a despedida for my brother. I rented a one-bedroom suite in BSA Tower and my brother and I invited our closest friends.

National Retail Convention 2005 - it was the best NRC I had and the last one I'll be having with Kartika and Leny. Bittersweet experience indeed.

MARCH

Promotion - just when I thought that my career was going nowhere and I was about to look for a new job, I got the promotion. And I got it fair and square!

Family Reunion - after years and years of my Tita Tess and her family living in Kansas City, they finally came home for a visit. I wasn't able to spend a lot of time with them because of my work but it was nice seeing them after all these years.

APRIL

Puerto Galera - after years of procrastinating and promises to myself being broken, I was able to pack my bags to experience Puerto Galera in the summer - TWICE! It may not be Boracay or Palawan but the experience was worth it. It was one promise to myself that I've finally fulfilled.

First car - my 2005 Automatic Transmission Honda City in Satelitte Silver was finally delivered. After months of debates with my classmates and friends on whether to get a Jazz or a City, the City won and I am very happy with my decision.

MAY

Start of classes -of my last term in PGDM. Classes are Business Communications and Financial Accounting. New term, new friends. How ironic is it that I almost flunked Buscom and I passed Finacc with no effort at all? Oh well. That's life.

JUNE

"Sometimes the ones you love hurt you the most." - Jessica Foutch

JULY

Swan Lake - I have always wanted to watch Swan Lake The Ballet since I was a kid. When I read in some publication that Ballet Philippines will be performing Swan Lake, Leny and I excitedly went to CCP to watch. We were able to watch 95% of the show since we fell asleep for about 5 minutes during the first set of the performance.

AUGUST

Kiss and make up - after more than 3 months of not talking to each other and pretending we don't know each other whenever the SNO gang will go out for dinner, Don and I finally "kissed" and made up.

Last day - of my last term in PGDM. Time to move on to more serious stuff - MBA!

SEPTEMBER

5th Anniversary - after 5 years, Red and I are still together. We celebrated it by going to Tagaytay and acting like tourists and just enjoying each other's company.

OCTOBER

The Collings - arrival of Tita Ciel, Bill and EG from England. They've been there for 3 years. They left when EG was 6 years old. Now he's 9 years old, taller, smarter, more talkative than ever.

Sony Ericsson K750i - I decided that letting go means reaping great rewards. I have decided to let go of Globe and my Nokia cellphone for a Smart line and a brand new Sony Ericcson k750i. It may not be as user-friendly as Nokia but it definitely takes great pictures with its 2 MP built-in digicam.

Reunion - after 9 years, I was able to see my childhood bestfriend, Bong, again. She came home to be wed to her very first boyfriend whom she met in the US. After 6 months, Kartika went home from the US and decided to shift careers. Reuniting with her at Vanilla Bean was very memorable and funny at the same time.

NOVEMBER

Yoga - Anna and I enrolled for 3 yoga classes at Bikhram Yoga. Sweats rolled off our entire body. I wanted to give up after the first 30 minutes but giving up was just not my nature. So I continued and finished the class and went back for 2 more.

Laguna with the Nessias - since Tita Ciel and family are here for a limited period of time, we decided to have a Family Day at one of the resorts in Laguna - Hill Spa Resort. We've been going to this resort for years and years. This is even where I celebrated my 18th birthday with my family and friends.

DECEMBER

Boracay Tickets - I have decided that this year I need to fulfill my promises to myself. I need to live life and travel more. So when Cebu Pacific announced their GO FARES, Thea and I went to their ticketing office to book ourselves a round trip ticket to Boracay this coming March 2006. Cross your fingers...

Shell Family Day - was spent at Enchanted Kingdom and I spent it with the people in my life who I adore - Mama, EG, Red, Anna (with Ric). EG may be a handful but I still love him just the same and I enjoyed every moment that I spent with him. I will never forget going on the Log Jam with Red and EG.

Enchanted Kingdom tickets for EG - P550
Pizza for EG - P180
EG's spilled Chocolate Milkshake - P55
Dragon necklace which EG broke the same day - P100
EG crying on the Log Jam - Priceless!

Reunion of the Tres Marias - After 6 years of communicating via chat, Trexyl, Marianne and I were able to talk face to face and in the flesh. For more details, visit Saturday Night Out.

Friendship - the silence has been broken. Connie and I are friends again.

---

A lot more has happened to me the past year. The small stuff which maybe I forgot to blog out but would still make me smile whenever I remember them such as watching Pinoy movies with Leny, Kartika pretending to be someone else and surprising me at Vanilla Bean, my relationship with Red which just got stronger, the importance of friendship, forgiveness, and family. A lot more will happen for the coming years to come. More heart aches and heart breaks, sadness and disappointment but with that will also come happiness, joy, a sense of fulfillment, achievement and contentment. So let us all live life and let us all let go of the things we cannot change and embrace the future.

---

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.

Dear Santa

2005-12-24T01:58:00.000+08:00

Since Christmas is already a day away and I've already shopped for Christmas gifts for my "inaanaks", here is MY wish list for this year:

1. iPod Nano - I want an iPod but since the Nano is the latest, this is what I want even if I fear that I will accidentally sit on it and break it into two. But if I can't have the Nano, an iPod Mini will do - in white or pink. An iPod will be the perfect partner in Boracay plus a good book on hand and a cold, cold Coke.

2. Havaianas - I still want a pair even if it's really not worth it because imitations and fakes are everywhere in the tiannges. I already have a pair of HAVANA which cost only P100. But then again, iba pa rin ang original.

3. Tiffany jewelry - all of sudden, I have this sudden urge to buy Tiffany. Why? Because I read an interview of Heart in one of the Fashion mags and she said that her fave accessory is a Tiffany dog tag necklace which says "Love Me". It's so kikay and it's so me. A friend of mine is selling a Tiffany necklace which belongs to his girlfriend. It's the usual kind with the silver chain and flat heart. He's selling it for 13K. Original price is 21K. I dwelt on the idea of buying it but I'm not too keen on owning 2nd hand jewelry. I feel like buying 2nd hand underwear.

4. More books - if any of you can't think of what to give me for Christmas, a gift certificate at Powerbooks will definitely do.

5. DVDs - Complete Season of House and One Tree Hill.

Santa Baby
by Madonna

Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me
I've been an awful good girl
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, an out-of-space convertible too, light blue
I'll wait up for you dear
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the fun I've missed
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed
Next year I could be oh so good
If you'd check off my Christmas list
Boo doo bee doo

Santa honey, I wanna yacht and really that's
Not a lot
I've been an angel all year
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa cutie, there's one thing I really do need, the deed
To a platinum mine
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, I'm filling my stocking with a duplex, and checks
Sign your 'X' on the line
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me
Boo doo bee doo

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring
I don't mean a phone
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight

Lazy

2005-12-23T10:34:00.000+08:00

I'm on vacation leave. My 2nd 5-day vacation leave since I started in Shell in 2002. Imagine that!

I was thinking of what I would or should do for the 5 days that I won't have to work. But I ended up doing nothing. Talk about being lazy.

I have so much to blog about. Our Family Day at Enchanted Kingdom, ocular inspection of Orchidarium and Butterfly Pavillion, teambuilding at The Farm at San Benito, wedding of Joy and a whole lot more. Again, I am just too lazy to blog.

Before I forget, I still have to fill-up my application form for MBA and submit it along with the requirements.

On a different note, Marianne will be coming home. Yehey! After months of chatting via Yahoo Messenger and chat conferences with Trexyl, I am looking forward to the three of us having dinner.

Christmas is a couple of days away and I still haven't shopped for Christmas gifts.

Before I forget, BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAS! I know you don't read my blog but just in case you happen to pass by...

Anyway, I better go and get ready for my lunch date with Red.

How was your week?

2005-11-28T00:57:00.000+08:00

Today is November 28, a monday and a non-working holiday. But being the loser that I am with tons of work to do, I will be going to the office and hope that I get some real work done.

Nevertheless, here's what I did for the past week.

Last wednesday, I attended my last yoga class with Anna and Tina. I must admit that I was never into sports nor into exercise. But I definitely enjoyed the 3 yoga classes I attended at Bikram Yoga located at Corporate 88 Building, Makati. I would definitelty love to continue my yoga sessions if the price to pay isn't so goddamn expensive! Our first 3 classes for beginners were discounted at P800 for 3 classes. After that, the price per session will escalate to about P600. If that's the case, I'd rather enroll in Fitness First. But I have to say that the yoga class at Bikram Yoga's is quite different. During the 90-minute class, I have learned to just focus on myself and my capabilities and to let go of all my problems, worries and anxieties. The experience was definitely one of a kind. During our first class, I thought that it would be my first and last. It was so hard that it literally took my breath away. I had to pause and sit for about 15 minutes before I can rejoin the class again. Thankfully, the next 2 classes were a bit easier but still very challenging.

Yoginis at Bikram Yoga

Thursday, I slept over at Trexyl's place because I had to be at Makati Sports Club at the ungodly hour of 6:00 AM. I swear that I am doing this for the love of the team since I am definitely not a morning person (obvious ba? Timestamp sa blog ko past 12MN madalas). Before I digress, Anna and I went to Fort because she wanted to buy children's books. She thought there was a bazaar at The Fort but she was mistaken. We ended up window shopping at Gourdo's instead. They had a lot of neat stuff for the house which were very tempting to buy if they weren't so expensive. We saw some funky hats which we tried on and we just had to take a photo of ourselves.

After Gourdo's, I headed to Trexyl's place. Since I hadn't had dinner yet, Trex and I went to the nearby Sari-sari store and I bought instant yakisoba and a liter of Coke. Trex had some chips and dips which we also ate while watching Pinoy Big Brother. Once again, we talked about joining the show and what it would be like to be a part of PBB. That's a thought. I am sure it would be fun but I don't think that we will have the guts to actually join. After PBB, it was lights off but that doesn't mean that it's time to sleep. Trex and I ended up talking and laughing until the wee hours of the morning. Even though I told her a millions time "Good night na. Tulog na tayo.", she won't stop talking. This brought me to the conclusion that living with Trexyl may not be a good idea because it would mean sleepless nights and sleepy days.

Friday, I woke up at around 5:30AM hoping to be at Makati Sports for our event by 6AM. Of course that would be impossible. I got to Makati Sports at 6:30 AM and almost everyone were already there. Oh well. Better late than never. I was so sleepy the whole day and I totally had no energy at all that I didn't feel like eating even if there were a lot of food which I was excited to eat the past few days. I was so glad when the event ended at around 5PM. I stopped by the office for a few minutes then I drove myself to ATC to meet up with Red and watch Harry Potter 4: The Goblet of Fire. I arrived in Alabang at around 6AM and Red was just on his way to the office. So I parked outside their building and slept. I was that tired and sleepy. Red arrived at around 6:45 PM then we headed straight to ATC. After the movie, we headed straight home. Red stayed for about 5 minutes and went home since I was so sleepy and I just wanted to sleep. I slept until 3PM the next day, saturday.

Saturday, I met up with Trexyl again and went to the World Trade Center Christmas Bazaar. I bought a pair of pedal pushers for P300. Same style as the one I bought at Bench. Trex bought a lot of stuff as usual. Then we went to The Fort since there was also a bazaar there. We weren't able to catch the NBCc Tent bazaar so we just went to the small one at the center of The Fort. After shopping, we ate at Zong. We ordered Suckling Pig with Jelly Salad and Shrimp and Peach spring rolls which we hated. After dinner, we went to Trex's place to watch PBB again. I got home before 12MN.

Sunday, I slept the entire day and waking up to eat or watch DVDs which I borrowed from Trex. I enjoyed Mona Lisa Smile since it reminded me of Dead Poets Society. I also borrowed Sideways but there was something wrong with the DVD or my player so I was unable to finish it.

It's technically a monday already and I should be sleeping again since I need to go to the office tomorrow. I am praying that I will be able to take my 5-day vacation leave on December since I need a break and spend some quality time with my family.

Not Proud

2005-11-28T00:09:00.000+08:00

I admit that I've done some things that I'm not very proud of and I am sure that everyone has their own secrets to keep.

So aside from Post Secret which I visit every week, I have discovered a new website wherein you can submit your confessions anonymously.

The website has divided it's confessions to 8 categories. The first 7 are the deadly sins which are Pride, Envy, Sloth, Gluttony, Greed, Lust and Anger. The last one is for miscellaneous confessions.

Below are some of the confessions from Not Proud:

11/10/2005 at 19:59:24

Too little, too late? You had me for four years. I wanted to marry you. You were too fucking scared and sketchy. Now, a year and a half later, you send me poetry and text messages, calling me to tell me that you'll be incomplete forever unless I come back to you? Gimme a fuckin break. Go fuck your ex-wife some more.

11/10/2005 at 17:13:56

I still love you. No matter what I do I can't rid my mind of you. I hate you for that; for your ability to remain after it's all over. I just wish this ache would go away.

11/10/2005 at 14:01:17

My ex-boyfriend wanted me to blow him in a public park. I agreed, as long as it was secluded. We found a spot, and I went to work on him. We were so involved that we didn't hear these guy come up the sidewalk. They surrounded us and started taunting us, and the fucker, the pussy, the fucking wimp took off running! They taunted me some more and made me think they were going to gang rape me, but then let me go. My cowardly ex was waiting in the bushes a little way away. He tried telling me that he was waiting for the right moment to come running and rescue me. Bullshit. I let him walk me back to the parking lot and then dumped his ass right then and there and drove home. When I got there, I found a message on my machine, from him, telling me that he thinks it'd be better for both of us if we didn't tell anyone about what happened. God, what a loser.

Secrets...

2005-11-24T07:12:00.000+08:00

...of other people which you may be able to relate to.

For more, visit PostSecret.

Bad habits are hard to break

2005-11-19T12:07:00.000+08:00

I'm currently doing two things I shouldn't be doing but I just can't help be do them: PROCRASTINATE and NAIL BITE.

My procrastinating activities are as follows: surfing the internet while writing this entry and biting my nails when I'm trying to think of a word which is on the tip of my tongue.

Thus, I was able to "discover" some new blogs which I got from a blog I've already linked to my blog.

Here's the path I took: Kabaliwan ni Maan --> Unwelcome Return to the Single Life --> Same Cross, Different Nails --> Love is a Cunt

I'm still contemplating if I should link up the two latter blogs.

What the heck! I'll link them.

Then I can stop my procrastination and get on with my real work.

Going back: Surreal and melancholic

2005-11-13T12:25:00.000+08:00

After 8 years, I again revisited my neighborhood where I grew up. I've lived in Sampaguita Street for about 8 years. 8 years of growing up and going to puberty and angst. Until now, I still dream of our house in RGV Homes as well as the people who live there. When we left in 1997, we went back once and never again. I always dreamt of going back there. In a car. Driving through the streets. Checking out the houses. After 8 years, my dream came true. I went back, in my car, drove through the streets, checked out the houses, hoping to see a familiar face. But there was no one there that I knew. Even the houses were different. I almost didn't recognize our house where I grew up. I was so excited to be back there that I cannot help but take pictures. Unfortunately, I didn't have the nerve to open the windows because someone might see me taking pictures of "our" house which is theirs already and might mistake me for an Akyat Bahay Gang member.

Our house looks old and ugly as well as PJ's house. The gate which was brown before was now blue. They built a water tank at the corner. There were no more plants and trees at the front. Only the santol tree remains. The dama de noche is gone as well as the birds of paradise and the santan bushes. I hope the 2 mangga trees are still in the backyard. They didn't produce the best hilaw na mangga in the neighborhood but it was fun climbing those trees and picking the mangga off its branch. Sarap also with suka and toyo! It makes me sad to see the house I grew up in in such a sorry state. I almost didn't recognize it.

33 Sampaguita St.: The house I grew up in

31 Sampaguita St.: My bestfriend's house

Shortcut path from Narra St. to Sampaguita St.

10 years ago, you would have seen a different kind of neighborhood from what I saw earlier today. The streets would be filled with kids riding on bikes and playing street games. Patintero. Taguan. Cops and Robbers. Tumbang Preso. Shato. Tex. Chinese Garter. There would be vendors selling taho in the morning, fishballs, assorted nuts, nilagang mais in the afternoon. Now Sampaguita Street is quiet. Wala na ang magugulo at maiingay. They moved out and grew up. Hindi na napalitan. Hindi mapapalitan.

My childhood was not 100% full of happy memories. We were not the Brady Bunch. In fact, we could be the noisiest house on the block. To think dalawa lang kaming magkapatid. World War 3 araw-araw. Nevertheless, I miss my childhood. It was a very happy childhood. It was the best!

When you finally go back to your old hometown, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood. - Sam Ewing

The long weekend is OVER!

2005-11-06T23:45:00.000+08:00

I almost cannot bear the thought of getting up early tomorrow morning and driving myself to the office.

But of course there are some things that I am looking forward to such as:

1. Listening to Chico and Delamar on RX 93.1
2. A hot cup of coffee in the morning while reading my e-mails
3. Bringing my car to Honda Makati for the 10K maintenance check-up (but I am NOT looking forward to spending P3,700!!!)
4. Chatting with friends via Trillian (ssshh.... don't tell my boss)
5. Working. Yes. There's so much stuff I need to do that I can't wait to start on it PRONTO!

During the long weekend, I mostly spent my time "bonding" with our TV and I found myself enjoying the following TV shows:

1. One Tree Hill - I am currently IN LOVE with Nathan (James Lafferty). He is such a hunk! I may be unofficially engaged but a girl can still dream. Especially if it's about cute and hunky guys such as Nathan. Nathan, mahal na kita! I am totally entertaining the thought of buying the dvd of OTH... but maybe not.

2. Pinoy Big Brother - I'm not a BIG fan yet but whenever I channel surf and I land on Studio 23 or Ch. 2 when this show is on, I find myself mesmerized. Yeah, yeah, it's scripted daw. But what the heck! This show is still fun to watch and more fun when you're with friends.

3. Desperate Housewives - Since this show is being aired on a workday at around 8PM, I never get to watch it. So I was quite happy to catch the marathon on Star World earlier. Unfortunately, I had to drive Mama to SM Bacoor to do some grocery shopping so I grudgingly said good bye to the Desperate Housewives thus I missed 2.5 episodes. Good thing Rica will be lending me her dvd of the 1st season. Yahoo!

It's already quarter to 12MN. Better get some shut eye and start dreaming about Nathan. =)

I love you in all moments of our absurdity

2005-11-06T02:26:00.000+08:00

I have been chatting with my close friends who are in the US right now and our ain topic is almost always about their problems with their current relationships. I am not a 'guru' when it comes to relationships since I do not claim to have a perfect one. But whenever I hear their stories, it makes me appreciate what I have right now.

My boyfriend may be the most understanding, patient, kind, smart and handsome guy and he's also damn lucky to have a pretty, sexy, smart, crazy, sometime bitchy girlfriend like me. Harharhar!

I'm sorry for being mean, for rolling my eyes out of exasperation and impatience, for shouting at you whenever I get mad (again because of my impatience), for telling you "Wutever!" when I don't want to listen, for being a brat and throwing temper tantrums when I don't get what I want even if it's not your fault, and for all the nasty stuff which may send me straight to hell when I die and I am just counting on you to save me.

I love you for the big things that mean a lot and for the little things which also count such as calling me everyday or texting me, for the time you helped me with my statistics, for supporting me during my thesis days, for driving my car, for letting me pick where to eat, for letting me take a sip of your drink and a bite of your food, for accompanying me to window shop and check out almost all the stores in ATC even if we both know that I'm not going to buy anything, and a whole lot more.

I am definitely looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you and I am sure that we will have lots of fun just watching our favorite shows on tv such as The Amazing Race and reminiscing about the past episodes when we were so sure that I was Flo and you were Zach and hoping that in the future we will be like the Gaghan Family which I am sure we will be.

The Long Weekend

2005-11-01T10:24:00.000+08:00

I was planning to go to Zambales with Kartika and her family. But I guess God had a different plan for me. So I was stuck in the areas of Cavite, Alabang, Pque and Makati instead.

Friday, I hung out at Trex's place with Glenn and Don. For more details and photos, please visit SNO.

Saturday was spent sleeping. I went out at around 6PM to go to Alabang Town Center with Red. We just had dinner at Tempura and coffee at Seattle's Best. BTW, I am already hooked on Seattle's Java Jelly. I loooovveeeee the jellies! Before heading home, we stopped by Lola's placee to talk to Tita Ciel and Bill. They're going to Zambales (kainis!) for the long weekend and they asked if I can drop them off at the bus station. Of course I said yes. I was already contemplating on how I will be able to wake up at 7Am since I can't sleep because of the Java Jelly I drank.

Sunday, I woke up early much to my surprise. Before 8AM, we were already off. After dropping off Tita Ciel and Bill at the Victory Liner Terminal, I went straight to the office. By 9AM, I'm already there but I can't seem to start with my work. Warm-up muna! So I checked my Friendster and my blog. Around 10AM, Anna came and I decided to start working. We had lunch at around 1PM at Max's Jupiter, went back to the office and worked some more until 6PM. Then we decided to get a massage. I was thinking of going to Oliva Spa which charges P400 for a Swedish/Shiatsu Massage for 1 hour. Anna suggested that we try Tonton's Thai Massage which is near Makati Sports. The massage costs P300 for an hour. Since kuripot ako, we went to Tonton's. If you want a quick massage and you don't want to have oil on your body and hair, better go to Tonton's. I actually fell asleep during my massage. It's either THAT GOOD or I was just so tired. I was supposed to meet up with Red but decided to just go home instead and rest.

Yesterday, I was planning to do a lot of things. Go to CANS have my nails done, go to BF ruins to do some shopping then go to ATC to watch the Advanced Screening of Flightplan. I was able to go to CANS. So that's one check mark. Then I went to BF ruins but I was very disappointed because I was only able to buy a curling iron for Trex. I was supposed to buy pink flip-flops and this gold sandals but they don't have my size. Bad trip talaga! I then decided to go to Festival Mall to check if HerBench has the white capri shorts in medium and the Good Girl Tee. These items are also OUT OF STOCK! So bad trip na naman ako! We then went to ATC to catch Flightplan and when I got to the ticket counter, the 8:30PM show is already sold out. The next show is 10:40PM. Aaarrrgggggghhhhh!!! This is definitely not my day. So Red and I decided to go to Starbucks Las Pinas instead before heading home.

Today I plan to just stay home and organize my closet and clean our room and watch some TV and maybe surf some more. Hopefully by lunch time my chatmates in the US are already online.

Barbara's @ Intramuros

2005-10-20T07:14:00.000+08:00

Last monday, Red and I celebrated our monthiversarry. We were supposed to go to Intramuros last Sunday to check out the places where we can have our wedding reception, but since both us were too lazy to get out of bed and out of the house, we decided to postpone it. So he suggested that we have dinner at Intramuros on Monday. He already surfed the internet for restaurants and he found a couple of them which looked good but will be closing at 9PM. So mega madali naman kami since he was able to fetch me here in the office at 7:30PM. We weren't really sure where the restos are so we drove around. Intramuros is amazing! It's like going back to the time of Maria Clara and Crisostomo Ibarra. We were able to spot Barbara's which is open until 10PM so we decided to have dinner there.

Barbara's @ Intramuros

The food was ok. It was affordable. We had pasta and mozzarella sticks. The only thing I hate is the chairs. The back rest is so straight that you really couldn't slouch and you are forced to sit up straight. I love the "old" ambiance though it's a little creepy. It's the kind of place wherein you wouldn't want to go to the comfort room alone. It's something different from the usual restaurants that we go to. This is definitely an experience.

----

Enough about Intramuros. Check out my new haircut! I am proud to say that Kartika did my hair. Yes, she's back from San Francisco and is now studying to become a professional beautician. I have to say that she has done a good job of styling my hair AND convincing me that it looks nice. A lot of my hair has been chopped off. I was actually about to cry! I am that attached to my hair. But after the blow dry and after the praises (hahaha!), I began to like it. Let us give Kartika a big applause. She was able to do the impossible which is convincing me to cut my hair and making me love it. She has also passed the test of "Dealing with difficult clients". Yes, I was a bit difficult. I complained and whined until the end. But Kartika handled my small tantrums and air of bitchiness with such ease. Nasanay na sya after years of working with me. Hahaha! Love you Karts!

Kartika and me after the successful hair make-over

Just call me Angel

2005-10-16T02:09:00.000+08:00

Believe it or not, non-Pinoys have a hard time pronouncing my nickname. So whenever I am to introduce myself to someone who's not Filipino, I use my given name - Angela. Even my company e-mail address reflects my given name. Kaya ang daming nalilito sa office kapag may gustong mag-e-mail sa akin. They look for Maan and they obviously won't find it becuse my e-mail address is registered under Angela. Sometimes some of them don't know that I am Maan AND/OR Angela. I always here comments like, "Ah, ikaw pala si Angela Isaac."

A lot of people, Pinoys and non-Pinoys, can't get my name right. Be it my nickname or my given name. Some people mispronounce Maan as Me-anne or May Anne. Weird. Some call me Angelica, Angel, and the worst of all, Ghe. I have to applaud them for their creativity.

One time I received an e-mail from one of the bosses commending me for a job well done. When a month ago, she was about to ship me to Cebu to be trained as an AA. In the e-mail, she used "Angela". So Anna said, "Angela ka raw. Baka di nya alam na ikaw si Maan."

So what is in a name? According to Kabalarians...

The name of Angela creates a very quiet, practical nature and a clever and inventive mind. Being analytical and naturally studious, you are interested in a factual understanding of the mysteries of life. Your methodical nature requires that you like to finish what you start without interruptions and also to have everything in its place and properly organized. An ability to concentrate could take you into computer programming or accountancy or any work requiring concentration and attention to detail. You have, also, a flair for creative expression with your hands. You take life seriously and can be easily and deeply hurt and go into moods which can be quite extreme at times, causing much turmoil and unhappiness.

I have to agree with the meaning of my name. Except for the very quiet part of it. But I can be very quiet especially when I'm really, really pissed.

Angel Of The Morning
by The Pretenders

There'll be no strings to bind your hands
Not if my love can bind your heart.
There's no need to take a stand
for it was I who chose to start.
I see no need to take me home,
I'm old enough to face the dawn.

Just call me angel of the morning, angel
Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby.
Just call me angel of the morning, angel
Then slowly turn away from me.

Maybe the sun's light will be dim
and it won't matter anyhow.
If morning's echo says we've sinned,
Well, it was what I wanted now.
And if we're the victims of the night,
I won't be blinded by the light.

Just call me angel of the morning, angel
Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby.
Just call me angel of the morning, angel
Then slowly turn away,
I won't beg you to stay with me
Through the tears of the pain,
Of the years,
Oh baby baby baby.

Just call me angel of the morning, angel
Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby
Just call me angel of the morning, angel
Just touch my cheek before you leave me, darling
Just call me angel of the morning, angel
Just touch my cheek before you leave me, darling

Assumptionista

2005-10-13T02:02:00.000+08:00

As far back as I can remember, Kulasas were "brainwashed" into believing that our No. 1 rival is Assumption. The other exclusive school for girls whose uniform resembles that of a table cloth. But who are we to comment on school uniforms when ours looks like a maid's uniform. But being a logical girl even at such a young age, I was not one who gets brainwashed easily. Why the heck would I dislike a person just because she studies or studied in a certain school?

But this entry is not about St. Scho's rivalry with Assumption or other exclusive schools. This is about one of my very close friend who's an Assumptionista.

Leny is in San Francisco right now and I miss her terribly. I remember during my first few weeks in Fleet, Leny told me (with Tina, her current seatmate within earshot), "Maan, masarap ka sigurong maging seatmate." Of course, nag-react ang Tina.

Her wish was granted when we transferred from the 5th to the 6th floor. We became seatmates. When there weren't dividers yet, I would constantly complain to her that her things were already flowing into my desk and eating up my space. Funny how I miss those instances.

She was also my coffee buddy. During the mornings before starting with our work, we would go to the pantry to get coffee. It was also our time to make "chismis" because we can't do it in the office because our boss might hear us. Not just chismis, we would talk about our lives, dreams, hopes, angst, sorrows and joys. If the pantry walls could talk, it would definitely divulge our deepest and darkest secrets.

Now, whenever I go the pantry to get coffee during the morning, I cannot help but miss Leny.

I will also miss my bonding sessions with Leny whenever I sleep over at her place. We would talk until the wee hours of the morning regardless if we have to wake up to go to the office the next day. She would shower first because it takes her about an hour to dry her hair. This gives me more time to sleep.

Now, I still sleep in the wee hours of the morning because I chat with Leny. I just pretend that she's in Makati still and she just can't sleep that's why she's still online.

I seldom play my Winamp in the office. It's lonely when you're the only one listening to your mp3s. Before, Leny would request songs to be played. Our favorites are Beauty on the Fire by Natalie Imbruglia, songs by Plumb such as Real, Boys Don't Cry and Stranded as well as old sentimental songs such as You Got It All by The Jets and The Day You Went Away by Wendy Matthews.

Now, I am hoping that when I apply for a US tourist visa, I would get approved. I cannot wait to have coffee with Leny again. I am sure that our line, "Let's have coffee in San Francisco." will really happen. This is not a matter of if, but a matter of WHEN.

The Day You Went Away
Wendy Matthews

Hey, does it ever make you wonder
What's on my mind
I, I was only ever running to your side
I never cried,
I just watched my life go by
It's just a pack of lies,
'cause you're leaving me behind

Why, after this long is there nothing I'll keep
Oh, I can shout
You'll pretend you're falling asleep
I live a lie
Yeah, believing that you're mine
It's just a waste of time
'cause you're leaving me behind

Hey, there's not a cloud in the sky
It's as blue as your goodbye
And I thought it would rain
On a day like today

Hey, there's not a cloud in sight
It's as blue as your blue goodbye
And I thought it would rain
The day you went away

Hey, does it ever make you wonder what's on my mind
I was only ever running back to your side

Hey, there's not a cloud in the sky
It's as blue as your goodbye
And I thought it would rain
On a day like today

Hey, there's not a cloud in sight
It's as blue as your blue goodbye
And I thought it would rain
The day you went away

He's on the buses, and the aeroplanes
With some groceries and a sleeping bag....

Who is Karen?

2005-10-11T23:53:00.000+08:00

Inspired by the Who is Maan section of my personal website (which is a different thing from this blog), here's a small section for Karen since she just turned 26 years old last September.

Karen. Born under the sign of Libra. According to horoscopes and meanings of the zodiac signs, Librans are very compatible with Aquarians. No wonder that Karen's closest friends are me and Rose May (Aquarians) and Janice (Libran).

She is not the girly-girly type. Nevertheless, she enjoys going to the salon for a stylish haircut and some highlights for her hair. She also loves baking cookies which are so yummy. I swear that they are better than Mrs. Fields.

Karen is also a professor in our dear Alma Mater. Yes, she loves La Salle so much that she decided to go back and teach. It was actually a shocker to some of our classmates at first because no one thought that this sleepy girl with Garfield eyes who would cheat during exams would be a professor. Oh well. That's life. Full of surprises.

She loves to travel. If I were to join the Amazing Race, one of my candidates for a partner would be Karen. She knows how to drive a car, ride a bike and swim. She's been to the north part of the Philippines, Boracay, Cebu, Bohol, Hong Kong, China & Alabang Town Center.

To the serious part of things, Karen is a great friend. I will always remember the very first conversation we had. We were in the college canteen. I was eating my lunch and she was selling jackets. I was daring her to eat the "litid" from my ulam for P10.00. Unfortunately, she declined. Nevertheless, that was the start of a great friendship.

Karen is a very good listener and she also gives sound advice. Solicited advice. She is not judgemental. Regardless of what you've done, she will still be your friend. She will listen to your rants and raves, your whining and complaining. That's why I love her so much. She can take my rants, raves, complaing and whining. Hahaha! She may be on the conservative side with her morals and principles intact, but she's not too uptight not to enjoy Sex and the City.

But that does not mean we never had our fights and arguments. I remember that we had 2 misunderstandings. The first one was when I found out that I flunked our final exams because she gave me the wrong set of answers. Second one was when I decided to hitch a ride with another friend instead of meet her somewhere in Manila. Karen, naaalala mo pa ba ito?

Karen, thanks for making my college life memorable and fun. I will never forget the time we made our project at Janice's house and I was stricken with allergies and had a hard time breathing. It touched me deeply knowing that you and Janice had great confidence that I can finish our project in an hour. Also, our tricycle ride to an early death along C3 will never be forgotten. Thank you for listening to my stories and my problems. For the pieces of advice you've given me. For trying to teach me a few chinese words such as WO AY NI, IT DI SA SI GO LAK CHIT PWE KAW CHAP, OCHI, HAP CHIA, HOWE, KAI SIAO, SIAO SIAO, PWAYAM, and a whole lot more. I am definitely looking forward to more bonding moments with you and the Muskutings.

Patawarin Na Po Natin Sila

2005-10-08T00:19:00.000+08:00

Isang gabi, naglalakad ang isang lalaki sa may tulay nang may makita siyang babaeng nasa taas ng gilid nito at magtatangkang magpatiwakal.

"Huwag," sigaw ng lalaki. At sa kabutihang palad ay nakumbinsi ang babae at siya'y bumaba.

Lalaki: Ano bang problema mo't naisipan mong gawin yan?

Babae: Kasi, iniwan ako ng boypren ko't sumama sa ibang babae.

Lalaki: Miss, ganyan din ang problema ko pero di ko inisip na magpakamatay.

Babae: So, anong gagawin natin?

Nag-isip sandali ang lalaki at sinabi..

Lalaki: Kung gusto mo, maghiganti tayo sa kanila.

Babae: Paanong paghihiganti?

Lalaki: Alam mo na ang ibig kong sabihin... (sabay kindat sa babae na nakuha naman ni babae ang ipinahiwatig na yon).

Maya maya'y nasa isang kuwarto na sila ng motel at nangyari na nga ang di dapat mangyari. Nang makaraos si lalaki, nagsindi siya ng yosi. Nang halos filter na lang ay biglang nagsabi si babae ng "Maghiganti uli tayo".

Medyo pagod, pero pinagbigyan uli niya ang request ni babae.

Nang makaraos uli, nagsindi uli si lalaki ng yosi.

Nasa kalahati pa lang ang yosi.

Babae: Maghiganti uli tayo.

Medyo nangangatog na ang mga tuhod pero dahil sa hiling, muling pinagbigyan niya si babae. Muling nakaraos ang dalawa.

Nagsindi uli si lalaki ng yosi.

Unang hitit pa lang niya ay:

Babae: Ganti uli tayo.

Talagang lupaypay na si manoy niya pero para huwag mapahiya ay muling pinagbigyan niya ang kahilingan ng babae.

Pagkatapos kumuha siya ng yosi. Sisindihan pa lang nang biglang...

Babae: Ganti uli tayo.

Lalaki: 'TANGNA NAMAN! PATAWARIN NA NATIN SILA!!!!

---
Matagal ko nang narinig itong joke na 'to. But a few months back, Glenn told this joke to me and Trexyl. For some strange reason, tawang-tawa kami. As in tawang-tawa. Ito na ang favorite story namin of all time.

So Trexyl, here it is.

Glenn, I'm so sorry because sinabi kong dagdag-bawas ka nung kinwento mo ulit kay Allan. Tama pala yung kwento mo na nagsindi ng yosi yung lalake. Akala ko dinagdag mo lang sa storya.

Like the saying goes, "Don't get mad. Get even!"

Enjoy!

Before I call it a day...

2005-10-06T00:31:00.000+08:00

... just a reminder to me that I will be blogging about these topics.

1. An entry about the Muskuting September birthday celebrators - Karen and Janice
2. Reunion with friends - Kartika and Bong
3. Friendster - the new "Who Viewed Me" feature which created a buzz
4. Other mundane stuff such as my switch from GLOBE to SMART which comes with its PROS and CONS. One big PRO though is my NEW SE K750I! Much to Thea's irritation. Sorry Thea. These days, we just have to be practical. Will compose my e-mail regarding my switch and send it to you so you can forward it to your boss. Hehehe!

It's technically the start of a new day since it's 12:28 AM already. Thus, I have to log off and get some sleep since tomorrow is another gruelling day at work for me.

God, give me the strength to go on.

I love you more today then yesterday

2005-09-23T12:03:00.000+08:00

Have you ever seen an old couple strolling in the mall and still holding each other's hands? Just strolling. Enjoy each other's company. Content and happy.

This is the state I want to be in when I am old and gray.

After 5 years of being with Red, I am certain that when we are both old and gray, he would still continue to hold my hand while we're strolling in the mall. Just like the way he does right now.

On our way to Tagaytay

For our 5th anniversary last September 17, we decided to celebrate it in Tagaytay. Where the breeze is cooler and the ambiance is more romantic.

Viewsite Restaurant taking photos while waiting for our food

Since we were running a bit late, we had our lunch at around 3PM at Viewsite Restaurant. Like the usual Tagaytay restos in the area, they have a group of singers with guitars which would play a requested song at each table for a small donation. So while we were eating our crispy pata, ginataang kalabasa and bulalo soup, the group of singers went to our table. Since it was our anniversary, I requested them to play a really mushy song which is Wella's parents theme song (wala akong originality):

Each time we meet love
I find complete love
Without your sweet love
What would life be

So never leave me lonely
Tell me you love me only
And that you'll always let it be me

So there. That's the romantic part of our anniversary. Sayang wala kaming digicam. We wanted to take lots of pictures in Tagaytay so we had to make do of his camera phone. After lunch, we went to Josephine's to inquire their wedding reception package. We were lucky enough because there was a wedding reception going on so we were able to visualize it and how it would be if we had our reception there. After our ocular inspection (naks! serious na ba to?), we went to Raja - a Korean massage place. I treated Red and myself to a foot spa and foot reflex. It was a nice experience because we haven't done this together. So kahit na mahal and hindi ako masyadong masaya with the massage, ok lang din. I'll just charge it to experience.

After that, we headed back to Taal Vista to take a short nap before going out for dinner. Since we had a really late lunch, we had dinner at around 10:30 PM. I wasn't hungry yet so we went to Starbucks to have coffee and dessert. Unfortunately, it was a wrong move to stay at Starbucks because we found out that it was the ultimate gimmick place in Tagaytay. For short, our romantic coffee experience was not so romantic after all. So we finished our coffee and cakes and decided to go to Casino Filipino. We stayed for about an hour... di kasi kami nananalo. But it was still fun. By 1AM, we were so tired and decided to call it a night.

Red and I. We can be alike in some ways but totally different in a lot of ways also. Being together for 5 years was not a stroll in the park. To make "us" work, we really had to work for it. Compromises and sacrifices had to be made as well as understanding and acceptance of each other. I am glad that I found Red because with him I know that even if I complain a lot, bitch around a lot, throw temper tantrums, act like a spoiled brat as if the whole world revolves around me, and just be unreasonable at times... by the end of the day, I know that he loves me and I love him and that even if we are old and gray, we will still continue to hold each other's hand.

Enjoying the cool breeze at Taal Vista

Thinking of Havaianas

2005-09-16T12:19:00.000+08:00

These simple slippers. Yet, they occupy and consume my mind every time I slip into my non-Havaianas slippers. Like they say, you can only covet the things or people you cannot have. The more I convince myself that these slippers are not worth the exorbitant sum on its price tag, the more I want it. The more I think about buying one. Why is it that the we want the things we don't need and can't have? It's not that I am physically incapable of having these slippers, I am just not financially capable. Actually, I can shell out about a thousand pesos for a pair of Havaianas but I my kuripot self is still debating with my I-need-to-have-one self.

My 5th anniversary with Red is fast approaching. We are actually not into this habit of giving each other gifts. Yes, we are that romantic. Red and I, we do have a lot in common and one of those things we share is our hatred for shopping for gifts. I hate it. He hates it. So we don't do it. We would rather spend our money on restaurants or movies. The usual boring stuff.

But this year may be a bit different. Maybe Red IS thinking of what to give me. Flowers? Jewelry? Perfume? Honey, if you are reading this, there is no need to suffer mental anguish on what to give me. To make your life a little bit easier, I suggest you buy me a pair of cotton candy pink Havaianas. Just like the one pictured below.

If I ever do get to have one of these, I swear that my wardrobe would have to be mostly in pink or white so I may be able to wear them as much as possible.

My obsession over these things reminds me of an episode in Friends where Monica bought this pair of very expensive boots even though Chandler objects to it. She promised to wear it always since she can wear it with pants or skirts. She ended up leaving the boots on the sidewalk because wearing it was just killing her toes.

For now, I dedicate the song "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt to my cotton candy pink Havaianas which I will have someday.

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,'
Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,I will never be with you.

Everybody's in San Francisco

2005-09-16T10:26:00.000+08:00

And when I say everybody, I mean EVERYBODY!

Actually, almost everybody who matters to me. Kartika is there. Leny's there. My brother is there as well.

The other night, my phone rang at around 4 AM during the middle of my dreaming. When I answered, it was my brother. I was so pissed at him for calling at such an ungodly hour that I told him to talk to Mama because I want to go back to my sleep. They talked for a while and Mama passed the phone to me. I angrily got it and told Michael to call at another time because I want to sleep. Then Kartika got the phone and told me that she and Leny were at Macy's with Michael.

That woke me up. And found myself struggling myself to go back to sleep.

Two of my closest friends are with my brother and having the time of their lives. I, on the other hand, am about to start my day in 3 hours and work my butt off in the office. That day, I told Anna that we should start preparing for our US Visa. I hope my Visa gets approved. It may be a slim shot but a snowball's chance in hell is better than no chance at all.

I wish I were in San Francisco.

Stronger Than Dirt

2005-09-10T00:31:00.000+08:00

It has happened a couple of times wherein my little javascript which list referrers to my blog experience a little glitch in their system. If you are to scroll down my blog, you will usually find a small list of links to other websites just below my Wishlist with a heading "Referring Webpages, last 24 hours." Sometimes, this list would register blogs I have never heard of and when I go and check out these blogs, my link is not there and I don't know the owner of the blog listed.

That glitch happened today.

I checked out my blog to see if some of my friends who are regular visitors would leave me a message on my tagboard or a comment on one of my entries. When I checked my list of referrers, I noticed that there were about 5 websites listed which I'm not familiar with.

Of course my curiosity got the best of me so I clicked on the first unfamiliar link on the list which is stronger than dirt.

Upon reading the first few entries of this blog, I got hooked. I read all of the entries which is not that hard to accomplish since the author has just started her blog last August 2005.

Here's one entry from the blog (which is also the first entry):

Friday, August 26, 2005

It is hard with the relationship over in words but not in action.

He is still coming home every night. He is spending time with me.

The obvious difference is that he is now sleeping on the couch.

It makes it hard to break away.

I love him so much, how can he walk away from that?

posted by Heidi at 10:46 AM

I see marriages fail left and right. Most of the time, when my friends and I hear about a showbiz couple getting married, we usually cynically say, "Gaano katagal kaya sila tatagal?"

Gone are the days wherein marriages are treated to be sacred, holy and done only once in a lifetime. These days, people get married and when they're sick and tired of their husband or wife, they get a divorce. Since we're in the Philippines, there is only annulment.

My mom's separated but she's legally divorced in the US. Two of my Titas are divorced and have re-married. Two Titas on my father's side decided not to get married at all. So there's a very big chance that I might end up divorced or forever single. I hope none of that happens.

I've never given much thought to my wedding day nor to getting married, being a wife and a mother until these past few weeks. When I told my Titas about my plans of settling down in the near future, I got mixed reactions. Two of my Tita, the divorced ones who have re-married, are quite excited and I am sure are already planning what to wear. While two Titas of mine, the one who's still single and the other one who's quite happily married, are not too excited for me. They advised me to think a million times before I take the big leap from being single to being a wife.

As for Mama... she's supporting me in my decision as always. I'm sure that if she thinks I'm not doing the right thing, she won't let me. Since I'm not hearing any objections from her, I guess I'm doing the right thing.

On-going Project

2005-09-09T17:32:00.000+08:00

For the longest time, I've been searching the internet for a Sex and the City blogskin and I can't seem to find any. To end my frustration, I decided to create my own blogskin. I love Paris Hilton and I'm quite happy with my template right now but I so want to have a Sex and the City design.

I'm again browsing through the Sex and the City Official Website as well as my SATC: Kiss and Tell book for images and some inspiration.

Well, wish me luck. Hope I can make a decent blogskin.

Which Sex and the City Player Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY, TREXYL!!!

2005-09-04T22:44:00.000+08:00

Trexyl turned 23 last August 31, 2005. That makes me almost 2 years and 6 months older than her. During her birthday, I have known her for approximately 1 year and 2 months. Who would have thought I would get to like a person in such a short period? By this time it is safe for me to assume that Trexyl and I are good friends. So let me share 23 trivial things about this girl.

1. She loves Jedd.
2. She loves shoes...
3. ...Especially the stiletto types.
4. She likes dangling earrings.
5. I consider her as a shopaholic.
6. She loves to eat...
7. ...and her fave Gerry's Grill dish is Kilawin Puso ng Saging and Pork Sisig.
8. She is not a coffee drinker nor a dessert person. She does not enjoy hanging out at tarbucks because she has a hard time ordering anything since she hates coffee and sweets.
9. But she likes to have a bottle of San Mig Light with her dinner.
10. She loves home massages.
11. She loves scented candles and oils.
12. She just recently learned how to light a matchstick and use a lighter.
13. She is almost always connected to Yahoo Messenger when she is in the office.
14. She is the eldest of 4 siblings but does not act like the 'ate'.
15. She used to like MYMP especially their song 'Sa Kanya'.
16. She usually brings 'baon' for lunch so she won't have to spend for lunch outs.
17. But if you're feeling really miserable and you need someone to talk to and you don't have a lunch mate, Trexyl will go out with you for lunch and listen to you rant.
18. Konsintedor most of the time. But when enough is enough, she will tell you to stop.
20. She's a snob. If I were not friendly enough, we won't be friends. If it were up to Trexyl to make new friends in class, we won't have any new friends. Hahaha!
21. She is not perfecrt and like a normal human being, she has her mood swings and anti-social moments wherein she would rather stay home.
22. We have this very bad habit of... I'm not gonna tell in this blog. It's a bad habit but it's so fun and we can't stop doing it when we're together.
23. She just turned 23. She just got older and I am sure also a little bit wiser.

How will I Know if I Met the Person I Should Marry?

2005-08-28T23:58:00.000+08:00

How will I Know if I Met the Person I Should Marry?

by Gary Cruz

The choice of a marriage partner should not be based on "I get a warm, wonderful feeling whenever we're together and I want to have that warm wonderful feeling forever, so let's go get married". Feelings have no logic on their own. They need to be acknowledged, of course, but they need considerable assistance from your brain.

Marriage means choosing the person you will spend the rest of your life with. This, as you may have guessed, is a very long time to spend with one person. You should be ready to share your life with this person. This person will live with you, eat meals with you, sleep with you, and go on vacation with you. More important yet, this person will share your children. You need to choose wisely. The decision should not be made based on feelings alone. You need to ask yourself some tough questions. The decisions have to be made on solid considerations. Remember to look at the "big picture".

Will this person be a good partner? Is she mature enough to put her own selfish desires aside to look out for what is best for the family? Is he prepared to be a good provider? What is his track record? Is he responsible enough to get a good job and keep it? How does this person feel about love, commitment, and responsibility?

Do you ask yourself, "This person would be perfect if..."? If you find yourself doing that, or if that person is doing that to you, a compromise needs to take place. Do you ask too much from this person? Does this person ask too much of you? When you are in love, insignificant perceived "imperfections" shouldn't matter. If you want to change someone into your "perfect mate" just realize that change doesn't happen overnight, and may take several years - if it even happens. Ever heard of the saying, "You should love people for who they are, not what they can potentially become"?

Does your mate love their family? Does their parents approve of you or vice-versa? This is very important in Filipino culture, but extends to anyone. These people will be your future "in-laws" that you will spend holidays with, family reunions, etc. Also, if you feel that this person was raised well, chances are, they will instill the same values in your future children.

Will this person be a good parent? Can you stand the thought of your children turning out exactly like this person? They will, you know. Children spend a lot of time with their parents and consequently pick up many or most of their parents' character traits. You had better like your spouse's traits a lot because you will be seeing them again in your children.

If something were to happen to you, would you completely trust this person, alone, with the ask of raising and forming your children? This is not a pleasant thought, but it is an important consideration. Not everyone dies at a ripe old age with great grandchildren gathered around the bed. Sometimes a parent dies and leaves young children in the care of the other parent. If you feel that you would need to be around to correct or lessen this person's influence on your children,then you are considering the wrong person.

Does this person share your faith in God? God does not give us children so that we can mold them into the coolest, most popular people in school. Our job is to get them to heaven. To do that, we need to raise them believing in God. It is tough to do that if only one parent believes. Saying "this is right and this is wrong, and I want you to ignore Mommy until you are thirty-five" does not work. Small children ask about eight billion questions in a single day. The answers to those questions go a long way toward forming the kind of adults they will become. Who will be answering those questions for your children?

Does this person you are marrying have sexual self-control? Single people sometimes have this idea that marriage is just some kind of lifelong sex festival and that as long as they have each other, they will never be tempted by other people. Wrong! There are many times in every marriage when one partner or the other is sexually unavailable do to illness, the last months of pregnancy, and travel. There are also times when spouses just get on each others' nerves. At times like this, other people can seem very appealing. That can be dangerous, because there are plenty of very attractive people out there who are willing to make them available to married men and women. Do you want someone who has never said "no" to sex? If he is not good at saying "no" at eighteen, it won't be different at forty. Do you want to worry about whether or not your spouse is being faithful?

These are very important questions, and if you are not comfortable with all of the answers, you should definitely not marry this person. Remember, people are not "security blankets". Get to know yourself and know what you want - because if you figure it out later, after you are married with kids, you'll have a whole lot of issues to deal with besides their character, personality, and physical flaws.

None if this is to say that feelings play no role at all in a marriage decision. You don't have to say to yourself, "Well, I suppose that you would make a good spouse and parent, so even though I don't particularly like you I guess I'll marry you". You need to be happy and excited about the prospect of spending your life with someone. Your brain however must acknowledge that this person as a good catch. You'll both will "know" when you both feel lucky and thank God every day for each other.

Don't listen to your heart alone or your head alone. Wait until your heart and head agree.

Last day of the term!

2005-08-27T04:15:00.000+08:00

Today would be my last class in Business Communications. Later, I'm going to take our Final Exam which I haven't studied for. I am hoping thay my stocked knowledge about english grammar would be enough to get me through.

I'm going to miss my morning class in Buscom. I'm going to miss sitting beside Trexyl, not listening and just whispering loudly to each other, me doodling in Trexyl's notebook or writing small messages like, "Hi!" or "Kain tayo." I'm going to miss having saturday lunch with my girlfriends, going to the mall with them, having our manicure and pedicure at CANS or our hair done while talking about our lives, loves, heartaches, heartbreaks, frustrations, dreams and hopes.

Me and Trex fooling around with Trex's K750i during Buscom class

This is my last term in PGDM if I get to pass FINACC and BUSCOM. I have to say that I am glad I was enrolled in PGDM and not in MBA. If not for PGDM, there wouldn't be any Saturday Night Out, I wouldn't be able to meet my NFFs - Trexyl, Marianne and Thea who made studying a little bit easier.

I'm not going to start with my MBA next year. I think I'm going to 'rest' for a term and just concentrate on my work. I want to be more efficient with my job. I hate this feeling of frustration and always worrying about back-logs and other stuff to do. I want to be able to feel the excitement and enthusiasm to work. I want to be able to get up at 6AM and be at the office by 8AM and be able to go home by 5 or 6PM. I'm so frustrated with work right now because I want to do a lot of things but I can't seem to do all of them. Thea said that we spread ourselves so thinly that we miss out on the details. Thea told me just last wednesday that we should aim for reachable goals so we won't get frustrated with work.

Reachable goals? What's that? I want to challenge myself. So I will dream the impossible dream, fight the unbeatable foe and bear the unbearable sorrow. In short, I want to make my life a living hell. Just kidding. =)

---

I went to Rockwell yesterday with my officemates because I was so excited to go to Globe so I can get a new cellphone. They have this on-going promo for postpaid subscribers which lets us pay for the unit for 18 months with 0%. When I got there, I was so disappointed because the unit that I like, Sony Ericsson K750i, costs so much. It was so expensive! God knows how much I need to save. Nagagalit na nga si Red because I want so many things. So I decided that it woud be best if I switch to Smart since our company has a discount on the handsets. Next week, Malou of Smart will give me a call to inform me if I can get the K750i for a discount. I'm already excited!

---

Since I went to Hub in Rockwell, we can't help but visit the Ipod store in front of Hub. I had to drool all over again after seeing the pink iPod Mini and the 40GB iPod. I am torn between the iPod and the pink iPod Mini. According to Jas, the iPod is so worth it. I also want to buy the speakers which are compatible with the iPod so I can listen to my mp3s without putting on the headset or earphones. If I can just get my hands on this Hot Pink iPod which I saw over the internet...

---

It's 4AM and I've been browsing through our Buscom hand-outs. I'm trying to study but I know that it's futile. Anything I read will be forgotten in a few hours.

So friends, wish me luck! I hope I'll pass both FINACC and BUSCOM so by January 2006 I can already start with my MBA.

---

this is our last goodbye
i hate to feel the love between us die
but it's over just hear this and then i'll go
you gave me more to live for more
than you'll ever know

this is our last embrace
must i dream and always see your face
why can't we overcome this wall
well, maybe it's just because i didn't know you at all

kiss me, please kiss me
but kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation
you know it makes me so angry
'cause i know that in time i'll only make you cry,
this is our last goodbye

did you say "no, this can't happen to me,"
and did you rush to the phone to call
was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind
saying maybe you didn't know him at all
you didn't know him at all, oh, you didn't know

well, the bells out in the church tower chime
burning clues into this heart of mine
thinking so hard on her soft eyes
and the memories offer signs that it's over... it's over

-- Last Goodbye, Jeff Buckley from the Vanilla Sky OST

What I Want

2005-08-26T00:38:00.000+08:00

I want lots and lots and lots of things. I want to do lots and lots and lots of stuff. Unfortunately, money is an issue. Hay! Pera. Ang hirap kumita ng pera. But what is money? Paper only. Hindi rin.

So here's a couple of things that I want to buy if I have the extra cash or if someone would be nice enough to buy them for me:

1. Havaianas - these slippers look like your ordinary day-to-day spartan. Unfortunately, these flip-flops are not as cheap as the regular ones which you can buy in the nearest palengke. The cheapest pair would cost you around P600++. Last week, when I accompanied Anna to Rockwell to buy her metallic gold havaianas, I was so tempted to buy the baby pink ones. But I just remembered thatI have almost no money left in my account because I paid for my credit card bills. I know it's NOT WORTH IT but I still want to have a pair of Havaianas. I think I'm already obsessed by it. Like they say, you only covet the things you cannot have.

2. Sony Ericsson K750i - I am actually a Nokia Girl. Nokia is so user-friendly. I can navigate throught the menus and even compose text messages even if I'm still half-asleep. That's why it's hard for me to switch to a different cellphone brand. But the K750i has managed to capture my heart. This is Trexyl's phone and she said she is very happy with it. So I just might get this one. If it's too expensive, I'll settle for the Nokia 3230. Now this is something that I really need. I need to change my cellphone. Masyado ng inaapi ang Nokia ko sa office.

-----
Aside from material things, I am still hoping and wishing for a lot of things. I wish that I will be able to stop procrastinating and to start with our financial analysis and reaction paper for FINACC. I want to take a break from work and go on a vacation with Red and/or with my friends and go somewhere I've never been before like Boracay, Palawan, Hong Kong, China. Or re-visit great places I've been to like Baguio, Cagayan de Oro, Cebu or Davao. I wish I can have the extra money to pay for my US VISA application and hopefully my tourist VISA will be approved so I can visit my brother, my dad, my lolo and my friends in the US.

Oh well. Everything has it's right place and right time. For now, I better to do things that I can do like my financial analysis and reaction paper (which is due today).

Guess what...

2005-08-22T01:08:00.000+08:00

Maan and Red at Gerry's Grill ATC

A picture is worth a thousand words.

I can write a book or sing my life away

2005-08-13T12:20:00.000+08:00

"Maan, you can write a book!"

That was what Kartika used to tell me whenever I would go to her desk, pull a chair to sit beside her and exclaim, "Karts! Guess what! May kwento ako sa'yo."

In my 25 years of living, I cannot say that I have experienced it all. I also cannot say that my experiences are unique and one-of-a-kind. Truthfully, I am a late bloomer and everything I am going through right now has been experienced by almost everyone around me. So what they usually tell me whenever I tell them something new about me is, "Been there, done that." But if I were to quote again Kartika, it would be, "Been there, been that."

Last weekend, I called up Jas to tell her that I've been crying my eyes out for nights on end. Sagot nya, "Hay naku! Ganyan din ako dati. Sa sobrang iyak ko nakabuo na ako ng swimming pool." I can always count on Jas to make my problems seem petty and trivial and to find the humor in it by comparing it to her experiences which during the time she was experiencing them, I deemed petty and trivial.

As of today, I feel so sad that I feel as if I can write a whole book about my sadness and misery. But then again, I am sure that no one will buy that book. Before, when I had the luxury of watching Maalaala Mo Kaya, I would tell Mama, "Ma, padala kaya natin life story natin." Then she would reply, "Naku! Ang corny-corny ng buhay natin. Hindi interesting. Hindi tayo mapipili para sa Maalaala." I guess she's right.

But of course since I am the one with a problem and I am the one who's miserable, I want the whole world to listen to me and be miserable with me. Like they say, misery loves company.

Yan na naman ako. Being selfish and self-centered.

I remember Trexyl singing in the cab, on our way back to the office from our lunch at Gerry's Grill, "Walang sino man ang nabubuhay para sa sarili lamang. Walang sino man ang namamatay para sa sarili lamang."

We laughed about it. Even the cab driver was laughing. But deep down I was hurting because I know it's true. I have been selfish. I have been unkind. I have been self-centered. Pero tao lamang ako. Nagkakamali, natutukso, nagkakasala.

So Trexyl sings again, "Dibaaaaa.... ako'y tao lang na nadadarang at natutukso rin...." Hiram by Zsa Zsa Padilla? How appropriate.

In class, I cannot help but ask for advice from my close friend, Joe. Joe, the guy who was two-timed by his girlfriend of 3 years. He caught his girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend, cozying up to another guy when he visited her in UST to surprise her for their 3rd anniversary. Yes. I asked for advice from this guy because I wanted brutal honesty and the bitter truth.

"Joe! Joe! Bakit ganun? Kasalanan ko. Nagsisisi ako. Anung gagawin ko?"

Then a classmate exclaimed from the background, "Dear Joe... Maan, love problem ba yan? Tamang-tama. Tanung mo kay Joe." Joe D Mango? Hindi rin.

Joe had his laptop. While typing something, he told me, "Give it time, Maan. Nasaktan mo sya. If the two of you are meant to be, then it will happen. If not, then it won't. Only time can tell. So here is my song for you..."

Sabay play ng mp3 ng Tell Me Where It Hurts by MYMP.

"I'm sorry pero ayoko ang song na yan. I think the more applicable song would be..."

Then I started singing, while using my bottle of Coke Light as a microphone, "Kung liligaya kaaaa..... sa piling ng iba....... at kung ang langit moooooooo.... ay ang pag-ibig nya....."

Yes, I am a horrible, horrible singer. I believe I am tone deaf. I love music but it does not love me. While in the middle of my horrible singing, Thea (who is supposed to be a good friend of mine) commented on my singing, "Naku. Hindi pa lasing yan. Hintayin natin pag nalasing."

----
Sa totoo lang, walang halong biro, nalulungkot ako ngayon. But I just have to find the humor in my daily life inspite of the sadness and the misery. If I don't, I just might go crazy.

I recently talked to a friend and told him about my dilemma.

He told me, "If you love him then fight for it."

How ironic because I was the one who used to tell him that. To fight for it if he thinks she's worth the fight.

But would you still continue fighting in a losing battle?

Sayang

2005-08-12T23:10:00.000+08:00

Tulay ng salitang di matawid.
Panghihinayang sa di mapahiwatig.

Kung lilisan ka na, sinong papalit sa iyo?
Sayang, sayang, sayang

Pag-isipan muna, baka mapag-usapan.
Sabi mo nga dumarating lang ‘to minsan

Ngayon umaayaw ka na…

Kung lilipas ka na, sinong papalit sa iyo?
Sayang, sayang, sayang

Hangang bukas na lang,
Hangang bukas na lang… ang langit.

Kung lilisan ka na, sinong papalit sa iyo?
Sayang, sayang, sayang

Wag lang itapon limang taong samahan.
Gagawin ang lahat, mapabalik ka lang.

--- Sayang, Stonefree

You've Got Mail

2005-08-10T00:14:00.000+08:00

I'm so sad. To the point that I feel like not doing anything and doing everything all at the same time. Right now, I am watching You've Got Mail. I just love this movie and I hope that after watching it for the nth time, it would make me a little bit happier and a little less sad.

I love everything about the movie and I mean EVERYTHING. The plot. The characters. The lines. The soundtrack. I can watch this movie over and over again and not get tired of it. If I can only have a copy of the script and have the time to memorize all the lines, I would.

Some of my favorite lines from the movies which I am just waiting to use in real life, or maybe not. Some of these lines just make me cry:

Kathleen: What will NY152 say today I wonder. I turn on my computer. I wait impatiently as it connects. I go online, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You've got mail. I hear nothing. Not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beating of my own heart. I have mail. From you.

Frank: What about you, is there someone else?
Kathleen: No. No, but, but there's the dream of someone else.

Kathleen: So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when should it be the other way around?

Joe Fox: You know, sometimes I wonder...
Kathleen Kelly: What?
Joe Fox: Well... if i hadn't been "Fox Books" and you hadn't been "The Shop Around the Corner," and you and I had just met...
Kathleen Kelly: I know.
Joe Fox: Yeah, yeah. I would've asked for your number. And I wouldn't have been able to wait 24 hours before calling you up and saying, Hey, how about... oh, how about some coffee, or drinks, or dinner, or a movie... for as long as we both shall live?

Joe Fox:You can forgive this guy for standing you up, but you can't forgive me for this little thing... of putting you out of business?

Joe Fox: Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me wanna buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address. On the other hand, this not knowing has its charms.

Joe Fox: Don't cry, Shopgirl. Don't cry.
Kathleen Kelly: I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly.

Kathleen: It's coming on Christmas. They're cutting down trees. Do you know that Joni Mitchell song? I wish I had a river I can skate away on. Such a sad song. And not really about Christmas at all but I was thinking about it tonight as I was decorating my Christmas tree. Unwrapping funky ornaments made of popsicle sticks and missing my mother so much I almost couldn't breathe. I always miss my mother at Christmas but somehow it is worst this year since I need some advice from her. I need her to make me some cocoa and tell me that everything that is going badly in my life will sort itself out.

A day with friends

2005-08-07T19:50:00.000+08:00

My whole saturday was spent hanging out with my classmates.

For the first time in Buscom Class history, I was able to come in class on time. Even Chandra, our Indonesian classmate was surprised that he told me when I got in, "Maan, for the first time!"

It was a fun class because there were no lectures. We just watched our classmates do their speech then we graded them based on our presentation. A lot of them were quite good so now I am pressured to do a really good presentation. Sana di ako mautal, wrong grammar or wrong pronunciation.

After our class, our class had lunch at this Chinese resto in Rob Place with our professor. Since Trexyl's already using her new Ericsson cellphone with a built-in camera, we had a great time taking pictures while waiting for the food which took about 10 years to come. Sa sobrang gutom namin, Trex, Joe and I were already eating our rice without any ulam. Actually, inulam nalang namin yung toyo w/ calamansi and chilli sauce na ginawa ni Trexyl.

After lunch, we did a little window shopping and I ended up buying the bronze beads at Body Shop which was discounted at 50%. I wasn't planning on buying anything but I got pressured by the sales girl. So I promise myself that next time, di na ako magpapadala sa sales talk. Buti nalang di ako bumili nung Olive Oil Body Mist.

We then headed to Makati to go to Trexyl's condo since Trex and her group mates in Manpri will be discussing their case. I, on the other hand, had a fully body massage in Trex's condo while they were discussing. It felt so good!

After my massage, dumating si Anton. He was my classmate from my past terms. He's part of Trex's group for Manpri. Anton and I are not really close but we joke around in class. What can I do? I'm a friendly person. So it actually was a nice surprise for me to get to know Anton last saturday and it was also nice talking to him. He gave me a lot of insights.

Anton: Maan, long time, no see.
Maan: Anton! Mukha nga. Ang haba na ng hair mo. Di ka na skin head.
Anton: Oo nga eh. Tagal na nga.
Maan: Balita ko engaged ka na. Congrats!
Anton: Oo. Ikakasal na ako. Pakasal ka na rin.
Maan: Oo ba! Kung gusto mo pa mauna pa ako sayo eh.
Anton: Sabi mo yan ah.

And that's how our conversation started.

Anton, congratulations. I know that you and your fiancee will be very happy with each other. Thanks for the talk. I've learned a lot from you.

At around 9PM, they decided to wrap things up and call it night. Glenn came over and invited us to go to East 19 which is in Sucat to watch this band named Krishna. So Glenn, Trex, Allan and I went. Since south naman yun, I cannot say no. Also, libre ni Glenn ang entrance and libre ni Allan ang food. Buti nalang because P20 nalang ang laman ng wallet ko.

At 12MN, I told them that I need to go home. I slept for about 3 hours only the night before and I already wanted to rest my mind and my body.

I got home before 1AM and went straight to bed.

NOTHING FEELS QUITE LIKE A BROKEN HEART

2005-08-01T23:52:00.000+08:00

A broken heart is the single greatest pain you will ever have to endure, in fact, the most hurt you can ever imagine: and the one who commits this emotional crime is not someone you hate; it is not een someone you dislike. No, because the only person who is capable of breaking your heart is the one who holds it precariously in their hands, the one with whom you have shared your dreams, your secrets, your fears - the one you love more than anybody else in the world... and therein lies the irony.

However, that is the chance you take. Love is all about risk. If you give your heart to someone else - as most of us do at one time or another - it is theirs to do with as they wish. You now have absolutely no control over it, and whether it remains intact is up to them.

Heartbreak is an odd kind of pain, because you are not dying. You are not even sick. For all intents and purposes you are perfectly fine, yet inside - where your heart used to be - you hurt so much that you can't breathe, you can't sleep, and you can't stop the tears from falling. You may eat too much; you may not eat at all. Non-smokers light up; non-drinkers find a bar.
A broken heart is the world's great equalizer,because it can bring even the strongest man to
his knees.

It happens to the best of us, they say. Time heals everything, they say. What doesn't kill us can only make us stronger, they say. And my personal favorite - it is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. Yeah, right. BULLSHIT, I say.

You will listen to any advice you are given - take a walk, take a holiday, join a gym, get a haircut - because everybody over the age of consent thinks they have an Honors Degree in Heartache. Too much TV!!!

At the end of it all though you won't actually take any of this armchair psychology seriously, because you are STUBBORN, and because nobody else knows what the hell you are going through anyway. I mean, how could they?

It's your heart that lies bleeding on the floor next to you, not theirs. It's your tears. It's your pain for God's sake!

It's easy to spot someone who has just had their heart broken. You'll see them out walking
aimlessly, like extras from a zombie flick, muttering to themselves in a language only they
understand. Every now and then one of them is run down by a passing truck or bus. Man,

LOVE REALLY IS BLIND! Not that it really matters anyway. It's survival of the fittest. Nothing personal.

How long does it take to get over a broken heart? It's simple really. NEVER. There is no glue to mend that kind of thing; no bandage, no quick fix. All you can do is bend down, pick up the pieces, and hope you have enough there to find a little happiness once the tears have dried on your cheeks. Sure, you move on, you go out with other people, you smile, you laugh, you love again, you get married, you have two-point-four children, you collect your pension, YOU DIE.
You may very well have a good life, a great life even - but that break is ALWAYS there.

There may be days, weeks - months even - when it doesn't cross your mind at all, but don't go fooling yourself into thinking the pain has gone.You have it tucked away along with all your best kept secrets. You will be on your deathbed and through the haze of your memory the only thing you will know for sure is what happened to your heart all those years ago.

Very few people go through life unscathed - only the LUCKY ONES amongst us. Love is a bumpy ride. Most of us have to endure a few scratches and scrapes along the way, a couple of bruises, a fracture or two, and then that final rite of passage into adulthood - the broken heart. Pat yourself on the back; you are now in the club. You never wanted to sign up, I'm sure, but you're here for life. 'Til death us do part, baby.

Get over it!

---

Earlier this morning, I was able to chat with my bestfriend who is happily married and living in the US. She said she couldn't sleep so she asked me of we can chat for a while. Kung kelan ka nga naman maraming ginagawa, dun maraming gustong makipag-chat sayo. Then she told me the reason why she thinks she can't sleep.

Her little sister and the husband has gone to Splitsville. After about 6 months of marital bliss, the guy called it quits. The guy said that he fell out of love. Of course her little sister, who is also a good friend of mine, tried to work things out. Even though the guy moved out of their place, she still stayed hoping that they can fix things and make their marriage work. But she found out that the guy has been cheating on her. That made her give up on their marriage. She packed all her things, left with their son and went back to her mom's place.

I sympathize with her. Ang sakit ng iwanan ka ng taong mahal mo at ipagpalit sa iba. But that's the reality of things. People fall in love and hope and pray that it will be like that forever and ever. But shit happens. People fall out of love. If only we can control our hearts to fall in and out of love whenever we please. But that's not how life goes.

I told my bestfriend that I would love to react violently. To get angry at the guy. But I can't. Because even if I know that the guy has been selfish by turning his back on his family and choosing "the other woman" or maybe just choosing to be single again, somehow I still empathize with the guy. Does he have to stay in a loveless marriage? If the feeling is gone, should he suffer and in the long run make his wife suffer also? Should they continue living together as one happy family when the reality of things is that one or the other is not anymore in love? If you were the girl, will you be the martyr and choose to stay married even though you know that your husband has already fallen out of love?

A lot of couples stay in a relationship even after the love has gone. One of the major factors is that they want to be able to give their child or children a happy home, a complete family. But isn't it a bit hypocritical to stay in a marriage even though there's no more love and just bitterness and fighting? Wouldn't that do more damage to all parties involved rather than just going your separate ways but still being good parents to your kids. You may not be a good husband or wife, but that does not mean you cannot be an extraordinary parent to your kids.

I know that the sister of my bestfriend is hurting so much right now. I know that she is praying night and day. Praying for what specifically, I don't know. Maybe she is praying to God to help her get through this. To help her let go of her husband and forget about him and be able to move on. Maybe she is praying for strength to be able to raise their son by herself. Maybe she is not praying for their marriage to work, or maybe she still is. Maybe she is not praying for the guy to fall in love with her again. Maybe she is praying that she may fall out of love for the guy.

But in fairness to the both of them, I believe that they got married because they love one another and they believed that they will be together forever. I believe that the guy loved my friend so much. That he never meant to hurt her. He never meant to fall out of love. Nobody wants to fall out love. But like I said, things like falling out of love happens.

When things like this happen, look at the bright side. Like they say, every gray cloud has a silver lining. Kung hindi mo sya nakilala, kung hindi mo sya minahal, hindi nyo rin mabubuo ang isang batang mahal na mahal nyo.

The Good Stuff

2005-08-01T00:46:00.000+08:00

Fickle-minded: Should I get the yellow beads? The blue ones, the red or the green?

In Glorietta, window-shopping but buying nothing

I ran into a couple of bad luck these past three days, but I will not blog about them because they are ought to be forgotten and not remembered.

So I would rather blog about the good things that happened to me these past few days.

Last friday was Glenn's birthday as well as the start of Ayala's Midnight Madness. Good thing that Glenn's birthday bash was moved from 7 to 8:30 PM so I was still able to do a little window shopping and hang out at Starbucks Glorietta with Leny, Leng and Aga. I didn't order because I was looking forward to Glenn's dinner treat so the four of us just talked about senseless and funny stuff and I guess we consciously avoided talking about the serious things in our lives. For once, I just wanted to chill and forget about my worries and problems. Around 9PM, I headed to Greenbelt to meet up with Glenn and my other classmates.

For more details, on how we celebrated Glenn's birthday, please visit Saturday Night Out. I'll blog about it this week when I have the time. But let me just mention the two highlights of the night:

1. Don and I are friends again. Quoting from Don's text to Thea, "It is nice to reconcile with a good friend."
2. Glenn unloaded a heavy load and finally told us his secret.

Saturday, Thea and I decided to go to Bench Fix Salon to do something about our lifeless and boring hair. We both decided to have our hair cellophaned while Sarah just accompanied us. Thea picked chocolate brown as her color and Amy - the gay stylist - picked out this really light brown color for my hair. At first I really freaked out. I told him, "Amy, ayoko maging anak araw ang buhok ko ah. Baka akalain ng tao batang kalye ako dahil sa buhok ko." But since he was the stylist, I trustes his decision. So this girl started to put this white goo on my hair and then wrapped it in cellophane. Maybe that's why they call it cellophane. It stayed there for about 30 minutes then she rinsed it off. At first, I can't see the color of my hair because it was wrapped in a towel. Sarah and I were in suspense. I told Sarah that I will definitely cry if my hair turns out to be a shocking shade of light brown. Then viola! The towel was removed and the color of my hair is... STILL BLACK!

Oh well. Virgin hair. What else can they do? So I told Amy to just trim my hair and style it a little by putting layers on the side. I always love this style but I cannot seem to re-create it by myself. So tomorrow, I bet tikwas na naman buhok ko.

After Bench Fix, we went to Starbucks for merienda because we didn't eat lunch then started to window shop. My goal was actually to buy a pair or two of new shoes and maybe a bag. I ended up buying this white cardigan.

Unfortunately, we cannot conquer Glorietta and Landmark in a day. After about 3 hours of walking, our feet got tired and my back was already hurting. Thea decided to go home already while Sarah and I had dinner in Italianni's. I have to say that this was a very expensive saturday! I don't want to see my credit card anymore.

Sunday was the birthday party of Reese Wynnes Magnayon. I had to go because I am one of the Ninangs and I was already absent during the baptism so I really had to go to this event. I had lunch at home with Mama and watched 'Ray' on DVD. After the DVD, I got ready for the party. I fetched Leny then we went to Manila to Rein's place. Other Fleet people present were Jackie, Lynch and Darwin. It was a pleasant party. We had a great time eating the hotdogs with masrshmallows on a stick (which is my fave) and participating in the Bring Me game which won me a set of colored pencils with a sharpener. Of course, we also left with a goody bag. It feels nice to attend a kiddie party. It made me feel young again.

Aquarius Woman

2005-07-28T23:14:00.000+08:00

If you are in love with a woman in this zodiac be prepared to be very happy or be very sorry. She is a very busy person with her own matters similar to a guy in this zodiac.
She is able to live by herself without any guy in her life, a very strong person indeed.
Not because she does not have a dream guy, but if she can not find such person, so what. Because she thinks she could do anything that a man can do.
She is a leader , a real confident type.
She likes to do things by herself, such as serving herself, opening the door herself.
Because she thinks waiting for a helping hand is a waste of time, and she is not patient enough to wait around for that.
If she starts to ask you out, do not think she's starting to flirt with you, but because she thinks it is a waste of time to wait for you to be the one to ask.
She like to guess her man's reaction, but at the same time she likes to have many men wanting her.
She is a daring type who could just do things differently from other people in her same society. She dares to fight for what she thinks belonged to her.
Even if she acts confident, she mostly feels lonely and alone.
If she breaks up with someone , she won't show any emotion even deep down inside pain and agony.
Not for long she will come back to be the cheery and merry person again, because she looks at the world positively and has "Faith" in the word "Love".
She has more men friends than women friends, so do not be a jealous type if you date her.
She could be slightly jealous, but she hates jealous guys.
She loves "Freedom" so before and after marriage , her freedom has to be the same.
She likes you to trust her, even if she does not trust you anyhow.
She likes to be the one who is "Right", so if you argue with her , let her win if it is not a big deal for you in that subject.
She is the straight forward type, so if she does not love you anymore, she will just tell you straight to your face.
Her love and relationship are always real, so if she say's "It's over", be prepare to leave because she is not testing you.
She is not the vulnerable type, so youdo not have to worry about her, she will survive by herself. If she is with you when you get sick, she will certainly take care and look after you.
Do not keep secrets from her, she hates it and can really piss her badly.
When she is sad , be understanding.
When she is happy, be happy with her, she likes that.
You will not get bore with this type of girl.
Someone who is close to her will know that deep down beneath that confident and cold-hearted person, she is just as fragile as any woman.
She is a fun and talkative person and she likes to tease you.
Do not let her talk alone, if you do she will leave.
She has many types of jobs because she believes what a man can do, she can do.
If you want her to work for you, forget it.
When she is in love, she will just leave her job in the day time just to come to see you, but not for long she will go back to work seriously again.
Prepare to live and love with a "Working Woman" then you will be OK.
If she's mad, find a shelter for the "Hurricane" is here!
Her bad temper will last very shortly though.
She is not the revenge type and will not think of "pay back" time.
Most people might think of her as "One of the guys", but in fact she is a 100% woman.
She is easily hurt, so be nice to her.
If she really loves you, then you are lucky because she is honest and truthful and will never bore you.
Understand that sometimes she will be over confident and sometimes like to have power or act bossy.

---
I got this from a forwarded e-mail. I forgot who sent it. So my apologies if there are grammatical errors. Nag-edit na ako ng iba dyan.

Is this a good description of my personality or is this a good description of my personality? Sapul na sapul yung description!

Other Aquarius People: Mama, Lynch, and Rose May

Hhmm... Ang layo naman ng ugali ko sa kanila ah.

I'm not a CPA, I'm an engineer

2005-07-28T23:02:00.000+08:00

I hate accounting. Really. Yes, it involves numbers just like major engineering courses but it's just different. There's too many rule, too many things to remember.

This is my last term in PGDM and my subjects are Business Communications and Financial Accounting. Honestly, I dread accounting. Even during college, I already had a hard time with the balance sheets and the income statements. I am so scared of accounting that I cannot dare to be absent in class. But that's all the effort that I do for this course.

My books are only opened once a week - during class. I have never studied for a quiz or an exam. In fact, I believe I failed that 2 quizzes that we had. I usually space out during lectures that Thea has to whisper, "Maan, listen!" Then I would answer, "Huh? Galing mo ah. Alam mo na di ako nakikinig." In clas, I space out for 30 minutes or so and try to listen for the next hour and then when the professor pauses even for a split second, I say in a loud voice, "Break, break!" Then we would go for a 30-minute break. Then I start listening for the remaining hour.

This has been the pattern for each and every accounting class. Thus it was a BIG SURPRISE when our Midterm Exams were given to us and I GOT THE HIGHEST GRADE!

I got 76/85! 9 mistakes! Truthfully, I wanted to talk to our professor about my exam because I think that there were portions which I should have gotten a perfect score. But what the heck! I also have to say that the other person who got a 76 is my good friends, Sarah, who is a CPA! Woohoo!!! The great thing about it is that I DIDN'T STUDY AT ALL!!!

Oh well. There's still half of the term. I think our group needs to do one more reporting. There are still a handful of quizzes which I need to pass and there's also the Final Exam. I am hoping that this is not just luck.

For all the boys I've loved before

2005-07-26T00:48:00.000+08:00

I seldom listen to Papa, but he told me something that really hit me. He said, "Don't be a fool in love."

I remember the boy and I still remember the feelings. But one of these days, I will be able to forget.

----

There was a time when I thought life was over and out
When you went away from me
My dying heart made it hard to breathe
Would sit in my room
Because I didn't want to go out and see you walking by
One look and I'd break down and cry

Now you say that you made a big mistake
Never meant to take your love away
But you can save your tired apologies
Cause it may seem hard to belive but

I'm doin just fine
Getting along every well without you in my life
I don't need you in my life
I'm doin just fine
Time made me stronger you're no longer on my mind

You were my earth
My number one priority
I gave my love to only you
Anything you'd ask of me I would do
But somewhere down the road
You felt a change in the weather
and told me that you had to journey on
a kiss in the wind and your love was gone

Now you say you never meant to play your games
Boy you don't know
It's far too late
Because you let our love just fall apart
You no longer have my heart

When you said goodbye I felt so all alone
There were times at night I couldn't sleep
My heart was much too weak to make it on my own
Baby after all the misery and pain you put me through
So unfair to me boy
You're no longer my world and I ain't missin' you at all

See baby when you walked away
You didn't think it would end up this way
but I knew you'd come around someday
Just as sure as my name is Wanya

--- Doin' Just Fine, Boyz II Men

Playing Psychiatrist

2005-07-25T17:06:00.000+08:00

I love diagnosing my symptoms. One time when I was in college, I went to the school clinic to talk to the doctor to tell him that I am experiencing allergic reactions and that he should prescribe me something for it. He told me, "So where did you study medicine?" Ass!

Anyway, back to the topic...

Have you ever heard of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or ADHD?

I think I have a mild version of it.

Below is an overview of ADHD:

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a condition that becomes apparent in some children in the preschool and early school years. It is hard for these children to control their behavior and/or pay attention. It is estimated that between 3 and 5 percent of children have ADHD, or approximately 2 million children in the United States. This means that in a classroom of 25 to 30 children, it is likely that at least one will have ADHD.

In fairness, never naman ako ganito. It wasn't hard for me to control my behavior. I think I was a pretty disciplined student. Yes, I had my share of punishments from teachers for being too noisy but it was just normal for a 6-year-old kid.

A child with ADHD faces a difficult but not insurmountable task ahead. In order to achieve his or her full potential, he or she should receive help, guidance, and understanding from parents, guidance counselors, and the public education system.

So kagabi sabi ko kay Mama, "Ma, may ADHD ako. Nabasa ko sa internet. Kelangan daw ng support and understanding from the parents. Understanding daw. You have to understand me." At ang sagot ng aking supportive Mama, "Tumigil ka nga! Naghanap ka na naman ng palusot para sa katigasan ng ulo mo at katamaran." Very supportive!

Now, let's look at the Symptoms:

The principal characteristics of ADHD are inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.

Hyperactive children always seem to be "on the go" or constantly in motion.
They dash around touching or playing with whatever is in sight, or talk incessantly.
Sitting still at dinner or during a school lesson or story can be a difficult task.
They squirm and fidget in their seats or roam around the room.
Or they may wiggle their feet, touch everything, or noisily tap their pencil.
Hyperactive teenagers or adults may feel internally restless.
They often report needing to stay busy and may try to do several things at once.

Impulsive children seem unable to curb their immediate reactions or think before they act. They will often blurt out inappropriate comments, display their emotions without restraint, and act without regard for the later consequences of their conduct.
Their impulsivity may make it hard for them to wait for things they want or to take their turn in games.
They may grab a toy from another child or hit when they're upset.
Even as teenagers or adults, they may impulsively choose to do things that have an immediate but small payoff rather than engage in activities that may take more effort yet provide much greater but delayed rewards.

Some signs of hyperactivity-impulsivity are:

Feeling restless, often fidgeting with hands or feet, or squirming while seated
Running, climbing, or leaving a seat in situations where sitting or quiet behavior is expected
Blurting out answers before hearing the whole question
Having difficulty waiting in line or taking turns.

I am guilty as charged of the above symptoms. Sabi nga ni Glenn sa akin, "Maan, di ka ba napapagod? Kanina ka pa nagsasalita? Lahat na yata ng tanong natanong mo na sa akin. Wag kang iinom ng tubig ah. Baka mapaos ka."

Seriously, I have no idea if I have ADHD. I'm pretty sure I don't have it. OA lang talaga ako. Or maybe I do have a mild case of ADHD. While reading the symptoms of ADHD, I can't help but tell myself, "Pucha! Ako nga ito ah!"

---

Hay! It's a holiday and I'm stuck here at home. I have a gazillion things to do but I don't want to do any of them. I actually don't know what to do but I know what I want. I want all my tasks to disappear all by itself which I know is impossible.

I think I better log off and start writing my article about our new Bacolod Dealer so I can scratch off that one in my To-Do List.

---

So what do you think? May ADHD ba ako?

Laking Mcdo

2005-07-23T02:26:00.000+08:00

1996: Me and Maita at Mcdonald's DLSU Taft sharing a caramal sundae

Mcdonald's has been a part of my life. I remember my Mama bringing me and my brother to Mcdonald's in Harrisson Plaza during the weekends. It was such a treat! Going to Mcdonald's was a special event for me when I was a kid.

I grew up eating Mcdonald's. It's a good thing I did not turn out to be an obese kid. When I was in college and Mama decided not to get a replacement for our maid who left for the province, she would usually leave us lunch money during the weekends so we can just buy our lunch in Mcdonald's. I would be the one to go to Mcdonald's BF Homes to buy the chicken and spaghetti meal for me and my brother. This would be our lunch almost every saturday and I felt like such a lucky kid! Mcdonald's for lunch!

I also ate at Mcdonald's during my 5 years in college due to a number of reasons. Mcdonald's is near DLSU, the food is tasty and cheap. As early as 7PM, as soon as the store opened, I would hang out in Mcdo with Jas and her classmates/barkada. We would order one large fries which will be shared by the whole group - para lang maka-tambay kami sa Mcdo ng 'di pinapaalis.

Lunch time, Mcdonald's na naman. While waiting for our sundo, we would wait in Mcdo. Whenever my classmates would ask me to write their reaction paper or help them out with their speech, they would repay me by buying me a cheeseburger meal.

Now that I am already working, I still love Mcdonald's. I love the cheeseburger, Big Mac, the Chicken and especially the fries. The fries - I can dip this into gravy, mayonaisse, bbq sauce or sundae. One time when I went out with Jas and Bless (both Kulasas and Lasalistas) and one of their girl friends, we went to Mcdonald's in Greenhills to grab a bite after watching Nyoy Volante. I instantly ordered for a Cheeseburger Meal and gravy. I started dipping my fries into my gravy when Jas' friend reacted, "Fries with gravy? Diba weird?" And I replied, "Huh? Anung weird? Fries go with gravy. How can you eat fries without gravy?" Then Bless replied, "Maan, hindi sya La Salle. Hindi nya alam yan."

Yesterday, 22 July 2005, I invited Maita to have dinner with me. I told her that I would fetch her then we could go out for coffee since I wasn't hungry. She said that she had to bring Zachary, her son, along with us because she didn't have a yaya. Of course at first I didn't want Zach to go with us because Maita's attention would be divided between me and Zach. Umiral na naman ang pagka-possessive and selosa ko. But since we can't do anything about it, I had to concede. We ended up having dinner in Mcdonald's Greenbelt.

I am already working and earning my own money. I can eat in Italianni's, CPK, Friday's or any other resto in Greenbelt but I ended up having dinner on a friday night in Mcdonald's. It wasn't such as bad thing. I enjoyed the company of Maita and Zach. Maita even said, "When we were college kids, we ate at Mcdo. Now that I have a kid, we are still eating at Mcdo." I guess we've come full circle.

When I was young, I wanted so much to have a party at Mcdonald's. But it never happened. So if and when I get married and have kids of my own, I'm sure that I'll be bringing them to Mcdonald's also. Truth is, I'm already planning that the birthday party of my kid when s/he turns 3 years old will be celebrated at Mcdonald's.

Bed Weather Week

2005-07-21T07:57:00.000+08:00

Since monday, the weather has been very conducive to sleeping and just staying home. I hope that the weather would be like this until Sunday. Hassle nga lang ang ulan.

Yesterday, Mama borrowed my car so I took the public transportation to and from work. The good thing about taking public transportation, aside from not driving, is that I am able to sleep during the commute. Ang sarap! I slept on my way to the office and I slept on my way home. Since I didn't have a car, I decided to leave early - 7 PM. I got home at around 9PM and automatically got the remote. I was surprised that I have missed a lot of prime time TV. I started channel surfing then stopped at AXN to watch CSI.

In the middle of watching CSI, the inevitable commercials came. So I surfed for a while. Of course Mama was there and she had something to say about it...

Mama: Ano ba talaga ang pinapanuod mo?
Maan: CSI.
Mama: Eh bat lipat ka ng lipat?
Maan: Eh kasi commercial pa. Ayoko ng commercial.
Mama: Akin na nga yang remote. Ako ang nanunuod eh.
Maan: Ha? Anung ikaw? Lumabas ka na ng kwarto at bumaba ka. Hindi mo ba alam yung TV RULE?
Mama: Ano?
Maan: The TV Rule. It states that if you leave the TV unattended for more than 30 minutes, you also waive your rights to the TV. So since ang tagal mong nawala, ako na ang nanunuod. Tanong mo pa kay Michael. Gusto mo tawagan natin sya?
Mama: Wala akong pakialam dyan sa TV rule nyo. Sa inyo lang yan applicable.
Maan: Ano! Hindi kaya. Ilipat na nga natin sa AXN. CSI na eh!

Paging my kapatid! Pwedeng paki-orient si Mama about the TV rule. Honestly, dapat nga sa akin hindi applicable ang TV rule na yan because I am paying for the TV, for the Dream Satellite and for the electricity bills. Hhmmm....

Anyway, after watching CSI, I was able to catch Blue Crush on HBO so I decided to watch it. The movie made me want to diet and exercise and go to the beach wearing a skimpy bikini. Oh well.
Then I got tired of it and decided to log into the internet.

Unfortunately, my PC won't work! Bad trip! I had to call Red and ask for his advice on what to do since my monitor is not responding at all. I took out the RAM card and the video card and placed it back again into the motherboard but it didn't solve the problem. So now I brought my PC again and I might just bring it to PC Express today.

Today is thursday which means it's my coding day. I woke up at exactly 5:40 AM which is already late. I was out the door by 6AM. The roads were already congested. I had to pray real hard that I make it to the office and not get caught by the MMDA or any Traffic Law Enforcer.

I made it and I got here at 7:30 AM. I called up Leny to ask where she is and invite her for coffee. While waiting for her, I decided to blog.

Anyway, I have to end this and start with my work.

We can be heroes, just for one day

2005-07-19T23:53:00.000+08:00

Identities of Super Heroes Finally Revealed!

Batman ... Jamming Jam
Robin ... Gavin the Great
Superman ... Ravishing Red
Wonder Woman ... Marvelous Maan

Guess the secret identity of Batman and Hawk Girl!

Am I living it right?

2005-07-19T23:26:00.000+08:00

What is my typical day?

I would usually wake up at around 7AM. Truthfully, I should be waking up earlier than 7AM. I should be out of the house by 7AM so I can be at the office before 9AM. But my internet addiction gets the best of me so I stay up late until 1AM so waking up at 6AM is definitely a challenge.

It takes me about 30 minutes to get ready for work. An additional 15 minutes if I cannot decide what to wear. By the time I get into my car to drive to work, the traffic is already terrible. As much as I want to speed up to 100 - 110 kph, the traffic won't allow me. So I have to settle on driving on a stop-and-go pace which eats up most of my gas while I listen to Chico and Delamar and their Top 10. The moment I hear their last batch on the radio, I know I am already late for work again.

They say that the early bird catches the worm. But could it be that the late bird catches the early worm?

I am sorry but I am just not a morning person. Heaven for me would be waking up at around 6AM (if I have the strength to open my eyes and move) and eat breakfast which would consist of hot pandesal and hot chocolate. Then after eating, I would go back to bed to sleep until 10AM then wake up again to read a book or watch the TV without getting out of bed. Then at around noon, I will have my lunch then my day will begin.

Unfortunately, I do not have that luxury.

Going back to what my typical day would be...

By the time I get to the office at around 9 - 9:30 AM, a certain officemate of mine would berate me for being late. But I really don't care. I may arrive at around 9AM but I stay in the office until 9PM. Before I sit down to start my work, I need to get coffee. Coffee is my gasoline. I cannot work without coffee. So I work, rather, try to work. I try to do everything I can do before lunch time which is usually starts at around 11:30 AM.

The length of my lunch break would depend on who I am with and where I would eat. If I have lunch in the canteen, lunch is 30 minutes. If I eat out with my officemates, it would be 2 - 3 hours. If I eat out with Trexyl, it would be an hour.

Given that I would eat out with my officemates, I will be back in the office by 2PM and back to work again. I usually stay in the office until 9PM because I can work more efficiently when no one is around and everything's quiet. Just me, my PC, and my mp3s. At around 8:50 PM, I would start to pack up and get ready to go home. The thought of going home while the sun is still shining is totally foreign to me already. I haven't gone home that early for more than 6 months.

Around 9PM, I am already driving home. I get home at around 10PM. Just in time to freshen up and watch Oprah and do some bonding with Mama. I then log into the internet to check and update my blog, check my e-mail, check out other stuff, read my e-mails and download mp3s while chatting with friends and relatives. That is what I am doing right now.

At the end of the day, I am drained as hell. I cannot wait to take a vacation. To go someplace I haven't been before. To do something for the first time.

When will this much awaited dream vacation be a reality? I don't even have the time and the money to get a VISA application form.

Someone help me!

----

am driving up 85 in the
Kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
just stuck inside the gloom
4 more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
And leave it all behind

Cause I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?

I rent a room and I fill the spaces with
Wood in places to make it feel like home
But all I feel's alone
It might be a quarter life crisis
Or just the stirring in my soul

Either way I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?

So what, so I've got a smile on
But it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
Don't believe me
When I say I've got it down

Everybody is just a stranger but
That's the danger in going my own way
I guess it's the price I have to pay
Still "everything happens for a reason"
Is no reason not to ask myself

If I am living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?

---Why Georgia, John Mayer

Bittersweet things...

2005-07-17T23:12:00.000+08:00

Words from ~carl (maker of 99 Secrets), image from PostSecret:

I miss you so much that sometimes it
just makes me stop, on the inside.
And die just a little bit more for you.

There's no great novel in me.
Just a life I can neither live nor regret.

"And you know the things we do
mean more to me than you..."

I hold you close,
your eyes moist with lies.

Planarity and Excel Quizzes on TV commercials

2005-07-17T22:25:00.000+08:00

If you're a nerd like me and you love a challenge, check out this site: PLANARITY

I'm currently trying to figure out Level 5. Tell me your level.

For the not-too-nerdy, download this excel quiz to know how much you know about TV commercials. To download, right click on link and choose Save Target As... BREAKTIME TEST

*My apologies. Just found out that Tripod does not allow File Downloading thus the excel file cannot be download. I'm looking for a site which can host all my excel quizzes...

Speaking of TV Commercials, I remember the time when Cable TV was unheard of. The only channels available was 2, 4, 7, 9, & 13. During the summers, my brother would wake up at around 6AM and will immediately turn on the TV. Why do I know that it's 6AM? Because he would be watching "Name That Tune" on Channel 9 and I would see the time on the screen. We would usually fight about it as usual. I would scream at him to turn down the volume because I still want to sleep and I cannot sleep if it isn't totally quiet.

But then I will also get hooked with the show and start watching it also. This would go on for the whole summer which is 2 months of "Name That Tune" in the early mornings. Most of the time the shows will be replayed and my brother and I would already know the answer. Until today, I have no idea how the contestants can name a tune in one note only.

One of the things I cannot stand is TV commercials. I hate them. If I see it once, I don't want to see it again. But of course there are some exceptions...

Anyway, since I hate them so much but there's nothing I can do about it because the average commercial breaks is 5-6 minutes, which means 10-12 30-second commercials, my brother and I would play a guessing game - the Guess-the-commercial Game. I was never good in memorizing and memory retention so I usually lose in this game. This is one of the things where my brother can beat me. He can guess a commercial as soon as it pops into the TV screen.

Since we're already talking about TV commercials, I have to say that I do not hate ALL commercials. There are actually some commercials which bring tears to my eyes. Yes, pati commercials iniiyakan ko. One of my fave tearjerker commercial is the PLDT Christmas Commercial done in black and white. I think this was during 1996. The background music was "Malamig ang simoy ng hangin". And I swear to God that I would cry when this commercial is shown.

But now my favorite TV commercial is the Globe commercials. The one with the blue ribbons connecting each person.

To Globe: Your commercials make me cry. But you are also making me cry by not giving me a discounted price for your handsets. Naiiyak ako because I have been a loyal subscriber for more than 6 years. 6 years! I already have two lines under Globe and you can't even give me a handset on a discounted price. My Nokia 6610 is falling apart! I need a new cellphone!

Paging Thea! Thea, konti nalang, I'm going to switch to Smart. I love Globe and I love my cellphone number. I cannot let go of that number. I am attached to it. But if worse comes to worst, I really need to switch. As much as I hate to, I need to let go of my Globe number. Please Thea! Help me with this! Use your connections!

Patience is not a virtue of a crazy girl

2005-07-15T00:11:00.000+08:00

I hate waiting. I hate getting bored. That is maybe one of the reasons why I am aggressive. I want things to happen quickly. I have a short attention span.

When watching TV and there are commercials, I need to have a book with me so I can do something during commercial breaks. If I don't have a book, I would channel surf. I cannot stay put in just one channel during commercials. If I don't have a book and I cannot channel surf because Mama has the control, I would look for other ways to occupy my time such as cutting my finger nails or organizing my closet.

When I was still riding the shuttle to and from work, I would always bring a book with me so I can read or my headsets so I listen to the built-in radio of my cellphone while waiting for a van or while travelling.

While driving, I cannot just drive. I need to have the radio on. I need to be able to station surf. If I get tired with what's playing on the radio, I pop a cd into the player. If the traffic is terrible and I'm tired of both the radio and my cds, I text people. If the people I'm texting takes more than a minute to reply, I start calling them to complain about the traffic and how late I am. Maybe this is one reason why I pay more than P3,000.00 for my cellphone bills as well as an additional P3,000.00 for participation fee to be paid to my car insurance.

At work, I cannot just work. I need to have my Winamp and my mp3s playing on the background. My Trillian should be running because when I get bored after every 5 minutes, I need to be able to chat with someone. Be it Trexyl, Leny, Tita Ciel, Kartika, Marianne, Joanne, Apple or Red. When I get my momentum back, then I start concentrating on my work again.

When it comes to relationships, I am also impatient. I want things to happen quickly. I want decisions to be made quickly. I usually decide where to eat and what to order or what movie to watch or where to go.

Now I am experiencing my quarter-life crisis. 'Expert's say that this is experienced by young people who move to fast and acquire too much too fast or accomplish too much too fast that they cannot or have a hard time feeling contentment.

But I don't feel as if I've accomplished anything or acquired anything. Maybe that's why I am having this crisis. Or maybe I am just going too fast. Maybe I need to slow down a bit. Smell the roses, enjoy the scenery.

So I can conclude that what I really need is a long and fruitful vacation.

A long and fruitful vacation in the USA or Bangkok or England.

Family and friends, please sponsor me! I need your financial help! Or else I will definitely and certifiably become crazy.

I go crazy, crazy, baby, I go crazy
You turn it on
Then you're gone
Yeah you drive me
Crazy, crazy, crazy, for you baby
What can I do, honey
I feel like the color blue...

--- Crazy, Aerosmith

Desperate Housewives... desperate me?

2005-07-14T23:43:00.000+08:00

Since Sex and the City is now over, I have switched my attention to Desperate Housewives which is the Sex and the City for housewives/married women/single moms.

But first, let us define two words...

desperate adj. 1 reckless through despair. 2 extremely serious or dangerous.

despair n. complete lack of hope.

If that's what desparate and despair mean, then I am not desparate nor in despair.

I am a person filled with hope. I hope for the best but expect the worst.

I am hoping that the Philippines will be able to stand up amidst the chaos, confusion and corruption. I am hoping that I do not have to leave the country just so I can live comfortably and securely. I am hoping that our department will be able to reach our target by the end of the year. I am hoping that I will be able to do everything that I need to do. I am hoping for a lot of things. I am hoping that 100% of all the things I hope for will come true. If not, I will settle for 99%.

Back to Desperate Housewives, I am not totally hooked in this show. I can rarely relate. I am neither married nor a single mother. But I have to say that if I were to be a housewife, a desperate one, I might just be Gabriella.

Thus, I had to take one of those quizzes to confirm my belief. Below is the result:

You're Gabrielle

Like Gabrielle, you have a bit of a princess in you. You expect to have beautiful things, to be admired, to enjoy life - and magically, those things do happen. Your sense of entitlement attracts people who want to pamper and pet you. Best of all, your healthy sense of ego doesn't get in the way of close friendships for you. Leave the cat-fighting to other women (hello, Edie). The women in your life are friends, not rivals.

Just take care that your self-esteeming practices don't develop into self-centredness. Other people have feelings, dreams and hopes - surprise - they are not just there to fulfil your wishes. And by keeping secrets from your friends and loved ones, you might eventually end up shutting them out of what's really going on inside you. Try to maintain your regal attitude without being a royal pain in the ass.

Hhmm.... what do you think?

Let It Go

2005-07-11T23:34:00.001+08:00

By T. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me.

And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth.....

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you .......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents ......

LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude.......

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed .........

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing for 2005!!!

LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left.. think about it, and then ....

LET IT GO!!!

What's your secret?

2005-07-11T02:10:00.000+08:00

I stumbled upon this really great blog called PostSecret where people send in postcards with their secrets on it.

Maybe one of these days when I'm feeling artistic, I might just make my own postcard and send it to PostSecret.

So what's your secret?

...brought to you by the letter C

2005-07-09T01:35:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was brought to me by the Letter C.

Chinese Monk - for lunch
Catnap - at Anna's place
Cancelled Symposium - which I was supposed to go to
Correcting errors - our assignment in Buscom which is due in a few hours
Chunky Corned Beef and Chopsuey - our (Trex, Glenn and I) dinner
CDs - listened to MYMP and Nyoy Volante
Coffee and Cookie - craving for cheesecake but ended up with a cookie
Classmates - talked about our classmates: Who's hot and who's not?
Closing Time - headed home at around 12MN

At Trex's place trying out Glenn's new camera phone

Sarah, masasaktan ka lang

2005-07-07T00:35:00.000+08:00

"Hindi pa sya tumatawag."

Sabi ni Sarah habang nag-da-drive ako sa kahabaan ng Pasay Road.

Sya ang nag-umpisa kaya tinanong ko na, "Sino? Yung boylet mong may girlfriend?"

Sagot nya, "Oo. Tinatanong ko nga sya kung kamusta na sila ng girlfriend nya. Hindi pa raw sila nag-uusap simula nung nagkakilala kami and wag nalang daw namin pag-usapan."

Kaya sinabi ko na sa kanya ng diretso, "Sarah, masasaktan ka lang. Alam mo ba yon? Kaya tigilan mo na."

Ang sabi naman nya, "Alam ko. Masasaktan talaga ako."

---

Sarah, masasaktan ka.

Pero ipagpapatuloy mo pa rin kahit alam mong sa huli, ikaw ang masasaktan.

Pero kapag nasaktan ka, hindi ka iiyak sa harap namin. Pride mo lang. Sa gabi ka iiyak, kapag mag-isa ka nalang at wala kang kasama at walang makakakita.

Pero ito rin ang masasabi ko sayo... makakalimutan mo rin sya ....makakahanap ka ng iba ...at iisipin mong naging tanga ka...

Pero ok lang kasi maalala mo rin na naging masaya ka rin naman ...kahit saglit lang ...kahit alam mong, sa huli, masasaktan ka lang.

Love and Lust in the Gray Area

2005-07-06T23:42:00.000+08:00

What is a gray area? As defined by Tina Pamintuan in the premiere issue of HIM magazine, "it's the new relationship, this place with lots of spontaneity and sexual energy, but with no demands and promises - if you can handle it, it might just work well for you."

Here are some more excerpts from the article:

When you have to make a choice and don't make it, that in itself is a decision.

It's something, not exactly nothing.

I'm sure we're all very familiar with this situation. You establish that you don't have a status. Then most of the time it gets complicated when one party wants more than the other is willing to give. It's usually the woman, mainly because, emotions aside, women can't put emotions aside, especially if she is sexually involved.

Someone once told me that even if you press the "pause" button on the relationship, you can only hold back for as long as you can, but you can't stop emotions from developing. Feelings are inconsistent and unreasonable.

...butterflies live in the gray area - that amazing feeling of being in bliss and being excited to see the other person, not knowing what they are doing, and thinking of them thinking of you.

Celebrate the gray area... the element of surprise, the unexpected burst of emotion... there are many advantages of being in limbo.

Keep in mind that an "erotic friendship" is a temporary relationship. You can't stay there forever.

Our masks conceal what our false hearts fail to admit.

---

If you want to read the full article, go and get yourself a copy of HIM magazine.

Kwarto

2005-07-03T02:09:00.000+08:00

I share a room with my mom. Mama's girl kasi ako and nandun lahat ng gamit such as the big bed, the TV, the DVD player, the aircon. So technically, I don't have a room of my own. My 'room' in this house has been converted to the computer room/library/ironing room. It's actually a mess. The PC is here, as well as books and magazines, toys, clothes to be ironed, our shoes and a lot more stuff.

I may not have a room of my own. But I have a cabinet of my own. My cabinet where I store almost all the things which I treasure. But I take for granted most of the time. Such as...

...my clothes. It is such a mess! I tell myself everyday that I'm going to clean/arrange my clothes. Then bigla akong tatamarin. I know I need to sort them out. I need to take out the clothes I haven't worn for 6 months or more. Everyday, my dilemma is what to wear to the office. I would whine to Mama and tell her, "Wala na akong masuot!" and she would reply, "Walang masuot? Punung-puno yang cabinet mo." That's why I need to throw/give/store away the items I rarely use.

....my books. All my books are here. I love looking at my book collection. I don't have a lot of books. Maybe I have less than a hundred. I don't buy books which I can borrow from other people or the ones which are 'national bestsellers' that everybody has a copy of. I do not have a copy of Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code or Angels and Demons but both are my favorites. The books I have are usually books which not a lot of people have but are really good books such as Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden, Summer Sisters and Wifey by Judy Blume, Chat, Connect and Crash by Nan Mccarthy, Till there are faces by CS Lewis, Girls by Nic Kelman and a whole lot more. I've read somewhere that you should only lend the books you do not want. So pardon me if I'm a little bit selfish with my books. The thought of losing even one of them breaks my heart.

...photos. All the pictures that I have since high school are in my cabinet. I look at them from time to time and reminisce on how things were before. High school pictures in our navy blue jumper or white gala uniform, college photos of our yearly Halloween parties in Ayala Alabang, pictures with my Fleet Family. Of course the pictures only capture the happy moments in my life. What else should it capture? The sad ones? Of course not. That's why we take photos. So we can remember the happy moments in our lives.

...letters from friends, relatives, ex-friends, ex-crushes. I am such a sentimental fool. I keep all letters, cards, invitations which I receive from people. I seldom re-read them though. Masyadong madami. I keep them because the letters serve as my diary. It documents my life and the life of my friends and the people who gave the letters to me.

I really need to clean my closet. I need to throw away the things which I do not use and are no longer useful. It's somewhat like therapy because it helps me let go of things which I do not need anymore and believe me, I have a hard time letting go... of anyone or anything.

So let's take small steps. Let's start with my cabinet.

------

Maglilinis ako ng aking kwarto
Na punong puno ng galit at damit
Mga bagay na hindi ko na kailangan
Nakaraang hindi na pwedeng pagpaliban
Mga liham ng linihim kong pag-ibig
At litrato ng kahapong maligalig
Dahan dahan kong inipon
Ngunit ngayon kailangan ng itapon

Di ko na kayang mabuhay sa kahapon
Kaya mula ngayon, mula ngayon..

May jacket mong nabubulok sa sulok
Inaalikabok na sa lungkot
May panyong ilang ulit nang niluhaan
Isang patak sa bawat beses na
Tayo'y nasaktan

Alaala ng lumuluhang kahapon
Dahan dahan ko na ring kinakahon
Natagpuan ko na ang tunay kong ligaya
Lumabas ako ng kwarto't naron sya
Magpapaalam na sa'yo ang aking kwarto

Magpapaalam na sa'yo

Magpapaalam na sa'yo ang aking kwarto..

---Kwarto, Sugarfree

Tinotopak cellphone ko

2005-06-28T00:16:00.000+08:00

Parang yung may-ari. May topak. Baliw.

My apologies if I didn't get to reply to your text messages.

I guess mabuti na rin yun. Di ako nakakabasa ng text, di rin ako nakakapag-text.

So high school...

2005-06-28T00:14:00.000+08:00

Caution: Senti stuff ahead.

Leny sent this to me. Something she got out of her high school stuff.

Just when I thought I was already too cynical and too old for this kind of mushiness...

Tumatanda yata ako ng paurong. Late bloomer?

----

Hello...
Such a sweetly inane way to begin, but it gets the job done. How are you? I never could tell just by looking at you. I always had to ask, always had to hear it from you, always had to have a valid reason to get you to talk to me. Why is that? Why did you never talk to me as if there was nothing else in the world you'd rather be doing than spending your time with me, just listening to the sound of my voice? Why? You are amazing! Did I ever tell you that? The mere sight of you leaves me breathless; the thought of you leaves me in awe. You are so unbelievably beautiful, so exquisitely magnetic; so unbearably out of my reach. Why is it? Why couldn't you see me the way I see you? Why did I have to meet you if I was never meant to have you? Why? I've fallen for you. I love you. A simple statement whose complexity astounds and confounds me. It leaves me speechless, confused, weak, frightened. You dont even know the extent of your power over me! Why is that? Why can't you see the way I longingly follow you with my eyes? Why isn't it possible for you to love me back? Why? I was just wondering.

----

Ang drama! Di ko ma-take! Nasusuka ako! Ayoko na ng ganito! Jessica Zafra... I need you!!!

You Have the Power to Create Love

2005-06-26T23:35:00.000+08:00

Trex, hinanap ko pa talaga ito. Ito yung pinag-uusapan natin. I stand corrected. Hindi pala 97/3. 90/10 pala.

---

YOU HAVE WEALTH UNDER YOUR NOSE

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have.

"Bo, this girl in my office is a real looker," many a husband will say. "But it's not her Wynona Rider features that got me. I'm head over heels with her because she's also understanding, intelligent, tender -- so many things that my wife has not."

Sure.

Guys, trust me on this. Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman who will be more charming. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Be a better cook. Have greater sex appeal. Be a more efficient housekeeper. And you will find a woman who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your wife ever did.

Because no wife is perfect.

Because a wife will only have 90% of what you're looking for.

So adultery takes place when a husband looks for the missing 10%.

Let's say your wife is melancholic by nature. You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cherry laugh no matter what she says: "I broke my arm yesterday, Hahahaha..." Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pajamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil, you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt. Or because your wife is the quiet type (a rare find), your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old college flame who has the makings of a talk show host like Oprah.

But wait! That's only 10% of what you don't have. Don't throw away the 90% that you already have! That's not all. Add to your wife's 90% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered together. The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple. The many adjustments you have made to love the other. The wealth of memories that you've accumulated as lovers.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have.

But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have.
But I'm not just talking about marriage. I'm talking about life! About your jobs. About your friends. About your children. About your prayer groups. About your lifestyles.

Are you like the economy airline passenger that perennially peeks through the door of the first class cabin, obsessed with what he's missing?

"They have got more leg room! Oh my, their food is served in porcelain! Wow, their seats recline at an 80% angle and they've got personal videos!" I guarantee you'll be miserable for the entire trip!

Don't live your life like that.

Forget about what the world says is first class. (Do you know that there are many first class passengers who are miserable in first class -- because they're not riding in a private Lear Jet?)

My main message: If you start thanking God for what you have right now, wherever you are is first class!

You have wealth under your nose. Thank Him.

By Bo Sanchez From his book: You Have the Power to Create

I got lost and I can't see clearly

2005-06-26T22:13:00.000+08:00

Last saturday, I got lost thrice.

First, I got lost on my way to Maita's house. I've been going to her place since I was in high school. But last saturday, I got lost. Literally. I was already driving along Pasong Tamo and I knew that I just needed to go straight and turn left as soon as I see Inquirer. But for some strange reason, I got totally confused and turned right at Bagtikan. I realized that I'm going the wrong way but it was too late. I reached Maita's place after about 15 - 20 minutes of driving around in circles because Makati is so full of one way streets!

I haven't seen Maita for the longest time. It was nice seeing her again and talking to her and telling her everything. It felt good. It was my therapy. I remember when we were in college, we would talk everyday on the phone. Every single day. We never ran out of things to say. I guess I have to say that Maita kept me sane. She would listen to me, she would give her advice if I ask for it, but she never really judged me. She just tells me and she still tells me, "Ganyan ka naman talaga eh." and I felt like she understood. Amidst all the chaos and confusion going on around me, I know that I have a friend I can run to.

Unfortunately, I had to leave because I had to go to Podium to have dinner with the Kutings for the birthday celebration of Jo, Claude and Vivian. On my way to Podium, I got lost again. Damn! Ang dami kong nasayang na gas! Fortunately, I found my way again and I was in such a hurry because I didn't want to be late and I have been to Podium only once. Thanks to Karen and her directions, I got there on time. Went I got to UCC, Joanna, Ryan and Vivian were already there. After a few minutes of small talk, I told them, "Oo nga pala. Break na kami." And in unison, they all said, "ANO!!!". Their reaction was priceless and quite funny. Then Karen and Janice came followed by Claude and Abby. We had a wonderful time reminscing about my sinful college days while eating our equally sinful desserts...

Maan: Ganito ba ako nung college? Baliw? Psychotic?
Karen: Hindi naman. Konti lang.
Maan: Oo nga. Hindi naman ako nabaliw dun kay Mike diba? Di ko nga sya nababanggit eh. Di ko maalalang pinag-uusapan natin sya.
Karen: Anung hindi nababanggit? Eh imbis na mag-aral tayo sa conservatory, sya pinag-uusapan natin. Sino nga pala yung kinantahan ka...
Maan singing: What you need is somebody warm like me... Si Mike nga yun.
Karen: Tama! Somebody Warm Like Me.
Maan: Yuck! Oh well. Nabigyan naman nya ako ng cellphone so OK lang.
Karen: Yung cellphone mo na di mo alam kung paano hihinaan ang ringtone!
Maan: Oo nga! Thanks to Jo, nalaman ko kung paano.

We got to talk about my past cellphones and laugh about the stories about them. Ang first cellphone ko na Motorola na nagsa-skandalo dahil di namin alam kung paano hinaan ang ring volume. Ang Nokia 5110 ko na binili ng Papa ko para sa akin at nag-cut ako ng classes para makuha.

After cellphones, we got to talk about the bad news boys who came into my life which none of them obviously liked...

Karen: Naalala mo dati kumakain tayo sa Mcdo para lang makakuha ka ng raffle stub at manalo ng Revo na gusto mong gamitin para banggain si Prudence na Ex ni Joseph?
Maan: Hahaha! Oo, naaalala ko. Kadiri ah. As in di ko na maalala yung guy na yun noh. Kayo nalang nakakaalala.
Karen: Paano ba naman di namin maaalala? Ang psycho mo nun at tumaba kami dahil sa kabaliwan mo. Oo nga pala, sabi ko sa Achi ko virgin ka pa and wala naman nangyari sa inyo ni Chai.
Maan: Yuck talaga! Wala talagang nangyari. Shet nasusuka ako! Dapat lang sabihin mo sa Achi mo na virgin ako at walang nangyari samin ng lalakeng yon!
Karen: Pero ang pinakabaliw mo na ginawa is yung pinadala mo samin yung picture ng girlfriend ng crush mo at tinatanong mo kung maganda sya. Hindi nalang ako nag-comment kasi naaasar ako sayo! Hindi naman lahat physical noh.
Maan: Alam ko. Gusto ko lang malaman kung sino sa amin ang maganda. So maganda ba sya?
Karen: Hindi sya maganda ok. Simple lang.
Maan: Yes! Mas maganda ako sa kanya!
Karen: Hindi ko sinabi yun ah.
Maan: Ah ganon! Panget ako!
Karen: Hay Maan. Di ko sinasabi yan.

And we talked some more and reminsced about the past and thought about the future may bring us. We left UCC at around 11:30 PM. Thus I got lost for the third time that day. I had to ask for help from the guards/police roaming Ortigas on motorbikes to show me the way to Edsa so I can go home.

I got home at around 12:30AM, logged in to check my mail and my blog and I got to chat with Red for a short time. As usual, I can't help but feel sad and to cry about our current situation. Hopefully things will get better. I slept at around 2AM and I woke up past 12NN just to eat my lunch then I slept again. I watched some TV and read the book I borrowed from Tina titled "In her Shoes". While reading, I noticed that the letters are blurry and I can't seem to read the words. I had to wear my glasses so I can read. Right now I am wearing my glasses while making this entry.

I'm lost and I can't see clearly. I am confused and I don't know what I want or what I need. I know that I already have the things and the people I need to make me happy but it seems like I'm wanting the wrong things and the wrong people. My life, to an outsider, is quite good... almost perfect.

Quoting from someone I know, "Maan, ikaw ang gumagawa ng sarili mong multo at ako naman ang pumapatay para sa iyo."

You're right about one thing. Ako gumagawa ng sarili kong multo. Pero hindi ikaw ang pumapatay para sakin. Ako rin naman. Kasi wala ka naman.

'Do you wanna run away together?'
I would say it was your best line ever.
Too bad I fell for it...
And I walked along,
Waiting for you to come along.
Take my tortured heart by the hand.
And write me off.
Do you know I cry?
Do you know I die?
Do you know I cry?
And it's not the good kind...
You forced me to become strong.
And I just cried, being weak.
And you think you know.
And I would like to think so,
But do you know that when you go,I fall apart.
--- The Good Kind, The Wreckers

Nalulungkot ako...

2005-06-26T01:39:00.000+08:00

...kapag nakaka-chat kita. Pero di ko naman mapigilan sarili ko na di makipag-chat sayo kapag nakikita ko na online ka.

...kapag nagkikita tayo. Pero di ko mapigil na di ka yayain mag-coffee or mag-dinner.

...kapag kailangan ko na umalis at kailangan mo na rin umuwi.

...dahil ako may gusto nito.

...dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ang gusto ko.

...kasi malungkot ka rin.

So sleepy...

2005-06-25T01:25:00.000+08:00

But before I go to sleep and call it a day, I just have to blog about this before I completely forget that I want to blog about it.

For today...

... I got a phone call from Papa. I told him that I am seriously thinking of applying for a US tourist VISA because I want to go to SF on October. I want to celebrate Halloween there as well as Autumn in New York. I have one problem though. I still don't have enough money for the airfare. Thus Papa graciously offered to pay for it. Yoohoo!

... I was able to chat with Kartika and tell her that I might be there this October. She told me to stay for good but I told her that I love Manila and I will be leaving my heart in Manila and not in San Francisco.

... I asked Leny for tips on how to apply for a VISA. I need to download a form through the net and go to Citibank and pay $100 for another form. I also need to prepare my supporting documents as well as ask permission from my boss if I can take my leave. I'm not sure if I am allowed to leave for a month. If not, I'm praying for 2-3 weeks.

... I had lunch with Trexyl at Banana Leaf in Glorietta 4.

... I watched "Nasaan Ka Man" starring Claudine Barretto, Diether Ocampo and Jericho Rosales at WalterMart Makati with Leny.

... I got home at around 12MN and now I am so sleepy but also very hungry.

Will write more tomorrow. I need to wake up real early for my class.

The Ultimate Love Story

2005-06-24T00:05:00.000+08:00

My college classmate sent this article to our yahoogroups last September 22, 2003. Her boyfriend, our classmate, is an engineer. Kartika also sent me this article about a year ago. Her boyfriend is also an engineer. Almost five years ago, I fell in love with an engineer...

----

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shocked.
"I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times.
My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him?

And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?"

Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?"

He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow...."

My hopes just sank by listening to his response. I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My dear,

"I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further.."

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.
You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way. You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy. You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you
jokes and stories to cure your boredom. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand... and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face... Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and
die.. "

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting... And as I continue on reading...

"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk... "

I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread....

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...

That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness. Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... And that's our life... Love, not words win arguments...

----

... and I still love him until now. But like the woman in the article, I yearn for the romantic moments like a little girl yearning for candy. Immaturity on my part, I have to admit. But what can I do? I cannot control how I feel. So I made one of the biggest decisions in my life... I asked for space and time to think.

I used to ask him, "Why do people cheat on the ones they love?"

And his answer was plain and simple, "Because everyone is searching for their ultimate love story."

Maybe I am looking for my ultimate love story. Or maybe I am already living my ultimate love story. It's just that it needed some twists and turns to make it more exciting and fun.

A lot of people have been telling me that the 'spark' will eventually fade in every relationship. The important thing is that the person you are with loves you, respects you, will be there for you through better or for worse, sickness or health, till death do you part.

I agree. But right now, I am immature. I am selfish. I cannot live without the kilig moments... the spark which makes every relationship exciting. I agree that it fades away but I do not agree that it will never come back.

I have no regrets with regard to the decisions I have made. I took the risk and was fully aware of the consequences that such risks may bring. I guess my only regret was hurting the people I care about. Relationships have been destroyed and I am hoping they can be fixed. When it would happen and if it would happen, only God knows.

Daddy's Girl

2005-06-23T12:34:00.000+08:00

I cannot remember celebrating Father's Day with my dad.

Understandable since my parents separated when I was 6 and my mom raised us, my brother and I, all by herself.

But even if my dad left us, I feel no anger or hatred towards him. Walang halong biro. In fact, when I think of my dad, I can only think of happy memories which I have with him. I have enough bad vibes when it comes to my dad from my mom and brother. But that's a totally different story and would require a different entry.

Here's some stuff which I fondly remember about my Papa...

When he gets home really late at night, about midnight, he would wake me up and invite me to go to Burger Machine which was just in front of our house in BF Homes. He would order a burger for me and a root beer. I remember feeling like an adult because I was drinking root beer. I thought it was beer. I remember that we would talk about stuff... I'm sure they're nonsense... but it was our bonding moments. Now every time I pass by Burger Machine, especially at night, I am reminded of these moments with him.

My dad is my very first date to the movies. The movie I remember watching with him in a movie house was The Neverending Story. I remember crying while watching this movie because of a horse that got stuck in quicksand.

My dad loves going out during the weekends. My mom never went with us, she'd rather stay home so it would be just me, my brother and my dad. He would bring us to Luneta, Manila Zoo and this very big playground in Manila.

He bought me really cool books and toys. Most, if not all, of my favorite fairy tale books came from my dad. I had the VTEC mini computer which taught me how to spell (thanks to Hangman), add, subtract, multiply and a whole lot more. We had this small robot casette player, Disney books with matching tapes, a 'videocam' of Gummy Bears and other toys which I cannot remember.

According to my mom, my dad is very kuripot. My dad also hates utang and credit cards. He'd rather pay in cash. I seldom ask for anything from my dad, especially for financial help. But when I do, I am not disappointed. When I asked for help for my college tuition, daily allowance and thesis expense, he gave it to me without any hesitation. It's a different story for my brother, again that would be a different entry.

He tolerates my bratiness. This has been tested when I was 19 years old and I wanted a new cellphone - specifically a Nokia 5110.

He listens to my advice. Believe it or not, I am the one who gives advice to my dad.

----

When I was about 9 or 10, that was when I knew that my parents have 'officially' separated and will never get back together. I used to cry at night because of that. I remember my mom getting angry at me and telling me, "Iniiyakan mo yang tatay mo! Iniwan nga tayo nyan!"

I wasn't crying because I miss my dad. I've fully adjusted to life without a father during that time. I was crying because I know that my dad misses us and the thought of him being alone and lonely makes me sad.

My dad could be the worst husband ever. My mom and my brother hate his guts. He is also not the world's perfect father. He has his shortcomings and mistakes. But inspite of that, I still love my dad and pray for him every night. I pray that he finds happiness, that he may be truly happy. To have no regrets in life, to live life and enjoy each moment.

I have learned that just because a person does not love you the way you want them to, it does not mean they do not love you will all they have.

The Meantime Girl

2005-06-21T23:28:00.000+08:00

She's the one you call when you're bored because she makes you laugh.
She's the one you talk to when you're feeling down because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend.
She's NOT the one you call when you need a date to your company's Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night.
She's the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime.
She's not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don't look at her as a "real" woman, either. She's not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light.
She's too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by.
She's too understanding, too comfortable - she doesn't make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does.
But she's cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you're lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she'll do just fine.
You don't have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don't have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You're not trying to get anything of substance out of her.
She's not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she'll give you the intimacy you need.
And you know you don't have to explain yourself or the situation, that she'll be able to cope with the fact that this isn't the beginning of a relationship or that there's any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her.
It won't bother her that you'll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you've been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you.
She'll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went.
She's just so cool . . . why can't all women be like that?! But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don't because to you, the situation between the two of you isn't important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it's really not fair.
You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don't think she's good enough to spend any real time with.
Sure, it's mostly her fault, because she doesn't have to give in to your needs - she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn't pull it off.
Maybe she's too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell.
Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman.
So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.
You'll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she'll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.
She doesn't captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd.
She's safe.
She doesn't want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room.
But she wants to turn someone's head.
She wants to be special to someone, too.
We all do.
She has feelings.
She has a heart.
In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you've ever known because she's had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway.
She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you've given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.
Anyway, yeah. I'm a Meantime Girl. Been one more times than I care to admit. I don't know the reason, really, and at this point I don't even care. I just want to let every guy know who's ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry, too. A lot. And someday we won't be around.

----

Hard as it may be to admit, but I have been a Meantime Girl.

But I also have to say that I have no regrets.

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes you meet a lot of wrong people so they can direct you to the right one.

Wouldn't be nice...

2005-06-16T23:04:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is another day.

And I will pretend that everything is bright and sunny and go through the motions.

I will go through my everyday routines. Routines... what I hate the most will save me from going crazy.

So I will wake up tomorrow morning, brush my teeth, take a shower, put on my make up and get ready for work.

I will drive myself to the office and tune in to Chico and Delamar and laugh out loud over their Top Ten.

I will stay away from listening to love songs while driving.

When I get to the office, I will invite Leng, Leny, Aga or Connie for coffee.

I will open my PC, open my Winamp and my Trillian and wait for Kartika or Marianne or PJ to buzz me so we can talk about our day and our lives like we weren't a hundred miles apart.

I will go through my work and hope I finish everything that I need to do for the day.

Then at around 6PM, if I'm not yet tired and I'm still up for it, I will have dinner with my college friends or go out with Leny to drink even if I don't drink.

If not, I'll just drive home, take a shower, brush my teeth, put on my retainers, watch a little TV, sleep and hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

----

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long
And wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong

You know its gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through

Happy times together we've been spending
I wish that every kiss was neverending

Wouldn't it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true
Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do
We could be married
And then we'd be happy

Wouldn't it be nice

You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But let's talk about it
Wouldn't it be nice

--- Wouldn't it be nice, The Beach Boys

River

2005-06-16T18:52:00.000+08:00

It's coming on Christmas
They're cutting down trees
They're putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on

But it don't snow here
It stays pretty green
I'm going to make a lot of money
Then I'm going to quit this crazy scene
I wish I had a river
I could skate away on

I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a riverI could skate away on
I made my baby cry

He tried hard to help me
You know, he put me at ease
And he loved me so naughty
Made me weak in the knees
Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on

I'm so hard to handle
I'm selfish and I'm sad
Now I've gone and lost the best baby
That I ever had
Oh I wish I had a riverI could skate away on

I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a river
I made my baby say goodbye

It's coming on Christmas
They're cutting down trees
They're putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
I wish I had a riverI could skate away on

--- River, Joni Mitchell

Joe's Love Story

2005-06-15T23:45:00.000+08:00

Accounting class.

I arrived in class at around 7PM. My class starts at 6PM. I'm late and I really don't care.

The thought of balance sheets and income statements is scaring the hell out of me. This is definitely one subject wherein I cannot just daydream the 3 hours away and still expect a high grade during course card day. For this subject, I need to concentrate on the teacher and on the topic and give my 100%.

But today... I cannot give my 100%.

During our 15-minute break, I cannot help but spill my guts out to Thea and cry over my ham sandwich which I wasn't able to finish. Afterwards, I just didn't feel that hungry after all and another bite would cause me to puke. So instead of my sandwich going to waste, I gave it to Thea instead.

On my way home, Thea, Sarah and Joe rode with me up to Pasay Road. While driving, we came to talking....

Maan: Na-feel nyo na ba yung mawala yung spark sa relationship nyo kahit na mahal na mahal mo naman sya?
Joe: Been there, done that.
Maan: Ano? Kwento ka naman!
Thea: Ay alam ko yang kwento na yan. First bonding moment namin ni Joe, yun ang kwento nya. Diba yan yung sa UST?
Maan: Bonding moment? Kelan yan?
Joe: Yung Infoman class natin. Nag-cut kami ng class and nag-bonding kami.
Maan: Teka teka teka. Classmates tayo nun ah. Nasaan ako nun?
Joe: Eh di nandun sa classroom...
Maan: Nasa classroom lang ako? Nabubulok dun kasama si Marianne! Anyway, balik sa spark...
Joe: Yung spark na yan, ang hirap talaga kapag nawala na.
Maan: Pero pwede naman mabalik yung spark diba?
Joe: Para sa akin hindi na mababalik yun.
Maan: Bawiin mo yan Joe! Nababalik ang spark. Hindi pwedeng hindi.
Thea: Wag kang makinig kay Joe.
Sarah: Joe, wag ka na nga lang sumabay.
Maan: O sya. Ikwento mo na...

And Joe started to tell his love story. How he had this girlfriend for 3 years who studied in UST. On their 3rd anniversary, he decided to surprise her by visiting her in school bringing flowers. Yun pala sya ang na-surprise. He saw his girlfriend with another guy. Ang sweet nila... more than friends. So nagwala si Joe sa gitna ng UST....

We got to Pasay Road even before Joe can finish his story. Nabitin kaming lahat.

So this means, there will be a continuation... Abangan ang susunod na kabanata.

If A Man Wants You

2005-06-14T19:30:00.000+08:00

From: Leny
To: Fleet Girls
Subject: FW: How to date a man...
Sent: Tue 6/14/2005 10:35 AM

----
Maan/Leng,

This is for you...

Leny :)

If A Man Wants U

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house.
Never co-sign for a man.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other friends ..... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

----
6/F Pantry... while making coffee...

Leng: Binabalikan ako ni Albert.
Maan: Yes. Heaven ka na ba? So babalikan mo nga.
Leng: Hindi noh. Maghirap muna sya. Pag ako bumabalik hirap na hirap ako. Dapat sya din!
Maan: Good! Sinusunod mo na talaga ang The Rules. Tama yan. Pahirapan mo sya.

Fall to Pieces

2005-06-13T23:28:00.000+08:00

I looked away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
T oday's the day
I pray that we make it through
Make it through the fall
Make it through it all

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love with you

You're the only one,
I'd be with till the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms

Wanna know who you are
Wanna know where to start
I wanna know what this means
Wanna know how you feel
Wanna know what is real
I wanna know everything, everything

I'm in love with you
Cuz i'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you

--- Fall to Pieces, Avril Lavigne

----
Maan: Nuod naman tayo ng concert ni Norah Jones. (sabay play ng mp3 ng "Don't Know Why" to set the mood and hopefully maenganyo si Leny manuod)
Leny: Pwede. Ano ba songs nya?
Maan: Don't Know Why and Come Away With Me
Leny: Ano pa?
Maan: Yun lang alam ko eh.
Leny: Yun lang? Eh kung Avril Concert nalang?
Maan: Avril? Rock ka na ngayon? Di naman kaya magkagulo sa concert ni Avril...
Leny: Sige na please. Avril.
Maan: Ayoko. Gusto ko Norah Jones.

-----

Now I wish I went to Avril's concert. Next time...

----

Coffee at Gloria Jean's? Awful. Nothing beats Starbucks. But I guess it's really not the coffee but the company.

Changes

2005-06-09T07:50:00.000+08:00

Latest skin... Paris Hilton.

I am hoping that there won't be any problems with this skin because I'm tired of looking for a new one. I'm still thinking if I should add a tagboard or not. At least my comments are in place and my links, though incomplete, are already in.

----

I arrived here in the office at around 6:30 AM because thursday is my coding day. I had to wake up at 5:00 AM so I can get here before 7AM. How I wish someone could just bring me to the office every thursday so I won't have to wake up really early.

----

10 million things to do but I don't know where to start.

----

Mr. & Mrs. Smith opened in cinemas yesterday. Should I watch it today or tomorrow? It's up to Red. I guess I'll just wait for his text.

Grammar 101

2005-06-07T21:00:00.000+08:00

Business and Communications Class. Saturdays. 0830 - 1130. DLSU Taft.

I love grammar class. But this schedule is just killing me. I am just not a morning person. So what could be more worse than getting up early on a saturday morning for 3 months? So I skipped the first saturday class and I missed all the fun of introducing myself to the class.

And so I thought.

When I got to class, the professor asked the late comers or those who were absent during the last meeting to stand up and introduce themselves to the class by stating their name, undergrad course, school graduated from, present company, job position, reason for being absent during the first day and motto.

Since I can't think and I refuse to think of an excuse why I was absent, here's what I said...

"Good morning everyone! I see a lot of familiar faces. I am Angela Isaac but you can call me Maan for short. "

Then I stated my undergrad course and school as well as where I work and my job position.

"So why was I absent last week?"

And my mind went blank. Where was I last saturday? I can't remember. Or I just refuse to remember? Selected Amnesia perhaps?

So I just said, "I have no excuse nor valid reason for being absent. I was stressed with work and I had to deal with some personal issues. I promise that I will redeem myself today."

So I and Trexyl (who was also absent) tried our best to redeem ourselves. To prove to our professor and the whole class that we're not bad students. That we give our 100%. But sometimes our best is just not good enough...

Use the noun 'repute' in a sentence
Trex: Repute? Ano yung repute?
Maan: Ewan. Alam ko reputable.
Trex: Shet nakakahiya tayo. Di natin alam ang repute.

Different stresses in a sentence
Trex: I-stress mo daw yung stole. So ganito... I did not say you STOLE my husband...
Maan: Trex para kang tanga. Ano yan? Ang panget. Dapat ganito... I did not say you STOLE my husband... I just borrowed him.
Trex: Pwede, pwede. O ano yung next word? Dapat yung makaka-relate ka ah.
Maan: Ulul!

Use 'content' in a sentence
Maan: I am happy and contented with my boyfriend.
Maan: OK ba Trex? Tama ba?
Trex: Tama!
Maan: Are you happy and contented with YOUR boyfriend?
Trex: Of course.
Maan: OK. Good for you.
---
I miss Marianne. I miss her more during class. I miss eating with her during our 15-minute breaks which we extend to 30 minutes. I miss telling her, "Gutom na gutom ako! Kain tayo." and writing silly stuff on her notebook like, "Hi Marianne. Kain tayo!" or asking her where we would eat and what we would order. Hay.

Buti nalang nandyan si Trexyl. Trex, you are my saviour. Without you, mapapanis ang laway ko sa Busscom. Wish we were also classmates in my Finacc class.

---
Trex: Maan, stop na.
Maan: You're right. Stop na.
Trex: Let's stop na.
Maan: I know.

---
You remain
My power, my pleasure, my pain, baby
To me you're like a grown addiction that I can't deny
Won't you tell me if it's healthy, baby?
--Kiss from a Rose, Seal

Under Renovation

2005-06-06T13:15:00.000+08:00

My PC broke down just when I'm overhauling the lay-out of my blog.

Everything's gone.

I can't remember my links.

I can't remember how to put my tag board, my comments, and my Sex and the City Random Quotes.

Bear with me and my pink lay-out which I got from Blogger.

Marianne, what's the URL of Dude's blog? What's the URL of your blog? =)

Stay by Cueshe

2005-06-03T09:48:00.000+08:00

I believe
We shouldn't let the moment pass us by
Life's too short
We shouldnt wait for the water to run dry

Think about it cause
We only have one shot at destiny
All I'm asking
Could it possibly be you and me?

So if you'd still go, I'll understand
Would you give me something just to hold on to?
And if you'll stay, I'll hold your hand
'Cause I'm truly, madly, crazily in love with you

Time has come for us to go our separate ways
God forbid
But my mind is going crazy today

I feel so cold
Feel so numb
I'm having nightmares but I'm awake
Help me Lord
Fight this loneliness
Take this pain away

So if you'd still go, I'll understand
Would you give me something just to hold on to?
And if you'll stay, I'll hold your hand
Cause I'm truly, madly, crazily in love with you
Now that you're gone, I'm all alone
I'm still hoping that you would come back home
Dont care how long, but I'm willing to wait
Cause I'm truly, madly, crazily in love with you

---
Maan: Hon, meron akong new song na gusto. Stay by Cueshe. C-U-E-S-H-E. Alam mo ba yun?
Red: Parang hindi.
Maan: Basta slightly rock sya. Pinoy band from Cebu. Ganito yung lyrics...
Maan singing: But if you'll still go, I'll understand (with matching head bang para feel talaga na rock song)
Red: Ah parang narining ko na yan.
Maan: O basta yun na yun.

What women want

2005-06-03T00:09:00.000+08:00

Thursday morning, I rode the Makati Shuttle going to the office since I can't bring my car due to coding. That means I don't have to drive and I can listen intently to Chico and Delamar. But as usual, in the middle of The Morning Rush, I fell asleep. When I woke up, we were already along Dela Rosa, and Delamar was talking and she said:

What a woman wants is for her man to prove to her everyday that she made the right choice.

I agree.

If all men can do this, then all women will be content and happy.

New skin, new lay-out

2005-05-27T00:28:00.000+08:00

I got tired of looking at my template courtesy of www.blogger.com so I decided to look for a new skin at www.blogskins.com.

Bear with me because this lay-out needs a lot of html editing before I can personalize it.

My Mother, My Life

2005-05-22T23:02:00.000+08:00

Last May 8 was Mother's Day. Mother's Day is always celebrated on the first Sunday of the month of May.

So Mama, Lola and I went to Tagaytay to celebrate THEIR DAY. I have to say that without my Mama and my Lola, I will not be here right now in front of my PC and writing this entry. Since it was Mother's Day yesterday, let me tell you a few things about me and my mother.

From the time I was born until my pre-school years, she reads to me almost every night until I fall asleep or until she falls asleep. My favorite books were Fox in Socks by Dr. Seuss and The Three Billy Goats Gruff. When my brother was born, she told me, "I can't read to you anymore because I have to take care of your brother. You have to learn to read by yourself." So I was forced to learn my ABCs.

Whenever she gets home from the office, she makes it a point to buy me and my brother something and we actually call it 'something'. I thought that 'something' meant 'pasalubong'.

Whenever my brother and I would fight she would tell us, "Pag may umiyak na isa sa inyo mamaya, malilintikan kayo sakin!"

She never forced us to finish our meals, go to church on Sundays or to study for an exam. When we were kids, we basically did what we wanted to do as long as the house is clean and all our body parts are complete when she gets home.

Aside from death and dying, I am very afraid of the dark. Before, when I had to pee in the middle of the night, I had to wake up Mama to accompany me to the bathroom. If I wanted to go to the kitchn for a glass of water, I ask Mama to accompany me. It became a nuisance to Mama so she told me, "Pumunta ka na dun at kumuha ng tubig! Saan ka mas takot? Sa akin o sa multo?" Of course I was more scared of my mom.

Until now I'm still afraid of the dark. Whenever I go upstairs to our bedroom, I run as fast as I can and Mama would ask, "O! Bat hinihingal ka? Bat nagmamadali ka?" and I would say, "Nakakatakot sa baba!" and she would say, "Parang kang baliw!"

She became a single mother when I was 6 and my brother was 3. She sacrificed a lot for us. She worked her butt off just so she could send us to the excellent schools and make sure we have a bright future ahead of us.

When I was little and cried because I hurt myself from playing or being too makulit, she would tell me, "Wag ka masyadong umiyak. Pag namatay ako baka wala ka ng luha na iiyak." Morbid. But it works most of the time. I try to save my tears for my mother's death.

Speaking of death, Mama wants to be cremated and be buried under a tree she calls "Spring Showers". As of now, I have no idea what that tree looks like and where to get it.

Mamais totally obsessed over American Idol. She watches the primetime show on ABC 5 around 7PM. When I get home around 10PM and start watching it, she watches again. I seldom watch the American Idol when it's time to vote off someone so she usually texts me and tells me who got voted off.

When I can't sleep at night, I hold Mama's hand or hug her. After a few minutes, I'm already sleeping.

Mama is my No. 1 Fan. If I tell her that I want to be the President of the Republic of the Philippines in the future, she will believe me.

Mama is my No. 1 Consoler (if there is such a noun).
Year 1996
Mama: Bat ka umiiyak?
Maan: Bumagsak ako sa UP!!!
Mama: Eh ano naman? Sa La Salle ka mag-enroll. Mas maganda naman dun kesa UP.
Maan: Sinasabi mo lang yan coz bumagsak ako sa UP!
Mama: Hindi ah. Nagpapasalamat nga ako di ka nakapasa. Ayoko sa UP.
Maan: Oo na! La Salle na!

Year 1999
Mama: Sinung kausap mo? Boyfriend mo?
Maan: Boyfriend? Hindi ko boyfriend yun noh.
Mama: Hindi mo na boyfriend. Bakit? Break na kayo?
Maan: Oo.
Mama: Bakit?
Maan: Kasi kupal sya.
Mama: Tama yan. Kung kupal, hiwalayan mo. Walang kwenta yan. Marami pang iba dyan.

Year 2004
Mama: O anong nangyari? Natanggap ka?
Maan: Hindi.
Mama: Ha? Bakit? Anung nangyari?
Maan: Ewan ko sa kanila. Mga kupal sila. Magsisisi sila na di nila ako tinanggap.
Mama: Hayaan mo na. Ginusto ng Diyos yan.
Maan: Ginusto na naman ng Diyos...

I believe the biggest fight that Mama and I had was over my brother's cellphone. Ironically, I'm the one using it and paying for its monthly bills.

I was very self-conscious when I was a kid. Lahat nalang ng bagay, nahihiya ako. Then Mama told me, "Bat ka nahihiya? Mahiya ka lang pag may ginawa kang mali." Ngayon, nasobrahan naman yata ang confidence ko.

My mom is my life. Everything I am today, I owe it to her. Everything I do, I am doing just to make her proud. I cannot imagine living my life without my mom.

---
You may have tangible wealth untold;
Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.
Richer than I you can never be -
I had a mother who read to me.

-Strickland Gillilan

On a Sunday Afternoon

2005-05-22T16:54:00.000+08:00

It's a sunday and I'm pissed.

Why?

Because tomorrow is a monday and I hate mondays.
Because I can't seem to fix my PC and upgrade it to Windows XP because my floppy disk isn't working and I've lost the driver for my motherboard.
Because I cannot fine the official receipt of my driver's license.
Which means I have to create an affidavit of loss and have it notarized.
Because if I don't do that, I won't be able to have my car fixed.
And it has to be fixed before my boss sees it and think that I'm a reckless driver (which is true).

So I decided to go online and chat with Kartika who's already in San Francisco and to check out some quizzes in quizzila.com.

First quiz I tooK: What Kind of Kiss Are You?

Below is the result:

You have a goodbye kiss- much passion and longing,
but never lasting.

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

For Marianne

2005-05-21T03:56:00.000+08:00

Marianne is my tukayo. Her nickname is also Maan. I met her in RCBC during our first day in Business Eco class. We became groupmates for the whole term not by choice but by chance. We never thought that we would become friends.

For the short time I've known Marianne, she became one of my few closest friends. I can tell her my deepest, darkest secrets and fears. We've shared a lot and experienced a lot together.

Like commuting to Tagaytay at night or going to a spa somewhere in the north wherein the bathroom is communal and you have to take off all your clothes in front of other women so you can shower. She is my lunch partner when I don't feel like eating with my officemates. We go out for dinner or coffee during the weekends. I cannot imagine my life without Marianne.

Next friday is Marianne's flight going to the US. I will be missing a lunch partner, coffee partner, gimmick partner, classmate and of course, a friend. Marianne, along with Trexyl, became the sisters I never had. Without Marianne, my frapuccino will not be as sweet, lunch and dinner will not be that good.

Bago ako maiyak dito, let's move on to lighter stuff...

Check out my photo with JB Gatchalian! JB is my classmate in grad school and my major crush... before. Ngayon, slight crush nalang. JB looks like Patrick Garcia, don't you think? This guy is very down-to-earth, friendly, and smart. Grabeh! Sinong babae ba naman ang hindi ma-i-in love sa lalakeng ito? Tingnan nyo ha! Red lips pa! Mas red pa sa akin at sa lagay na yan naka-lip gloss ako. Take note, naka-akbay sya sakin sa photo na ito! Bagay ba kami? Bagay na bagay noh! Parang we were meant to be... meant to be just friends. Hahaha! Ang tagal kong pinangarap na magkaroon ng picture na ganito! God, what have I done to deserve this? He is currently in the dating arena but no one really serious... yet.

Kaso nga lang, may boyfriend ako. And walang spark eh. So... sorry nalang JB, better luck next time. I like you pero may mahal na akong iba. Hahaha!!! (JB, wag ka sana pikon. Nagpapatawa lang ako dito. Thanks for being such a good sport.)

Summer is ALMOST over

2005-05-15T23:30:00.000+08:00

Almost, but not quite.

I've been to Puerto Galera twice this summer. Before the summer ends, I'm hoping for another out-of-town gimmick to come up. Like Boracay... or Palawan... or Bohol. Anywhere. I need another out-of-town vacation before school starts.

PJ bought me this really cute bikini in Mossimo so now I have a reason to go the beach.

---
Speaking of school, I haven't paid for my tuition yet. Last day of payment in RCBC was last friday so that means I have to go to far away Taft just to pay for my tuition.

I know that Grad School is supposed to be fun and I'm supposed to enjoy it, which is what has happened for the last three terms. I enjoyed my classes immensely especially Management Principles under Prof. Alex Trajano even though I only got a passing grade of 2.0. But next term might be a totally different thing. Marianne's not gonna be there since she'll be in the US. Trexyl will be my classmate for one subject only. The others have already graduated from PGDM.

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Due to the intense summer heat, the thought of staying at home even with the aircon in full blast is just killing me! Thus I was able to drive alone going to Alabang Town Center and SM Bacoor! Yahoo! Another achievement for me!

Achievement talaga because I was able to avoid hitting anyone or anything and I was able to follow all the traffic rules and regulations.

Today, SM Bacoor. Tomorrow, Makati! In my dreams.
---

It's already 11:30PM and I don't feel like sleeping. I got used to sleeping at around 1 AM everyday for the past couple of weeks. I'm dreading tomorrow, which is a Monday. Just thinking of all the things I need to do makes me want to pack my stuff and quit! Thank God for Russel and Chris - my ever-dependable and smart OJTs. How can I do my job without them? Hehehe!
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I can't wait for saturday.

San ba nakakabili ng spark?

2005-05-13T00:46:00.000+08:00

Remember Noringai? The writer of 'Parang Kayo, Pero Hindi'? Her latest piece titled 'San ba nakakabili ng spark?' was forwarded to me by Leny early today.

So I replied:

To: All Fleet Customer Service Officers
From: Maan

So saan nga ba nakakabili ng spark?

To: All Fleet Customer Service Officers
From: CK

Ang dami-dami mong spark... sipain kita dyan eh!

To: All Fleet Customer Service Officers
From: Maan

Oo nga. Ang dami... liliyab na ako!
Saan ba makakabili ng fire extinguisher?

Read on to understand the meaning of 'spark'.

---

San ba nakakabili ng Spark?
by Noringai

San ba nakakabili ng Spark?
Iyan ang tanong sa akin ni Lhen, isang kaibigan. May umaaligid daw kasi sa kanya na matinong lalake, kaya lang, wala siyang maramdamang spark. Kaya nagtatanong siya kung saan nakakabili ng spark.

Hindi ko alam ang sagot. Kung alam ko lang, eh di sana matagal na akong pumila para mamakyaw. Kailangan ko rin ng spark. Maraming-maraming spark.

Ano ba ang spark? Ito iyong kuryente na nararamdaman mo kapag kasama mo ang isang tao. Iyong nanlalambot ang tuhod mo. Iyong parang nauutal ka at ayaw gumana ng motor skills mo. Iyong kahit na anong gawin at sabihin niya, o kahit wala siyang ginagawa o sinasabi, kinikilig ka na. Kung hindi mo naman siya kasama, nangingiti ka kapag naiisip mo siya.

Ang tawag dun… spark. Magic. Kilig. Kuryente.

At iyon din ang hinahanap ko ngayon.

May isang lalaking may gusto sa akin. Mabait siya. May hitsura. Matino. Stable. Mature. May napatunayan na sa buhay. Maalalahanin. May konting sense of humor. At alam ko, aalagaan niya ako.

Siya iyong lalaking iuuwi mo sa nanay mo at alam mong magiging mabuting asawa at tatay ng mga anak mo.

Pero wala akong maramdamang “kilig.” Walang magic.

Lagi kong sinasabi, “He’s a ‘good on paper’ guy, pero walang spark. Kahit kiskisan ko man ng bato… wala talaga!”

Sabi ng mga kaibigan ko, hindi na daw importante ang spark. Hindi daw ito tiket para sa isang masaya at tumatagal na relasyon. Maraming factors ang dapat i-consider, hindi lang spark…

Aanhin mo ang spark kung lagi naman kayong nag-aaway? Aanhin mo ang spark kung hindi naman kayo nagkakasundo sa mga bagay-bagay? Kung hindi naman siya puwedeng mag-commit? Kung alam mo naman na masama siya para sa iyo?

Noong huling usap namin ni Lhen, sabi niya, baka daw bigyan na niya ng chance iyong manliligaw niya, kahit wala siyang maramdamang spark.

Pati tuloy ako, napapaisip na rin… Itutuloy ko ba kahit na walang spark? Magiging masaya kaya kami, kahit na hindi ako kinikilig sa kanya? Importante ba talaga ang “magic” sa isang relasyon?

“Baka naman nasa atin lang ang problema,” dagdag ni Lhen.

Mali nga ba ako kung maghanap man ako ng spark sa isang relasyon? Pang teenager na nga lang ba iyong “nanlalambot ang tuhod” chuva at kapag nasa 20s ka na ay nakakasuka na ang humangad ng kilig?

Siguro nga masyado na akong matanda para maghanap ng lalaking magbibigay sa akin ng “kilig” dahil hindi naman kami mabubusog doon at hindi rin puwedeng pambayad ng tuition ng magiging anak namin ang spark.

But I am also old enough to know what I want in a guy… and having that “kilig” feeling is one of them. At para sa akin, ang pakikipag-relasyon sa isang taong walang spark, ay maitutumbas na rin sa pagse-settle.

At ayokong mag-settle.

Pero di ako nawawalan ng pag-asa. Malay mo ngayon, walang spark. Pero eventually, sa tamang panahon, baka magka-spark na. Kung paano, hindi ko alam...

Meron kayang binebentang spark sa pinakamalapit na Mercury Drug o Mini-Stop? Saan nga ba nakakabili ng spark?

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Kung nakakabili man ng spark na ito, I'm sure kukuha kami para ibenta sa Select. Siguradong ang taas ng benta namin.

Kung nakakabili ng spark, siguro nag-hoard na ng spark si Leng para kay Albert, si Connie para kay Joven, yung isa kong officemate na lalake para sa ex-officemate namin na babae, at si Ron ni CK para kay CK.

As for me, di ko kailangan ng spark. =)

A Quote from Sandman

2005-04-28T23:33:00.000+08:00

"Have you ever been in love?

Horrible, isn't it?

It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your
heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'Maybe we should just be friends' or 'How perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.

It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love.I hate love."

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How true? Very.

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And so you may be sure that the affair is over. And still feel a stabbing pain the area of your heart when someone mentions his name. You may have exorcised him from your life, and still feel a punch in the gut when you meet him accidentally. - Jessica Zafra